[veggy]

i don't know if i'm depressed. it seems like a weird thing to say.. like i should know or not.

i am absolutely miserable, but i just put a long post in the bipolar section and it just surrounds the guy i love acting out. when i'm with him i'm not miserable, so i don't know if i can consider my misery depression when i'm only upset because he's gone.

i tried to SU when he snapped the last time... and i had been cutting to stop the panic attacks. they got so bad it hurt when my heart beats. the ER gave me ativan, but no refills. the ativan worked so well... then they gave me hydroxyzine because they figured it would help the insomnia too but it didn't do anything. i never sleep. the only time i ever slept through the night was when i was with him.

then they last tried seroquel because they wanted to control the anxiety and the insomnia in one pill... and they started me at 100mg and she said to increase it. i got up to 400mg before i ran out and i still didn't feel a thing.

i don't know what to tell the doctors anymore... so i just stopped going.

Treatment for mental illness often entails a lot of trial and error. You are absolutely miserable but stopped seeing the doctors. What you are doing is not working. Help from the doctors eventually could work.

Good luck.

[Junerain]

Can you find a doctor you can relate to, one that is understanding?? They are out there, mine is the greatest

What happens when you 'tell' doctors things- where's the misunderstanding?

[Stranger2]

Don't give up on the meds.. They take a while to start working..Do you see a pdoc?? Let him/her know the meds aren't helping.. I too suffer from insomnia.. The meds help me fall asleep but then I am up at 1:00 otr 2:00.. So I take another sleep med and play on the computer for a couple of hours, then I go back to bed..I take a nap in the afternoon after I take my noon meds.. It seems like I sleep deeply for those two hours.. Please see your pdoc..

[BashfullOne]

I have a hard time communicating and getting what I want to say out of my head and into my voice. I find that writing things down before going to the doc's helps a lot! Also this way I don't forget questions that I want to ask - because just getting there to the doctor's appointment I have such a panic attack that I forget everthing I wanted to discuss. So I keep a notebook, when I have a question I write it down so that I have it for my next appointment. It took about four tries before I found a doctor/pyschiatrist that I really like and clicked with. I'm so lucky to have found him - he really understands me!
So don't give up - keep trying - there is a doctor out there for you!

[veggy]

i was seeing a psychiatrist, but i got fired for being in the hospital when i overdosed, so my health insurance is about to go out so i have to stop going when it's gone.. but she basically just says "are you depressed?" and if i say i don't know, she seems kinda frustrated and just wants me to say yes or no. i think i'll call tomorrow to see if i can get another appointment, but with my insurance running out, if what she tries this time doesn't work i won't be able to go back.

[Junerain]

Can you go to a free clinic? Qualify for medicaid??

[veggy]

i can go to a clinic that put me on sliding fees so it's only $25 to go to the doctor and they paid for the seroquel. i made an appointment for thursday with the doctor i was seeing at the psychiatric clinic and i'll talk to her about moving my treatment over there. i also made an appointment for tuesday with a counselor. i wish i could get in sooner. i'm pretty much not sleeping at all and the anxiety is getting a lot worse. i just wish they would have given me ativan, but the ER doctor just said "you can't always get what you want" and i was just so upset because it's not what i WANT it's just what WORKS! you know something works if you wake up in the middle of the night when you feel it wear off.

[Junerain]

(((((((((((((((veggy)))))))))))

[veggy]

hopefully it gets better. i took my niece out for dinner tonight, but now that i've eaten i feel horribly sick.