Throwing myself into an attack.

Why can't I just leave the obsessions and compulsions alone? I throw myself into a panic attack. I call it conquering my fears and phobias trying to figuire things. I know there is nothing to fear. I know it is the phobias. I think by researching what I am afraid of to show myself there is nothing to fear will help. I end up in a cycle of reading and rereading and having anxiety attacks. I hate myself right now.

Faylowell, I hear what you are saying I think. You are looking up stuff you get obsessed about. Like if you get a cold, you go online and research everything that can be causing it. Then if you find something scarey, you know that's got to be it. Am I right?

When I first started getting some evil feeling pain in my stomach and got on the internet, I swore by the time I finished researching, I had stomach or bowel cancer depending on what web site I was on. I worked myself right into an anxiety attack that kept me in the house for days while I was busy working on "good-bye letters to the family". I made an appt with the dr and I did have some small ulcers but I was way out of line with the emotions. It seems like a part of me knows that I am being ridiculous but sometimes I just can't stop it. I think the worst first. My total sympathy and empathy is out to you, faylowell.

I worry about something happening to everybody. My husband watches science fiction and it freaks me out. My mind has trouble distinguishing fact and fiction. Does that make sense? I thought learning about astronomy would help. NOT. It just sets up a vicious ocd cycle and I can't sleep. I don't need to know these things . I have trying so hard to break the cycle. I want to know the whole world is safe. Hurricane Katrina didn't help. The tornado that came through here three weeks ago and destroyed homes and businesses and killed ten people in Mississippi got to me. Seeing a vehicle on its side last night after it hydroplaned didn't help. I do see a doctor on a regular basis. He is concerned about me having panic attacks because it makes my blood go up and I am already on two blood pressures meds and a fluid pill. When I discuss my problems with him, I feel embarrassed about my fears and phobias but he is very understanding as a matter factor he relocated here because of Hurricane Katrina. He had a thriving practice in New Orleans. He regulates my antidepressant and benzo as needed. I just hate it that I do this to myself. I want to break the cycle. The Big Guy upstairs doesn't need my help. He has everything under control.

You are being rather harsh with yourself, Donna. Love yourself. Be well.

Thanks for the encouragement. I just hate having these problems. I am my own worst enemy. I really need to learn to appreciate the positive things about myself. I just see the negative. It's the depression and ocd. At least my husband, my family, and friends love me and I have my friends here at PC to talk to.

I have the same issues and I wish I had an answer for you. I am battling the same thing so just know that you are not alone!