[CherryBerry9339]

A while ago I just stopped eating. I skipped for a week(no food or water), then ate, then skipped another give days. I talked to someone I trusted and got help, and slowly I was recovering. I was eating once a day, then in a couple months; two meals and a small snack. But now that my depression is coming back, and it's really strong right now I'm kind of slipping back to where I was. I'm never hungry in the mornings so I don't eat then, lunch comes and I get anxiety about eating in front of people, and I'm not leaving school if I don't HAVE to eat. The only time I eat is dinner, and maybe one snack a week. My mum calls me fat, and really doesn't help. She knows about my depression but she keeps saying these things, which fuels both the depression and anorexia. I feel compelled to stop eating because I just feel so stupid, useless, and worthless.
I really do want to get better, but at the same time it's like I want to allow myself to go back to square one. I was so happy when I could actually feel my ribs, and I actually enjoyed experiencing the repercussions(passed out a few times, abnormal heart beat, feeling sick when I ate food. etc.)..

Cherry,

This sounds kinda scary. And your "mum" (sorry the word sounds funny to us Americans) is a bit of a twit. Without trying to sound creepy - I saw the picture on your profile and if that is you - you are certainly not fat. In fact you are a lovely person just as you are..... I hope someday YOU can see that.

And as for being 'useless'. Well, I OWN that label (see my name).

Hope you are feeling better. Please, do not let other peoples words harm you.... I pray that you will take care of yourself. You deserve to feel happy with who you are. Just as you are.

Gods blessings to you.

[eskielover]

I was so happy when I could actually feel my ribs, and I actually enjoyed experiencing the repercussions(passed out a few times, abnormal heart beat, feeling sick when I ate food. etc.).

Just curious....what was it that you enjoyed about experiencing the repercussions?

I know that sometimes we are in a place in our life where we feel like no one loves or cares for us & to be honest.....it did feel good to have someone care about me when I got sick. I had gone through a horrible trauma & my mother was dying of cancer & no one would listen to or help me deal with all the horrible issues that were a part of my life.....but they would care about me when I passed out from not eating.....or when I landed in the medical hospital for several months trying to get stable.

She knows about my depression but she keeps saying these things, which fuels both the depression and anorexia. I feel compelled to stop eating because I just feel so stupid, useless, and worthless.

Interesting how we know someone like your mother is being so STUPID about it in relating to you.....& yet you choose to listen to those stupid comments & take them in as how you feel about yourself......the human mind works in strange ways sometimes. I know personally I would do things just to spite the person saying them.....it was like.....ok....if that's what you say & want....that's what you are going to get (sticks tongue out at them....then quite eating).

Life is never easy even when we don't have these obstacles to deal with