[GreyGoose]

Ok, I just feel like talking here and maybe I can fill in a few blanks where I've left information out previously. Sure, some of it will sound like the same old crap but other things I share will be new. Ok, here we go...

I guess the first thing I want to say is that I have found myself having various symptoms over the past several months (since the bat incident) that *could* be signs of rabies or these same symptoms *could* be something else. For example...

(1) I had a mildly stiff neck (on the left side) shortly after the bat incident so it *could* have been the first stage (prodrome stage) of rabies or it *could* have been the fact that I had a nerve block in my left armpit, had my arm in a sling, slept for a week with my back and neck up against a hard bed and another week sleeping in the rocker.

(2) I had some shortness of breath shortly after the bat incident so it *could* have been the first stage (prodrome stage) of rabies or it *could* have been what I have gone through in the past. For years, I have sometimes had shortness of breath that has lasted anywhere from a few days to a week or longer. I have allergies too. Bad ones. I've even been to the ER several times over my breathing problems. I'm not talking about hyperventiation or panic-related breathing problems but rather a feeling like my lungs are weak or mildly paralyzed. It's a frightening feeling!.

(3) I developed a very tight and constricted throat shortly after the bat incident to the point where, for the first time in my life, I actually had a very difficult time swallowing food. Now this *could* have been the first stage (prodrome stage) of rabies or it *could* have been the fact that I was terrified about the bat incident, had lots of anxiety and several panic attacks over it. Thus the throat problems.

(4) About a month and a half into the bat incident, I developed horrible insomnia for the first time in my life. Now insomnia can be a symptom of rabies but I had just taken Oxazepam every night for 37 days and had just stopped taking it cold turkey. That first night, I could'nt sleep and lay awake half the night, slept only 2 hours and had horrible nightmares. This went on for 4 days and this has NEVER happened to me before!. Have I become dependant on sleeping aids?. Was it benzo withdrawl?. Rabies?. Who knows?. I now MUST take a Lorazepam in the morning and a Vistaril in the evening or I am a bundle of nerves all day and I can't sleep at night.

(5) About a month after the bat incident, I began to notice that my vision was blurring more and more and I would do these little "tests" where I would look at something out of the corner of my eye and see "double". I did'nt know wether this was normal or not (several people have said it is) and I know that vision problems (especially double vision) can be a symptom of rabies. Of course, I'm getting on in years, don't wear glasses, have just spent a huge amount of time at the computer these past few months and I take benzos and antihistamines - both are well-known to cause visual disturbances.

(6) Anxiety. Anxiety that has been much worse than usual and constant. In the past, I would have periods of time were I'd have anxiety for several weeks or even a month. I'd also have the occassional panic attack (maybe onceor twice a year). Usually,. there was a "trigger event" that cause the anxiety/panic attacks. Sometimes there was not. Anxiety is also a symptom of rabies but it is also a symptom of a few other diseases and of course, it could just be stress over the bat incident, constant worrying, normal anxiety (GAD), etc.

(7) Hypersexuality. Yes, it is a symptom of rabies. Also a preoccupation with or constant fantasizing about sex can be a symptom of rabies. Now without being too explicit here, I will tell you that I usually deal with my "needs" once or twice a week. I'm no sex freak or anything. However, for the last week or more, I have been hotter than a firecracker and find myself taking care of my "needs" at least once every day and sometimes 2-3 times a day. I also fantasize constantly about anything and everything I see on TV, the internet, etc and some of my fantasies border on the bizzare. Now, I must admit that I used to be like this before but my sexual obsessions burned themselves out years ago so why are they suddenly popping up again just recently...only months after the bat incident?.

(8) Then there's the tingling in my right forearm and the morning I woke up and my right arm was almost completely paralyzed. Rabies (in the MUCH later stages) can cause paralysis. Rabies can also cause numbness, tingling, twitching, etc but so can anxiety. So can benzo withdrawal.

So you see, these are things that go through my mind on a daily basis. I KNOW I have anxiety, GAD, OCD, Panic Attacks, Depression, etc. That was never in doubt. It's the little "symptom coincidences" and having new symptoms that I've NEVER had before that worry me.

Then there's the "benzo rollercoaster" where you have some anxiety or maybe a panic attack so you take a Xanax. This calms you right down for awhile but when it finally wears off, your anxiety is twice as bad so you pop another. Pretty soon you are popping one and a half Xanax's or even two at a time to get the same calming affect or maybe you are switching over to another type of benzo and taking that while you withdrawal from the first. In between doses, you suffer from rebound anxiety and you soon become unable to stop taking them. In fact, you can't feel "normal" without them and you just keep digging yourself a deeper and deeper hole. I've been there many times. I've never really had a "craving" or "addiction" to benzos and I've always just stopped taking them once the "storm" had passed. I tried to get off of them a few weeks ago and guess what?. I lay awake for hours trying to go to sleep and when I finally DID fall asleep I was half awake-half asleep for about two hours and then wide awake again. My sheets were sweaty and I felt just WILD inside like some kind of a crazy man. I went a whole week without taking benzos and the anxiety was STILL there. In the past, I did'nt have this problem. I'd simply stop taking them, maybe have a rough day or two and that was it. Why am I having such a hard time this time?. Is it because I've been on them so long this time around (over two months)?. My doctor told me that benzos can cause all kinds of problems and that she's been practicing for 37 years and has seen people really suffer as a result of taking them. She also said that it can take 4 months just to get them out of your system. Maybe all or at least some of my problems are caused by the benzos?.

Anyway, I just needed to get this all down on "paper". Get it documented so people will have the whole picture instead of just some frightened guy screaming his guts out on a message board. Perhaps what I have posted here will give all of you a deeper understanding of why I am the way that I am and what goes on in my mind. Please don't look at this as just another "rabies" post but look at it as a snapshot of my mind...my deepest thoughts.

- GreyGoose

[jmo531]

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[GreyGoose]

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Thank you . A lot of info to digest, I know.

[Hope4me2]

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[SS8282]

(((((((goose)))))) What you've been going through could be a combo of various things (ie - panic/anxiety attack; allergies, physical problems like having your arm in a sling and sleeping on it gives you stiff neck, etc.)

I can understand that you have lots to worry about, and I wish I can help. Seeing a doctor is my best suggestion. At least you know for sure what might be and not be.

I used to get very bad colds and flu, and nobody in the family could figure out why I'm so much worse than everyone else, until I found out I have brittle asthma (unstable asthma which is, at times, difficult to treat).

I also had a hard time seeing at night, and thought I was just a klutz. I was finally dx'd with glaucoma. Had my glasses treated with chemicals to cut down the glare,etc.

What I'm saying is that had I not gotten myself to a doctor, I'd still be having trouble seeing and have terrible colds.

Hope things'll get better for you. Good luck. hugs.

[nothemama8]

Tim, you are a survivor and you are strong , we are here to support you "you can relax now"
Peace and Love
Angie

[Schatze]

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I know almost nothing about rabies, but maybe you could be tested to see if you have it.

Missi