[msandsm]

I was diagnosed with AN in my late 20's/early 30's. It was bad: hospitalized, tube fed, etc. it took a couple of years to get back to anything close to a normal diet, and in the 20 years since, I have never eaten enough calories and have always been protein-malnourished. I have had occasional spells of AN over the years, but my psychiatrist has always been able to help me over it.
This time, though, I've added another component that helps me to be *more seriously* anorexic. Five or six months ago I started using the app MyFitnessPal to record what I eat. I've become obsessive about measuring,,weighing, counting my food and liquid intake, and then entering it all into the app. This lets me see how many calories and nutrients I'm taking in. So, for example, if I've reached 600 kcal in the day, I know that I can only, maybe, have a piece of fruit for dinner, say.
I haven't talked to my therapist or psych about this. The AN isn't something I want to *fix* until I lose some more weight. But can someone suggest how to stop measuring and recording food intake? I could delete the app, but I'm reluctant to do that.
As usual, my questions turn into short essays. I'm brand new here, and don't know whether there's a word limit or not.

[Travelinglady]

Hi! No, no word limit. By all means, please talk to a doctor about your situation. I am concerned.

[msandsm]

Originally Posted by Travelinglady

Hi! No, no word limit. By all means, please talk to a doctor about your situation. I am concerned.

I guess my real problem is that I'm reluctant to talk to my doctor (PC or psych). They'll only tell me I look fine and that I don't need to lose any weight. I can't get them to understand that though I could probably learn to accept my weight (UGH), it's the FEELING inside of being fat that I can't tolerate. I'm very happy with my doctors, but they just don't get this, even though I have had a severe episode of the disease that required hospitalization.

Thanks for your concern!

PS - I have a question about forum rules. Are we not supposed to give numbers, like weight or kcal ingested?

[buttrfli42481]

msandsm: numbers are not allowed in this forum as they could be triggering to others.

When I need to use a number, I replace it with a letter. ie: I weigh x lbs and want to weigh y.

I hope this clears up your question.

[eskielover]

UGH.....how do you have time to spend entering all that information. I live alone on my farm & honestly, I barely have time to make sure I keep my budget up to date to make sure I'm being financially responsible.

I eat when I have time to make food for myself & keep some quick foods in the refrig. Living alone, I don't have the luxary to not be able to be well as I have no one else but myself to take care of everything including my animals around me.

When I'm not doing that, I'm busy enjoying things in life like ballroom dancing & trail riding with the horses or helping with the 4-H trail riding group.

I am usually flying out of the door late for almost everything I do because I am way too busy.....so I wouldn't have time to deal with those kinds of details.

I have anorexia issues but it's from not eating & getting so involved in other things & from past anorexia issues, my body doesn't tell me that it's hungry & I have gone way too long without eating until I start to get dizzy & have to find something quick to eat.

I also have a lot of crafts & gifts that I make for people which takes up the rest of my time.

Thinking that maybe you need to get some other things that interest you to take your mind OFF of your obsession with tracking your numbers.

I know that we get into habits of doing things....but all habits can be broken......& just eat when you are hungry as as much as you are hungry for eating (no binging). I have found that this is basically what has helped me stay at a healthy weight without gaining & it keeps me right around my healthy weight that goes up & down a little here & there.

I'm so busy I can't afford to not eat because then I couldn't function.....so I make sure I eat enough so that I am able to function.

[msandsm]

Originally Posted by eskielover

UGH.....how do you have time to spend entering all that information. I live alone on my farm & honestly, I barely have time to make sure I keep my budget up to date to make sure I'm being financially responsible. ...

I eat when I have time to make food for myself & keep some quick foods in the refrig. Living alone, I don't have the luxary to not be able to be well as I have no one else but myself to take care of everything including my animals around me.

When I'm not doing that, I'm busy enjoying things in life like ballroom dancing & trail riding with the horses or helping with the 4-H trail riding group.

I am usually flying out of the door late for almost everything I do because I am way too busy.....so I wouldn't have time to deal with those kinds of details.

I have anorexia issues but it's from not eating & getting so involved in other things & from past anorexia issues, my body doesn't tell me that it's hungry & I have gone way too long without eating until I start to get dizzy & have to find something quick to eat.

I also have a lot of crafts & gifts that I make for people which takes up the rest of my time.

Thinking that maybe you need to get some other things that interest you to take your mind OFF of your obsession with tracking your numbers.

I know that we get into habits of doing things....but all habits can be broken......& just eat when you are hungry as as much as you are hungry for eating (no binging). I have found that this is basically what has helped me stay at a healthy weight without gaining & it keeps me right around my healthy weight that goes up & down a little here & there.

I'm so busy I can't afford to not eat because then I couldn't function.....so I make sure I eat enough so that I am able to function.

[msandsm]

Originally Posted by msandsm

I eat when I have time to make food for myself & keep some quick foods in the refrig. Living alone, I don't have the luxary to not be able to be well as I have no one else but myself to take care of everything including my animals around me.

When I'm not doing that, I'm busy enjoying things in life like ballroom dancing & trail riding with the horses or helping with the 4-H trail riding group.

I am usually flying out of the door late for almost everything I do because I am way too busy.....so I wouldn't have time to deal with those kinds of details.

I have anorexia issues but it's from not eating & getting so involved in other things & from past anorexia issues, my body doesn't tell me that it's hungry & I have gone way too long without eating until I start to get dizzy & have to find something quick to eat.

I also have a lot of crafts & gifts that I make for people which takes up the rest of my time.

Thinking that maybe you need to get some other things that interest you to take your mind OFF of your obsession with tracking your numbers.

I know that we get into habits of doing things....but all habits can be broken......& just eat when you are hungry as as much as you are hungry for eating (no binging). I have found that this is basically what has helped me stay at a healthy weight without gaining & it keeps me right around my healthy weight that goes up & down a little here & there.

I'm so busy I can't afford to not eat because then I couldn't function.....so I make sure I eat enough so that I am able to function.

I'm pleased that you have so much to do. But I don't. In fact, I have a very difficult time finding things I want to do, so I have plenty of time to obsess about my record-keeping.

[eskielover]

Originally Posted by msandsm

I'm pleased that you have so much to do. But I don't. In fact, I have a very difficult time finding things I want to do, so I have plenty of time to obsess about my record-keeping.

Maybe it would be a wise thing for you to put the time & effort that you spend record-keeping into finding things that you could enjoy doing & would he a more productive way of spending your time?

In DBT.....they call it "DISTRACTIONS"....things that we find to do that keep us from doing harm to ourselves......
things like volunteering at places that desperately need peoples help.......nursing home, humane society, older people in the community that could really use someone to visit & maybe even fix a dinner for them, going to a movie with a friend, we have community arts centers here in the different counties & it's fun to volunteer or at our local one in the town I live, individual people can make things & sell them in their own little personal space they set up (I never have time to get ahead on the things & make beyond the birthdays or holidays I'm making them for), art classes, dancing classes.......they have a new Irish dancing class they are offering here. Volunteering as a guide at a local museum or historical building, local drama group.....when I first moved here I joined the reading group at the library....we had a month to read the book, then had a wonderful discussion on it. Fairly close to my farm we have the KY Horse Park where back in 2010 they had the World Equestrian games.....I volunteered to do something & ended up getting on the decoration crew which actually does all the floral decorations for the annual eventing show & the leader of the decoration crew gets other calls for decorating for other shows......so several times a year we get to play around with all the beautiful flowers.

There are so many areas where people desperately are in need of volunteers, I would think that would not only help them but also help you.

Shoot, I'm so fascinated by the tadpoles that came from the eggs that the tree frogs laid about a month ago.....I am spending a lot of time making sure they are fed & doing well as they turn into little frogs (I have over 100).

Hiking is another wonderful way to spend time....getting out in the fresh air. I enjoy it best on the back of a horse, but also love to hike around different places & exploring....or bird watching....or even doing plant identification.......ah, that's how I found out what poison ivy looks like......also, found out what hemlock looks like.....& I thought it was Queen Anne's lace.

Finding a hobby that you enjoy is also something that can take time to figure out, but it something that it very rewarding once you do figure it out.

When I was trapped in my bad marriage, I have to admit....I didn't want to do anything...shoot, I didn't even want to live....but now that I am free from that I have been able to start living again & truly finding out WHO I really am. It doesn't completely cure the not eating issues....but it definitely keeps them under better control most of the time unless something really stressful hits me.