[brennab]

Hi everyone,

I'm brand-spanking new here, so a little intro. I've been married 13 years to my high school sweetheart, and we have 2 children. My husband has had issues with anxiety ever since we were dating (though we didn't know what it was) and had his first full-blown panic attack in '94. He's been to different therapists and tried a variety of medications over the years, but it's gotten worse. He no longer travels anywhere outside a 2-3 mile radius of our house, and even then certain areas are still off-limits. He doesn't drive alone, and only occasionally drives when I'm in the car. He works from home now, and is finally seeing a decent therapist along with a fantastic GP.

Here's where I am. I love and support him, and I'm not going anywhere. But I'm reaching the breaking point. I do just about everything outside the house--groceries, appointments, car maintenance, Scouts--you name it. I take our children to everything by myself, and the pity from other parents is getting a little old. I just want to have a normal life with my husband and not have to automatically question, "How far is it? What time of day is it being held? What if he didn't get a good night's sleep?" and on and on and on. He's missed out on so much, and we've put off so many trips and special events because we want to wait "until Dad gets better."

I've heard so often over the years that he's "getting better," but it's starting to be like the boy who cried wolf. I don't want to become cynical about it, but I'm getting there. I really need some reassurance.

[nickycdv]

Hi brennab
sorry to hear about your husbands anxiety - it obviously has a massive impact on your daily lives. You're definitely in the right place for advice and support which it sounds as though you need as much as he does. I'm not an expert so can't say he'll get better or suggest very much.
I'm sure someone will be able to give you pointers for support etc, just want to say people on here are always ready to listen and support so keep posting.
Nx

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Hello Brenna,

Welcome to PC. I have agoraphobia which stops me from leaving the house at all unless there is a very good reason even then there is no guarantee that I will go anyway.

Therapy is supposed to be good but it didn't work for me, the T I had was more interested in telling me about her other patients. As soon as people find out I'm a counsellor they switch from patient care to patient discussion. I appreciate the conference but it's inappropriate.

I've only left the house a hand full of times since 2004 and then only when my partner is with me. I have tried to overcome the issue by booking and paying for flights to the mainland so that I would have to go because they are paid for and I don't like to waste money. I was ok for a while but then went into constant panic attack mode wanting to make my way home and hide.

I go out less now than I did before. But I am ok with that. There never is a problem for the one who has the problem. Every time we leave the house we consider ourselves better, healed though it doesn't work that way.

There is a carers support forum where you would get support and advice from other carers as well as ideas that may help you.

I would tell you one thing now. Don't put trips and holidays off because if you do you may as well be the one who wrote "Cats in the Cradle" because your kids will grow up resenting their father. Go away take time out, either with the kids or without them; you need a holiday as they do at times. It isn't worth putting off experiences you will never otherwise have. At least make some memories for you and the kids. Your husband won't mind believe me.

I encourage my partner to go out maintaining the photography and going far and wide and he does do that, though I know he would rather me be with him he does understand that there are only certain times I will go most of those I catch myself unawares and decide to go on the spur of the moment and take my anxiety and panic meds with me. Sometimes I like to catch myself out it really is like living with more than one person haha.

I really feel for you, but I feel for your hubby too. I can see it from both sides and it is so wearing on the carer especially when there are children involved. If there are family friends or the kids friends who volunteer to take them to games or their place while you have a soak in the bath, or get your hair done etc then please take those rare kinds of opportunities so that you don't burn out,

Take care

[owen2110]

I am husband, been married for 19 years to my "highschool" sweetheart, I have been suffering from anxiety and depression for over 3 years now. I feel a lot of guilt and shame because I never want to do anything!! I continue to work fulltime, because I have to!!

I would suggest that do the best you can to have a life.......there isn't much you can do, and it's not your fault that this has happened, the worst thing you can do is make him feel guilty for being sick.