[AnxiousGirl]

I'm 20 (female) and I'm 5'6 and weight about 152. I used to weight 165 but dropped down (I starved myself) to 135 in 2 months, then when I started my first year at college I guess I lost track and gained the weight back. So now I'm 152. A few days ago I decided to lose weight and go down to 135 again, this time without the whole eating 500 calories a day and fainting part. So I use the app MyFitnessPal and it tells me to eat 1200 calories. I try my hardest to do this but its so hard when I eat foods that it doesnt have in the database so I just quick add calories that I think the food has. I weighed myself today (not in the morning, but after having yogurt and granola) and it said I am not 153. I got so angry and started getting very upset I cried. I really do NOT want to gain weight again, I got bullied for years and I hated the way I looked. Was it wrong to weight myself after eating? I get in about 4 workouts in a week (running on the elliptical for 30 min) and I do lift weights (so I'm assuming some part of this is muscle weight). Im really upset now and I want to lose weight but I'm afraid to starve myself again. I went swimming today for the first time in years and wore a bikini, and after seeing how I looked in the pictures I'm never going to swim in a bikini ever again until I slim down. It's so weird that I look fine in like normal clothes like sweats or jeans but anything else is like I'm a whole different person. Any advice?? My monthly cycle is in a month if that has anything to do with the weight I'm gaining? Like today I checked and I'm apparently 154... Does that eve make sense?

** I see a therapist and I have been for the past year and I've been diagnosed with GAD and EDNOS. **

[angelicgoldfish05]

Starving self again not the answer. Need to look at the underlying issues. Food and weight focus are not the main issue, just covering up deeper issue(s). I find the more I focus on it, the harder it is. Get yourself involved in something that will bring you joy - or better even to help bring others joy. Health will follow. That is great you are putting in workouts. That is the way to go and takes time to see result on the scale but the most important measure is not the number there on the scale. Please remember that your worth is not tied to a number on a scale. You are worth so much more than that. Be kind to yourself and gentle if that is what you need, or push yourself harder if that is what you are in need of. You are the only one who knows best what you need. But please be kind to your body and give it the nutrition it needs. Without this it will rebel and get sick, and you don't want that do you? I do know the feeling of wanting to do what you say in your post. But in perspective, not the way to go for health and happiness IMO.

[eskielover]

Also remember that muscle weighs more than fat....but makes you look like you weigh less.....so the better shape you get into the more you might end up actually weighing yet you will look a lot better.....from that point, then weight loss will start by working off even more of any fat that is left.

Weighing one's self after eating & fight after drinking also will add the total weight of what was eaten because it's sitting in your stomach & hadn't been broken down & processed by the body. Much better to weigh in the morning.....though I like to weigh myself after I've been working out in the yard & sweating out all the water in my body...that isn't a true weight either...but it usually makes me feel a lot better about what I really weigh.....then I drink a ton of water....I don't weigh until after my body has stabilized....usually the next morning.....that's why weight loss through laxatives is a fake weight because it's only fluid loss that is registered....it has nothing to do with actual REAL weight loss.

Also what AngelicGoldfish says is true....there is always something deeper going on that needs to be processed when we are having eating issues......normally things that are stressful to us are at the bottom of ED's & once they are processed, the need for the ED will be controlled also.....though we are always going to watch weight to make sure we are healthy, the control issues that take the weight down to an unhealthy level will be controlled.

[Fuzzybear]