Please help, I feel so alone and completely hopeless.

I really have no one else to go to, so I'm resorting to advice from strangers online. Here is the situation in a nutshell. PLEASE don't tell me I need to "get better" and "gain weight", etc, that is not what I need. I've dealt with anorexia for several years. My parents have supported me and put me through treatments. I finished an inpatient treatment 6 months ago and was "restored". I also got serious treatment for my depression. I have never felt better. I feel alive, ready to go back to school, continue with my job, interests, etc. I have, however, lost weight. I am considered underweight right now, but I love it. I am NOT obsessed with food, I don't starve, I don't do any damaging behaviours. It just kind of happened on its own. But I had tests done, I am physically FINE. Why should I gain weight? I don't care if my bones show. I feel great, I love how I look, I can function, I finally feel alive. I am 22 years old, I can decide what to do with my body. I love my parents so much, and I hate seeing them so hurt, but I honestly refuse to go back to rock bottom and become depressed and suicidal again by gaining weight and worrying over food. With that said, I'm looking to move out. It's terrifying and uncertain, and I don't know what to do. I can't go on like this. I love my parents, and know they love me, but they need to know that I don't WANT help, I don't WANT to be force-fed like a child. I've been crying for the past 48 hours...I am so lost....

Twenty-two is a reasonable age to move out, regardless of the circumstances. Of course it is scary, but it is also exciting to be on your own. You can love your parents and they can love you AND you can have your own life.

If it turns out you need to move back home for some reason, maybe not even your health ... money frequently is the issue ... you will find out soon enough.

The thing is that you will find when ypu are living alone & you pass out or you do get so shakey....which does happen at low weights..I experience it myself...& the mind doesn't function well for making decidions.......there will be no one there to pick you up when you pass out....there will be no one there to get you a glasz of juice when your blood sugar wacks out & makes you shaky all over.

Personally I found that living alone was the best thing that ever happened to me....I have no family & live in the country on my own farm I bought when I finally left my bad marriage after 33 years....so I have responsibilities....I can't afford to let my weight get out of control...or let my energy get so low that I can't mow the fields or take care of everything...so it keeps me healthier....I'm still at the lower end of my safe weight & being a smaller person that is lower in general...I forget to eat at times... body isn't good at telling me it's hungry..so I have to be more careful or I can end up light headed with nothing easy & quick to eat in my cupboard or refrig....but it has taught me to tale care of myself much better than I was willing to when I was living in my marriage....

So this is a good idea for you to learn how to take care of yourself & be a responsible adult that you are...learning your limits....if you don't it's really only you in reality that you are hurting...parents may be upset but it's your own body you hurt if you choose to loose too much weight....it's your own independence you will end up loosing if you really don't take care of yourself..& living alone is a real test & challenge based on my own experience....but I love it & honestly have never been healthier while being at a healthy weight.

Hope you are able to find yourself by your move out to your own place

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