Circle of my life

So I am awake

Out of a sound sleep

My mind is racing, so fast that I cant even begin to tell you the thoughts that are going through my mind. I guess the usual thoughts, death, blah, blah, blah, blah....the usual.

I get so scared to the point where I cant even move. I want to move. I want to run away, but I dont, I lay here, waiting. I always wonder when will this end. This fear, these thoughts. When will my throat feel not tight. When will I be able to catch my breath.

So I get up to take the dog out. I sit on the front step and I gaze at the sky. All I see is absolute clearness, stars, moon, silence in the sky.....peace

Makes you wonder, how can my life go from terror to absolute beauty.

{{{{{jmo}}}}} I'm with ya. It's 4:30 here on the west coast and I've been up since 3:00 when I woke up with a start, realizing I forgot to do something at work that may cause a problem later this morning. I'm now locked in OCD mode, obsessing and worrying about something I can't fix right now. Why can't my brain just let me let it go? Why do I have to lose precious (and much needed) sleep over this? Isn't my Lexapro supposed to prevent these attacks? Actually, I guess I'm not having as bad of an attack as I know I would be if I wasn't on it. But I'm still wide awake and I don't have to be up for another 2 hours. Your idea about going outside to look at the stars is a good one. It always helps me to connect with nature when I feel anxious.

Hope you feel better!

Kelly

Me too.

How come we can feel ill and still see the beauty of the world? Maybe, feeling ill makes us notice things like that, who knows?

As you know, I like to travel, but it's a battle pushing through the anxiety. There's problems with claustrophobia and food, all that stuff. But I take a lot of photos, and I get to see places. I remember the quality of the light, the farmland, the beaches, people we meet, and that's good.

In my memory, I never think about the anxiety I had on the trip at all. I just think about what I've seen. I say, "I still have the visuals."

IMHO what we sufferers lack is a feeling of well being, something that I don't get much of at all.

A confession - about 5 years ago I tried a street drug; I was with an old friend. Just a little and just once. You know, I felt better straight away - I felt like I had been cured. It was instant! I felt NORMAL. I learned from that experience that I must never get involved in that stuff, and I have never done it again. I wonder how many people with a undiagnosed anxiety/depression get caught like that, a lot I would think.

OK - so I don't have a feeling of well being, quite the reverse.

But at least it's my own experience. I have resisted the Prozac, for my own reasons, but the Psych said to me "You don't know what it's like to feel normal".

Well, we each tread our own paths.

Peaceful thoughts to you Jen, I only wish we really could give them to each other. M

Just looking at JMO's signiture picture makes me feel peaceful. I like it.
I hope you come to terms with whatever has you feeling anxious.
((((((((((((Jen))))))))))))
((((((((((((Kel))))))))))))
((((((((((Myzen))))))))))))

it happens to me. i never understand it. i just take the gift.

((((((((((((Kel)))))))))))))))))

((((((((((((((((((Myzen))))))))))))))))))))))

(((((((((((((((((((((Jax))))))))))))))))))))))

(((((((((((((((((Pat))))))))))))))))))))


Thank you all. Still wondering whats going on with me. There is always a reason I get like this. I just havent figured it out.

thanks for the hugs {{{{{{{you guys}}}}}}}. It's amazing how warm and fuzzy your cyber hugs make me feel. I love this forum. I wish I could have you all over for tea. I think I said that once, a long time ago... Anyway, {{{{jmo}}}} hope today and tonight were better for you. I am going to pass out now. After being up in the middle of the night last night, I crawled back in bed around 4:45 and slept in fitful little bits until my alarm went off at 6:00. Then I was asked to work some OT tonight so I didn't get home til 7:45 PM. Looooong day but I like my job (data entry/customer service) so it's not so bad. Night night... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....

Love,
-k.

(((((((((((Kelle))))))))))))

Well I woke at 5 am this morning. *sigh*

(((((((((((((((((((jen))))))))))))))))))))) hoping for a respite.