[msandsm]

Last night I asked myself why it mattered more to to me to be thin than to be dead.
Does anyone have any answers? Something has to give, or I will starve myself, if not to death, then to a state where I feel my body will never recover or be strong again.
Thanks for your support.

[kaliope]

I don't think there is anything that can be said to change your mind or make an impression. I can tell you my sisters story. she wanted to be skinny cause she thought it made her more attractive, more acceptable. but being so skinny and unhealthy she was so weak she needed a walker to walk, what was attractive about that? she was constantly in the hospital on IV drips because her potassium was too low. who wants to be involved with a girl who is so unhealthy she is always ending up in the hospital? my sister abused laxatives. it got to the point that her intestines could not digest food on their own. she could only eat certain foods. many foods blocked her intestines. she had so many surgeries removing parts of her intestines because the food rotted in there. she had to hook up to a machine to vaccume the food out of her stomach. how attractive is that? she was very skinny. she never got a boyfriend. she never felt good about herself. her body finally shut down and she died the beginning of this year, alone. she was never happy no matter how skinny she got. she didn't want to die. she was trying to gain weight but couldn't because she couldn't eat solid food anymore. she had abused herself too much. she really regretted what she had done to herself. please get help before you do what she did.

[eskielover]

Last night I asked myself why it mattered more to to me to be thin than to be dead.

When my anorexia was at it's worst back in 1995, I didn't want to be alive....so it really didn't matter......& the last time I felt almost the same except that I had my new baby foal that truly got me through that bad time (as that time the anorexia was triggered by a trauma I went through).

Nothing can make you want to live except for your own desire.

[HonestlyLying]

I wish I had some answers for you but I ask myself the same thing constantly. After many years of self-deprivation I believe it's simply time to stop yet here I am reading about your pain and your knowledge that ana is killing you wondering when it will be time for me to stop.

I just hope that your thoughts can bring about some/any positive action. Be kind to yourself and know that others care about you.

[eskielover]

Having a reason to live does help.....& for me being free from my bad marriage & living alone which I totally enjoy makes it necessary for me to stay at a healthy weight so that I can take care of my farm & my dogs & myself so that I can enjoy doing the things that I now enjoy doing.

When life was at the point where I really didn't care if I lived or not.....there was nothing that made me ever want to eat or want to live.

Guess in some ways it really takes having a life that one wants to live that gives one the drive to live & stop the lack of eating that ends up killing us....at least it's made a difference in my life......but there comes time when stress gets great that the eating goes out the window......until I get so non-functional & then I have to force myself to eat. I don't enjoy it....but I also know the need because I have no one to take care of me if I were to allow myself to get back to the previous places I've been.