[broadwaylove]

I didn't know where I should put this topic but it's related to anorexia...
I've been struggling with anorexia for 2 years now and have never gone to a counselor. I also drink, smoke pot occasionally, and have a very long history of being sexually abused by my father. I'm also 16.
Anyways, for the past 1-3 months, I've had this voice in my head named Lucy. She's sassy and says what she wants. She tells me that I'm stupid, ugly, not smart, a bunch of other spiteful words, and that I need to loss more weight. I also do this thing where I argue with her (or myself?) back and forth ALL the time. "yes, do it or else you're stupid." "Don't eat that." (voice) "But I don't want to do that." (me) I sometimes end up doing what the voice says and other times I don't.
I have absolutely no idea what's going on and I feel like I'm going crazy. Can someone please tell me what's going on!? Is this a bad thing that I have this voice in my head? Right now it's saying no?

[pinkflower17]

In my experience anyway, it's "normal" with an ED to have an eating disorder voice telling you to make decisions that feed the eating disorder. Are you actually hearing a voice, like out loud but no one else seems to hear it? Or is it just the eating disordered part of your brain speaking to you?

[healingme4me]

Are you away from your father, at this point, in your life? If so, has your mother made any counseling appointments, for you? Beginning the healing process, earlier in life, instead of later, could help, especially now that you are at odds, internally.

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[broadwaylove]

pinkflower17 - It's an internal voice.

healingme4me - Unfortunately I'm still in the house and everybody who's living with me know what he's done. So until I move out, I cant get a counselor. I've already tried reporting to DHS and the investigation was a flop. My youth pastor who helped me report is the only one I can talk to about any of this.

[starthrower]

I think an internal voice is 'normal' for ED- I've had an internal voice which 'shouts' at me occasionally since I was about 13, and I've always thought of it as part of my brain which I don't like. Mine tells me I'm selfish, greedy, stupid etc and that everything that I do wrong is because of my weight. It swears quite a lot as well and tells me I'm a "****ing stupid *****" whenever I do something wrong and sometimes I find myself whispering under my breath without realising it, eg "you're so ****ing stupid, why did you do that you fat *****?" which really isn't the sort of thing I'd usually say! It started when I was at school but has got stronger and more aggressive over the last ten years- it used to be 'hate myself' or 'you're so stupid' but now it's a lot more intense. It's never been an external voice though, and I've always identified it as part of my brain. I also have 'brain arguments' with it, sometimes out loud.

I think it would really be worth seeing a counsellor though, to help deal with it. It can be really, really hard to manage. It's good that you've got someone you can speak to, but a professional could be really helpful. Would you have to tell your father? I've seen counsellors in the past without my parents knowing, and I go to a support group atm without them being aware (I still live at home, and tell them I'm meeting a friend or going to a writing group). Really hope you can get some support :/

[Fuzzybear]

[waggiedog]

. [COLOR="Magenta"Hello and thanks for posting with regard to inner "voices". Yes, I agree, it's kinda "normal" to have a voice telling you youre worthless, fat and ugly, this is probably your anorexic voice BUT, I would advise that you seek some help and guidence from a proffesional if it's possible. I know trying to be refered has to start with seeing your family Dr, but it may be worth the bother. I also know waiting lists can be long, but I'd try anyways.
Take care and stay safe. Xxx[/COLOR]

[Whiteroses02]

I have a hard time separating the voice as its own entity like my ED Ts have tried to help me with. I hear this voice but it doesn't feel seperate then my own train of thought. It's good that you naturally feel seperated from it so you can actually talk back to it. It might win at times but at least you can try to fight it and stop believing it.
My ED Ts have even tried to encourage me to name it, so i can easily differentiate the ED voice from my own rational voice, like you have already done. I just have a hard time believing in all that. Even my rational voice believes Im less then because of my weight and body so the ED voice just feels like my own.
I don't know if any of that made sense, but my point is you seem to have naturally been intuitive to what is best for your psyche. I think when you are able to seek counseling it will be a great benefit to you!

[eskielover]

I don't have an inner voice, it's just a train of thought....like I'm going through lately.....I thought after oral surgery & having my teeth completely removed & not being able to tolerate the dentures that I would loose weight....but I found out a way of making good tasting food into puree & I've been eating & hungry (guess my body is also in healing mode as my mouth is still sore & the oral surgery group says it's NORMAL for at least 6 months....anyway.....get on the scales & find the weight going up.

The voice (thinking) says...."that's it.,....NO HIGHER....you have to keep this under control"

There is no worthless talk or any of that going on....but it's just about controlling the weight & making sure that it doesn't go into the extreme as I know that direction is also as easy to get into as the loosing for me.....so it takes more control to stay at a healthy weight for me.