So I'm a guy. An old guy (57). Which means the textbooks say i shouldn't have an ED. However, i wonder if what I'm doing to myself is a form of self harm. I'm not cutting, that seems to be a young person thing. But i've been starving myself on purpose. I weigh myself every Wednesday at 10am and tomorrow i hope to have lost a few more pounds this past week. I've dropped and for some reason unknown to me I'd like to go still lower.

I'm not doing this for any body image reasons ... i don't care what i look like (that's probably from the depression).

I think maybe perhaps possibly I'm doing this to slowly destroy myself. Maybe I'll finally be successful at something.

I told my T last week about losing the weight so we will see if this week she brings it up. Sometimes i think i overwhelm her.

Thanks for listening. I know there isn't really a question in here. Today was a really bad day and i guess i needed to vent.

[Skeezyks]

'Well... I'm even older than you are! I keep my weight as low as possible. (We're not supposed to post specific numbers in this forum, so I won't say what I weigh. I weigh myself every morning. And if I see I'm gaining weight, I cut back until I've lost it. There are a number of reasons for this. I won't go into all of them.

I don't think this is a self-harm issue for me, although I have struggled with self harm issues in the past. We're always told that being thin is healthy to a point. I'm not sure at what point losing weight turns from being a healthy pursuit into a self-harm issue. But I presume there is one. It's an interesting question.

[Open Eyes]

It sounds like this is an effort on your part to gain a sense of control. Losing weight is not a bad thing as long as you are doing so in a way that is not negatively affecting your health.

[eskielover]

My first experience with anorexia was when my depression was really bad. A med I was given totally destroyed my appetite but all my life, stress did that too so put them together....long term stress the pounds just dropped & when you are small anyway, hitting bottom came quick.

On top of it wuth the deoression I was suicidal which is probably where the srlf harm aspect probably came in but it was more than just self harm, I was feeling that at least with anorexia if I died from that it wouldnt leave my family with the same stigma as if I actually was successful with a suicide attempt. Strange thinking but at that point in my life it is exactly where I was....& that was in my late 40's also long after the normal anorexia issues are expected to occur.

I was always concerned with controlling my weight....didnt want to gain after marriage or having a kid & when I was working I played hard games of racquetball with the other computer engineer guys I worked with.....so my weight concern all my life fit in with the professionals....but my brain wasnt into body image at that time though I did like my looks at that weight, it wasnt the driving factor.

So I can understand your thinking. I think there is a problem with professionals when then all think that those who suffer are all coming from the same line of thinking. I came to realize that when I was put in an ED treatment facility & it seemed like they were trying to put me in their neat little box that I didnt fit in.

[liveforsummer]

My most recent weight loss was triggered by meds for bipolar, made me nauseous and didn't want food. I dropped some weight in couple weeks. Now I just cant seem to allow my self to gain any of it back. I know I should because I don't feel healthy. I weigh myself every morning to make sure I haven't gained. You made a very interesting point, I never thought I could be doing this as a form of self harm but it makes sense. Now how to stop this vicious cycle?

[Gr3tta_0]

Disordered eating can certainly be self harmful behavior. Disordered eating does not always mean you have an eating disorder. An eating disorder does not have to have anything to do with physical appearance or body image.
All that said, if you desire to change your eating behavior, or it is harming you, then of course you have every right to have help. Sometimes its most effective to get at the underlying issues than to stay focused on the food.
I hope T goes well.

[liveforsummer]

I've never heard the term "disordered eating". Thank you for that perspective

[Starving2death]

I've used my personal insecurities to trigger an anorexic mentality in my head. From there it's all down hill.

So yes, I use starvation to deprive myself of proper nutrition which should be harmful.

[crimsoncat]

so when does 'disordered eating ' become an eating disorder? , and what is the difference?

[Gr3tta_0]

Originally Posted by crimsoncat

so when does 'disordered eating ' become an eating disorder? , and what is the difference?

Well really, that's a clinical decision.
But just in my personal opinion i would say the main differences are the duration, and the intensity of associated distress/anxiety/lack of control/obsession with eating/food.
That is my understanding.

[eskielover]

I have looked at it this way with my anorexia specifically....I dont eat normal meals or at normal times ( living alone) I see my eating as disordered as long as I am maintaining a healthy weight.....I see that it became an eating disorder when that disordered eating intensified & took me to very unhealthy weight levels. It became obvious when I landed in the medical hospital needing IV nutrition to stay alive.

[Starving2death]

Originally Posted by crimsoncat

so when does 'disordered eating ' become an eating disorder? , and what is the difference?

I think the difference is in the eye of the beholder. Some psychiatrists will diagnose you with anorexia nervosa and the next looks at you like you're crazy when you bring up not eating.

Like any disorder it becomes a disorder when it begins to effect your life. When you adjust your schedule to accommodate your behaviors.

Just my opinion

[Shazerac]

Starving yourself as a way to lose weight is a bit drastic and can result in rebound wieght gain. For some restricking their eating as a way to feel "in control." If you starve yourself to the point where you fall into weight that is well below normal for you body mass. Then this could fall into a category of self harm. How do YOU feel about this? Do you feel like you are harming yourself?

Possible trigger:

I nearly killed myself by doing this in 2005 (starvation)

it was for an extended period of time, and I have no idea why I did it (but looking back, I really believe it was to try and end my life)

I will never do it again though

horrible outcome

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Originally Posted by crimsoncat

so when does 'disordered eating ' become an eating disorder? , and what is the difference?

Just wanted to add... it's different for everyone.

But, in my opinion, if anything connected with food is significantly affecting your life (and you aren't able to stop it), that's an eating disorder.

The severity of the ED is a separate issue, to be thought-through when you have been able to admit you have a problem. Some will be affected slightly. Others will be hospitalised.