[william1971]

OK, so here it goes; I'm in my late 30s and when ever I'm in a relationship with someone and the moment arrives where I feel something may be wrong or if I feel the other person wants out of the relationship or doesn't want to talk to me I become very anxious to the point where I start to panic!

For example: my girlfriend & I had a long talk about our relationship last night and the things that bother us. We decided to work through our problems though, but then the next morning I don't hear from her for most of the day. Automatically I start to think something's wrong. That's when I start to worry. So much to the point where I start to panic. I finally called her to check to see if everything was alright. It's the most horrible feeling in the world! I can't stress that enough, and I don't for the life of me know where it comes from.

What can I do to find out where this feeling comes from, and more important how do I stop it? If anyone has any advice at all for me PLEASE don't hesitate to let me know. Thanks in advance!

[jerrymichele]

It could be that you have abandament issues. You know therapy could help you with this. Also do you take anything for your anxiety? Anxiety can really play a big roll in your quality of life. I take meds for mine, and it has really made a big difference in my life. It's something to think about. Have you told your gf about this? It might help to tell her.

[DoggyBonz]

Hi William,

You are not alone in this - I go through that also, I give you credit for being able to brave the relationships. First, with ex boyfriends I have gone through this and even with friends that I have had an argument with but settled things if I have not heard I get crazed.

I was living with my now (ex) but he and I had an talk about where our relationship was going. I was so terrified that he was going to walk out that I became really clingy. The next day when I got home from an errand our room was rearranged and I went nuts crying, trying to call him and became completely useless for most of the day. When he came home I found out that he just felt like things needed a change and wanted to suprise me.

I am learning in therapy that I have dependancy and abandonment issues that stem from childhood. Therapy is really helping me out with looking at my relationships and soothing that child within that gets terrified.

Meds are also helpful but I strongly recommend therapy and also talking to your girlfriend. The panic is awful and terrifying but I think with professional help you can get past this. I know once the thoughts start they are hard to control and then the panic/anxiety sets in but there is help out there.

Keep us posted!

[william1971]

Originally Posted by DoggyBonz

Hi William,

You are not alone in this - I go through that also, I give you credit for being able to brave the relationships. First, with ex boyfriends I have gone through this and even with friends that I have had an argument with but settled things if I have not heard I get crazed.

I was living with my now (ex) but he and I had an talk about where our relationship was going. I was so terrified that he was going to walk out that I became really clingy. The next day when I got home from an errand our room was rearranged and I went nuts crying, trying to call him and became completely useless for most of the day. When he came home I found out that he just felt like things needed a change and wanted to suprise me.

I am learning in therapy that I have dependancy and abandonment issues that stem from childhood. Therapy is really helping me out with looking at my relationships and soothing that child within that gets terrified.

Meds are also helpful but I strongly recommend therapy and also talking to your girlfriend. The panic is awful and terrifying but I think with professional help you can get past this. I know once the thoughts start they are hard to control and then the panic/anxiety sets in but there is help out there.

Keep us posted!

Hey Doggy Bonz,
Thanks for responding to my post. I know you're probably right, I do need therapy for these issues. The only problem is therapy is expensive and right now I don't have insurance. It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one that faces these type of issues. I hope I can find someone to help me with this. Thanks again!

[jerrymichele]

Originally Posted by william1971

Hey Doggy Bonz,
Thanks for responding to my post. I know you're probably right, I do need therapy for these issues. The only problem is therapy is expensive and right now I don't have insurance. It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one that faces these type of issues. I hope I can find someone to help me with this. Thanks again!

William you could try and find out if they have free therapy in your area. My pdoc is free. Also a regular Dr. can write a script for an ssri.

[william1971]

Originally Posted by jerrymichele

William you could try and find out if they have free therapy in your area. My pdoc is free. Also a regular Dr. can write a script for an ssri.

Thanks Jerrymichele, I just don't think 'free' therapy is offered where I live, and if it is it would be very difficult to find. I'll keep searching. Thanks again for your support!

[gimmeice]

Have you looked for a therapist that works on a sliding scale? It's based on your income, most mental health centers offer this service. I agree that you can also talk to your regular doctor, they may be able to help some with some meds.
There are also breathing exercises that may help, taking slow deep breaths and try to release some of the pressure when you exhale, that sometimes helps me. Also distracting your mind by doing something like doodling on paper or other activities can be helpful for some.

[DoggyBonz]

I know that therapy is expensive - I have insurance and even with that. There are a lot of places that have sliding scale as was mentioned. There might be a graduate school in your area that can recommend some people. When people are getting thier certifications they are under the supervision of someone but also have a sliding scale for their fees. Some of the counselors are really great.

In the mean time maybe you can talk to your girlfriend about the situation and let her know what is going on. At the time I felt so alone in my fears and it wasn't until about 6 years ago that I realized that a lot of people have these issues. Talking about it here is great, finding people in your life that you can confide in, starting to write about it, books might be helpful.

These are tough issues and I give you so much credit for being willing to take them on. It is hard and I hope that you are giving yourself some credit for taking the steps that you are. I know for me I always feel so unworthy which is something that I am working on that it contributes to my panic about being abandoned. Maybe take 5 minutes a day to do something positive for yourself to start to see how valuable of a person you are - I don't know but sometimes that is helpful for me just to realize that I have something to offer other people.