[anans_i]

i have to try and be objective about this otherwise i won't get it out.

one of the main problems i have regarding my mental state is the constant tension between my rational thoughts and my many anxieties.

i'm surprisingly functional (i have to be, i have a small baby) but i would say at least once or twice every single day the knowledge that the world could come to an end any second in a variety of awful ways arrives back in my head and i struggle to cope with it. i am so terribly afraid of pain and dying horribly and leaving my baby or my husband or for that matter something awful happening to them. i am stuck between trying to get everything done that i want to before i die so i leave some sort of legacy and the thought that something like the LHC will implode the world any second and i will not have time to do that and no-one will remember me and the world in all its incredible beauty will be destroyed that i am constantly paralysed and depressed. all i want to do is do nothing, but then i panic that i would be wasting even more of the precious life i have feeling like that than if i got on and did things. and i hate myself for not just being normal and being able to enjoy things and just have a happy life. my husband is so down-to-earth about everything, be would think i was completely mad if i ever said anything like this to him. and i wouldn't, because i am also afraid that it is like some kind of infectious thought process and i would not wish it on anyone else (sorry). i feel so awful for my baby, as she is so beautiful and innocent and she has no idea of the horrific things that go through her mummy's head and she would be so afraid if she could understand them.

am i the only one who feels like this? i find it so difficult to express any of this stuff and long for someone who might understand these kind of thoughts.

please note - i am not a person of faith, although sometimes i wish i could be - imagine having that blissful sense of serenity that trusting a omnipotent force could bring.

any response right now would be a blessing. x

[sundog]

I can relate to a lot of this. I don't worry about the world ending, but I definitely worry a lot about getting sick and dying in a horrible way. In fact, my biggest anxieties revolve around getting sick. Either me personally getting sick or my husband or my dogs getting sick. I worry about this a lot. To the point, in fact, where I think I am making myself sick!!!!! I frequently have thoughts that I am dying. And I feel physically ill a lot of the time, which just adds fuel to the fire.

I definitely know what you mean about feeling paralyzed by anxiety. That is a very good description. I feel that way too a lot of the time. I feel I am wasting so much of my life by being locked into these anxious thoughts, and, like you, I feel guilty about this. Many of my thoughts and fears are irrational. But telling myself they are irrational doesn't seem to help. Otherwise they'd be rational thoughts/fears, right?? I mean, the very definition of an "irrational fear" is that it isn't reasonable. Therefore telling myself it's an irrational fear doesn't help!! Precisely because the fear is irrational and applying reason to it doesn't work!

I also suffer from panic attacks and I feel very powerless, even though I am working on this in therapy........

Sorry if this response is not very helpful!!! I guess I just wanted to say that I can relate to a lot of what you write here. And I really understand how powerful those irrational thoughts and fears are, and how they take hold. I think we have to keep trying to challenge them and we have to keep trying to continue to do things, even though we have these anxious thoughts. And, hopefully, in time, we will learn to manage them better and they will become less powerful.

Are you getting any professional help at all?

All the best to you!

[feary]

I can also relate A LOT

you can read many of my posts which are the same

just focus on your baby and push through your fear and be adventurous and keep busy go out hang out with lots of people, keep to a routine

just do the opposite of what the fear tells you, do not indulge it, disprove it

focus on all the good things you have

that is what worked for me the first time but I had my young baby with me every day and my husband and a busy social life and family and things to do

but this time I cannot get over it because I am divorced, my babies are shared custody and I have nothing and no one anymore

Once you get over it though, you will be stronger and feel so fearless and on top of the world

I wish you all the best