help? not sure if I have aspd

Hi all. I've just joined this forum in hopes of seeking some insight on an issue I've been facing regarding my mental health. I know that you all probably get this question a lot - but I've been wondering whether I have ASPD or not.

To start, I'd rather not be specific on any personal details but I'll give some background info. I'm currently a student and a female-at-birth, though I identify as nonbinary/gender non-conforming, what-have-you. I think of myself as queer, but I don't quite have romantic or sexual feelings for anyone, no matter how hard I try. There has always felt to be this disconnect between me and the average person. I feel very socially awkward whenever there is a couple around - I enjoy romance fiction, but real romance almost sickens me - it is the same with sexual relationships, though I don't care for those fictionally either. I enjoy being alone and reading or watching TV, I would sometimes rather be by myself than with anyone.

The "threat" (I suppose you can say) of being ASPD came only a few months ago because of a friend. Or, I shall say, past friend. She recently broke it off after almost two years of friendship - that I can get into later as it matters for this.

Anyway, it started at the beginning of the term when my friend, we can call her Jane, began going through relationship issues and all-together family issues. Jane was struggling with schoolwork and friendships and was basically having a rough time. The problem? I couldn't feel any sort of bad thing with her. Sure, I knew she felt bad, but why should I have cared? When Jane took me away and would cry into my arms, I felt a very awkward sense of contentness. I was fine and didn't feel anything even if it was terrible. I first thought this was because I couldn't relate to her issues of a relationship because I had never really been interested in that, but then I realized it didn't matter soon after her dog had died and I felt nothing, even though I have had three dogs of mine die. I mostly saw no bad thing about this, this was how I had usually lived my life. Jane would cry and I would think: God, really?

Then Jane, throughout this, started saying things. She started saying that she felt that I was never "there" for her and wasn't ever emotionally available. Then, once when I was feeling at ease when her boyfriend was around, I mentioned to him that I found a hard time feeling bad for people at all. Though, I said, "It's really easy to feel bad for fictional characters. Like someone from a video game. I feel terrible for them whenever something bad happens. To someone I know in real life? Forget it." Jane's boyfriend then (being the guy he is) told her promptly, wherein she told me that she completely believed I was "a sociopath." I laughed in her face and told her that wasn't true. My other friends, in support of me, I suppose, said that they didn't believe I was sociopathic, rather, they said, they all thought I was some sort of autistic.

That all boiled down to a few months later when Jane ended our friendship suddenly. She said that she felt like I hadn't changed at all and still wasn't emotionally available; one example: Jane had sprained her knee or something, I don't quite remember, and was on crutches during campus for a few weeks. She kept asking me to do things for her (carry her bag, open doors for her, walk her to her classes, etc. etc. etc.) and I ended up mostly saying "no" each time. She would ask me to do all of these things for her, and kept becoming very surprised when I said no. When she asked why, I honestly told her, "Just because you're temporarily disabled doesn't mean you can't do things by yourself. You don't need my help for everything." Which I really think and thought was true. She was asking me to do things that she could literally do herself, but ended up using her injury as a way to excuse it. So Jane then said that things like that upset her, and she felt like I didn't care at all about her. She began crying during this, and I remember being seated and just feeling very awkward, thinking: God, can this be over? Can she just end it already?

This extends to basically every other friendship, except most of my friends have widely accepted that I'm just not "nice." This also goes back to childhood: when I was a kid I got very angry all the time. I would always aim to hurt my siblings I didn't feel bad about it, just felt bad because I was punished for it. I don't feel upset over the action, just upset at myself, I guess, for getting caught or being put in some awkward situation. I stopped being physically aggressive when my parents put me into martial arts when I was 11 or 12 or so. After that I hardly yelled or hit anyone, I kept everything under wraps. Still though there feels like there's this pressure building up inside me, though I can't really say what it is. Like a buzzing underneath my skin - do you have that feeling when you're stuck in bed all day and your legs ache to move? My arms have the same feeling, but it's the ache to throw or hit something. When I get angry at people, I always think how much I want to hurt them, but I don't. I don't know, it's weird.

Jeez! Looking at all this now I'm embarrassed. You can tell that I love to hear myself talk. Whatever - read or don't! LMK if you all have any thoughts. I'll be here