Am I alone on this anxiety

Hello all,

I just found this web site.

I'll give a quick background. I'm a male, 36, married for 15 years, with a new baby. I have been employed at my current job for 10 years.

Here is my problem. I get/have incedible anxiety/depression when I had an argument with a co-worker. Even after we both apologized and went our own ways, I still think about the event and the person everyday, almost non-stop! All negative feelings, like what I would have said, or should have said....two weeks ago. I just can't let it go.

So now it eats at me constantly. It's like I feel like I'm in a bully situation. Like when I was a kid. I feel really out of sorts.

Here's the kicker. The same exact and I mean EXACT same feelings started when I was in my home owners association meeting and I got into an argument with a board member. The anxiety/depression feelings lasted almost 5 months. And it wasn't even really an argument, just some silly e-mails back and forth. Everything I do during this time I'm in my funk, has this undercurrent of feelings from the same event/person from all those many weeks ago.

I see a doctor and he put me on Luvox, which might as well be sugar pills, because I notice no effect when in the anxiety/depression/can't stop thinking about it phase. So I have been on it for a year now.

When this latest event happened, my doctor was out of town and I saw his partner. He put me on Ativan. That seems to work when in panic mode, but it's the current of those thoughts will not go away. It is really effecting my life.

Also, where I work, I have to keep this all in total secrecy because of the stigma. Nobody knows. Just my wife. I feel all alone with this.

Hello AaronB! Welcome to PC! This is a wonderful site with wonderful people.

I can tell you this, you are NOT alone with this anxiety issue. I can relate to you when you say that you can't let something that happend a while back go. I do the exact same thing-I look at my past actions (anywhere from a few days, weeks, or even years ago!) and I constantly worry over them! I know how you feel, so don't worry, your not alone. I also know how it feels to keep it a secret. When I was in public school, I had to keep this problem to myself-sometimes I would space out and worry about something when I shouldn't be! (It was so hard to pay attention in class.) Anyway, I hope you are doing well! And I hoped this helped.

Hi Aaron, to me it sounds like you haven't processed the underlying issues. Also sounds like the present is triggering all of your old issues and feelings from the past which haven't been resolved. You can work through this. Do you want to talk about it?

I to have anxiety over trivial things. I do like your insight into unresolved issues. I am new to this board but am hoping to chat and share with other people.

Have you been to a psychologist to see if they may be able to help you delve back into your issues? It's a safe place and they are there to help you.

Share away!

Hey Aaron. I have the exact ame problems with anxiety that you do. I have been giving DBT therapy a try. It's good during times of anxiety. Those thoughts sound like OCD. I have that too. When I have an argument I obsess over what I should have said or done for a good week or so then it stops. Just know you're not alone. And yes the stigma sucks but I tell everyone about my problems. I used to not but it seems to help if others know. And I was suprised to learn I am not the only one I know that has these same problems. That alone helped out tremendously.

Thanks guys for all your replies,

I'm glad I'm not alone on this one. Well I have talked to my therapist about underlying reasons why some sort of person would bother me for weeks on end and other people are just a quick memory.

To Sannah. Quite astute of you. Great observation. Because I feel I might have a theory. So here goes:

The two types of personalities or profiles of the two people I would have anxiety over are as follows. Women, not terribly attractive, my age range, heavy set. Bossy, loudmouthy, yet they think they are clever. The kind of person who yells at store clerks. Very similer, the two.

Anyway, when I was a kid, we had a roomate. Money was tight back then. The lady who lived with us was horrible to me and my sister. Like scream at us, yell, rude, arrogant, bossy. Real general kinda jerk. All when my mom wasn't home, basically. She ended up killing herself years later. She had a son named Buddy. I remember he had bad scars from some hot water that spilled on him. I always suspected she threw it on him.

So I'm thinking there is some sort of correlation. I don't hate women, as a matter of fact, I'm quite fond of them. Also I've had female bosses who sort of fit the profile, yet I got along great with them. Just somewhere along the way these people rubbed me the wrong way.

Alas, I'm stuck thinking about them, even though I hate thinking about them. Which give me anxiety because I can't stop thinking about them, which brings on the depression.....blah.

Another weird thing, is in my thoughts about these people, I seem to give them a lot of power over me. Like what if this home owner associastion lady became president of the board and did all these crazy things with the rules, or if the lady at work got promoted over me and I had to work under her, etc.
All unreal, yet I seem to make it my reality.

So I'm a little OCD, and a little paranoia, a little depression, I think, ha ha.

To Thunderbear,
What is DBT?

Anyway guys, nice talking to you all. sure does feel better to spill it all out in type!!

Bye now

AaronB

Aaron, it sounds like these types of woman trigger you back to the past and stir up all these old feelings that you had as a child, so yes, I agree with you. They are connected. I would think if you focus on these past feelings with your T that it can help you to clear up this trigger.

You probably give them power over you because when you get sent back to your past feelings you become that powerless boy in the present. Again, if you focus on this you can let it go.

It does feel great to write things out here doesn't it!