How do I keep talking about this?

Today in T I shared a sexual dream that was linked to my abuse but instead of being scary, it felt OK. Weird, but OK. As we talked about it, I felt the tears come up and my T wanted to know what was happening - was I sad or worried? I finally blurted out, while crying, "I don't know how to be a person who wants sex...and I don't know how to talk about this."

He let me cry a little and then talked about how scary it must be to feel this part of me that has been so repressed, begin to emerge. He said, "we can talk about all this. You had a dream about having sex with me a few weeks ago and we talked about it. There isn't anything we can't talk about in here."

I wanted to die on the spot. Doesn't he know that he is supposed to forget these dreams the minute I leave the session? I told him I was very worried that he would find these feelings inappropriate and intrusive and mostly, presumptuous. He says he won't. And he says he won't terminate or transfer me because of them.

But still...this keeps coming up. There are so many other things to talk about and yet sex keeps coming up. Why is that? He says we don't have to talk about it if it is too hard.

"Are we going to ignore the elephant in the room?" I asked. "We don't do that very well together." He laughed and said, "No we don't. And that is a good thing."

The hardest part about all of this (no pun intended) is that I'm back to feeling frantic between sessions about losing him. I hate these feelings!

(((flowerb))) I'm glad your T is comfortable discussing and working through any topic with you.

In one sense I think that the brain doesn't allow discussion on things you just aren't ready to discuss. So with that point of view, I'm thinking that you must be ready.

Sex, sexual dreams, and the relationship with T are not all that different of topics than any other, imo. It just might feel that way to a patient.

It isn't so much of the exact content of what you're thinking but more of the feelings associated with the thoughts, and of course, the background reasoning of why.

Maybe it will only take a few sessions of focus, and then it will fade into the background. Maybe it is just another part of the whole therapy puzzle you have to figure out for yourself (with T's help ) It might be something you need to address before moving on to another topic.

Don't fret so about your feelings. Realize that they are normal, and that you can control them. Know that you might find a new perspective on these feelings, and find it's all good.

tc.

I think it has to be difficult before it can get easy. Eventually the dreams will stop and you won't have to talk about them because you will have worked that all through and you won't feel like you need your T as much so won't be quite so frantic about losing him.