[RebbieDoll]

I don't even understand my brain anymore. My anxiety is messing with my mind so much. I am now too afraid to chew gum, because it so often triggers depersonalization. What?! Chewing gum is not supposed to set off an episode of feeling like I'm not in my body. Hyper-aware of the sensations on my own tongue, I panic; and unless I calm down fast, my consciousness slips out, terrified my body will forget how to breathe in my absence. Or, I'll be going about business as usual when suddenly and gradually, everything becomes manically fast and sluggish, cacophonous and muted, all at once. It's like an accelerated, slow motion, silent roaring of my whole world. Therapy gets me nowhere; my meds are at a dead end. And I just keep falling down.

[Perna]

I don't believe there is any such thing as "insanity". One can have an anxiety disorder or depression or schizophrenia or bipolar, etc. but one isn't just "insane". Especially one who is so articulate and descriptive as you are

I take it your body has not betrayed you by stopping breathing before? And/or, if you did stop breathing, your resumed it's breathing once it was unconscious? One thing I learned to do quick was start counting on my body to help me. I found out it's impossible to cry myself to death, if I was really frightened, I closed down; I guess for you, you drift away? What is wrong with that? It does feel odd and, sometimes, uncomfortable but I've always come back, always been okay after a bit. It's like when you feel really sad and can't stop crying no matter how much you wish you could? However, the crying under those circumstances are just more socially acceptable than our mind wandering off and our perceptions changing when we're afraid?

I use to get my hair cut as a disguise. The "group" in my head would get a bit too noisy and seemingly threatening so I'd get my hair cut so they couldn't find me for a while.

Were I you, I'd ignore what frightens you; I'd chew gum if I wanted, I'd do whatever thing I thought was "normal" (socially acceptable) no matter how my perception of the situation changed. I'd leave my perceptions and odd thoughts (socially unacceptable) and symptoms alone, let my body do its thing protecting me and work with my therapist on what was really upsetting me, what my actual experience and behaviors had been and what had happened out there in the world (as opposed to inside my head) as a result.

Therapy and meds can't get into you head and change you. Meds can sometimes help so you can think better but they're temporary and sometimes can have side effects almost as difficult as the problem itself.

Don't worry about your body, RebbieDoll; it's not something your conscious head can do anything about! You can't change the color of your eyes by thinking about it, only by going out and buying colored contact lenses! Concentrate on what's out "there" and not your perception or how your body responds. Yes, definitely tell your therapist about your recent fear of chewing gum because you are afraid you will quit breathing but then "accept" that that's not possible. No one has quit breathing when they chewed gum. The logic that follows is that feeling like that might happen, that you're slipping away and going to stop breathing, cannot hurt you. Call your thoughts, feelings and perception's bluff and get back the energy needed to maintain them so you can look at what really bothers you.

[ECHOES]

I use to get my hair cut as a disguise. The "group" in my head would get a bit too noisy and seemingly threatening so I'd get my hair cut so they couldn't find me for a while.

I love this. ((Perna))

I wonder if that is why I feel so different when I color my hair...

[Rhiannonsmoon]

I use to get my hair cut as a disguise. The "group" in my head would get a bit too noisy and seemingly threatening so I'd get my hair cut so they couldn't find me for a while.