[Mrhomercat]

Hi, What is it like to feel a sense of wholeness? Has anyone recently experienced, maybe for a brief time, a sense of stability? If so, please share your experience and how you achieved it. I am so numb to any sort of stimulus. Affirmations and kudo's are truly appreciated, but nothing is having an effect on me.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Standing in the full moonlight, making elixirs, potions, watching the clouds skim across the sky. Feeling strong, complete in who I am knowing that I can make a difference to the lives of even only a few people. Walking to the oceans edge to wet the hem of my dress in honour of the magnetic power of the moon and the Goddess. Feeling total and complete in this knowledge that I've had since before I was born.

For a few days I am feeling good, in my true self at my most comfortable my most pwoerful; then one morning I wake up and that part of me is gone again. My chest feels heavy, I feel low and I miss her, that part of me who at times makes me feel so powerful and strong, no anxiety, no fear, no sadness no un-happiness and I cry. I beg her to come back and stay but she doesn't answer me, she just stands there with her staff watching as I struggle along, she doesn't like me to beg.

[lynn P.]

((Mrhomercat)) - I remember reading your 1st few posts where you mentioned you're living in a shelter. I can't imagine how hard this must be, but I've also read posts where you're supporting others and I thought - how great this is. It's easy to understand how, having mental illness but then being homeless, must be so hard. Then I started thinking about people like Ghandi and Mother Theresa - how they lived in poverty and saw the wrath of sickness and poverty - yet they lived in peace.

So I hope that until things change for you - that you can find your own peace within yourself among the chaos. At the moment I can't say I feel whole due to my marriage - this shattered me to pieces but I'm still standing. I think the closest I ever came to feeling whole, is when I had my girls - a clean slate. When you think of how a fetus grows and a new life is created, it's so magnificent.

BTW can social services find you some low cost housing?

[Mrhomercat]

Originally Posted by lynn P.

((Mrhomercat)) - I remember reading your 1st few posts where you mentioned you're living in a shelter. I can't imagine how hard this must be, but I've also read posts where you're supporting others and I thought - how great this is. It's easy to understand how, having mental illness but then being homeless, must be so hard. Then I started thinking about people like Ghandi and Mother Theresa - how they lived in poverty and saw the wrath of sickness and poverty - yet they lived in peace.

So I hope that until things change for you - that you can find your own peace within yourself among the chaos. At the moment I can't say I feel whole due to my marriage - this shattered me to pieces but I'm still standing. I think the closest I ever came to feeling whole, is when I had my girls - a clean slate. When you think of how a fetus grows and a new life is created, it's so magnificent.

BTW can social services find you some low cost housing?

Thanks for the kind words Lynn. Although I really would't compare my plight with Ghandi or Mother Theresa (lol), I do try to keep as optimistic as possible. I am working with the local housing agencies and have an appointment on the 5th of August, I'll keep you posted on the outcom. Till then, best wishes.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by Mrhomercat

I am so numb to any sort of stimulus.

Look at why that is true? Sometimes we get overstimulated and so have to "correct" and often, for me at least, the correction was hours, days, weeks, months of numbness. It's okay to rest! That's allowed. Realize that your mind and body is taking care of you the best it can at the moment and is doing a good job of it! Relax into it and "enjoy" the feeling of not having to be anxious, angry, too sad, etc.

I would use the time to think of a few things that you have put off doing because you either didn't want to do them or they seemed overwhelming or some other negative feeling. If you are numb, you should be able to do those thing just as easily or "might as well" as anything else? For me, when I think things are horrible I figured they can't get much worse so I pick things I don't generally want to to and start doing them. You'd be surprised (or many not :-) at how suddenly I have several other things I'd rather do. There's a hierarchy in there and when you recognize that, I hope it makes you smile at what you're doing for/to yourself Call your bluff and decide to scrub the kitchen floor or clean the garage/attic/spare room.