[digdug]

Hello all. For those who aren't aware, the Canadian version of Thanksgiving is coming up this weekend. So here's the deal: I'll be travelling to my parents' place, which is about 5 hours away. It also happens to be in the same city where my wife lives (for those who don't know, I had to move for grad school before my wife could make arrangements to change jobs...while I see her often enough, it is very hard).

Now, my two siblings happen to live nearby, and are also heading to the same place. The thing is that, I like travelling on my own on the bus...I like the anonymity, the fact I can set my own schedule, I can read or get work done, and I just don't enjoy being in cars. But my parents keep trying to get me to get a ride with one of my siblings, and I have to keep coming up with convoluted reasons as to why that is not possible. I know it might have easier to come clean instead of making up stories, but I think we all know how complicated things get with family. Plus I didn't think that they would keep coming at me about this...I figured one excuse would do the trick (at least I know better now).

The stress of this is just getting to be ridiculous. I have so many things going on right now that actually should be causing me stress, but this is something that should be calming (having some time off with family, etc.) I'm stunned that the one things that should be easy on my agenda is giving me the most anxiety.

It's getting to the point where if they nag me anymore, I swear I'm going to threaten a boycott. I shouldn't have to deal with these politics, and I don't deserve to.

Anyway, just wanted to vent, and was wondering if anyone had any advice, or could at least empathize with similar stories of family holiday mayhem.

[gimmeice]

(((((((((( digdug ))))))))))))
I am sorry that your family is putting so much stress on you. I recommend just telling them that you are riding the bus and that's final.
For several years I tried giving my family excuses and it was way to stressful now I put my foot down and it makes me feel good about myself. Good luck with this situation

[digdug]

Originally Posted by gimmeice

(((((((((( digdug ))))))))))))
I am sorry that your family is putting so much stress on you. I recommend just telling them that you are riding the bus and that's final.
For several years I tried giving my family excuses and it was way to stressful now I put my foot down and it makes me feel good about myself. Good luck with this situation

Thanks for the advice and encouragement. I know that honesty is always the best policy, but I knew folks here would understand that it isn't always the easiest policy. I'm very glad I posted this now.

OK-- completely off topic, but.... DigDug, I really do want to read your thread, but I have to get back to my work... I just needed to say that you have the coolest user name in the world. DigDug is like my favorite video game and it has the best sound effects ever.

[splitimage]

Family can really be aggravating at times. I'd recommend the broken record approach. "thank you but I want to take the Bus" repeat as often as necessary. It's not necessary to justify your decision to anyone. But if really pushed, you could add in the statement that you're planning on using the time to do work for school.

Good luck and I hope it doesn't turn into any more drama.

--splitimage

[CedarS]

Broken record is a great solution.

Plus then you can change the subject, maybe say you have a good joke and then tell one, whatever changes the conversational flow. If broken record and conversation redirect don't work, and they probably will, make an excuse and get off the phone.



I definitely can relate to family and holiday stress.

[digdug]

Broken record sounds like a good plan...I hope I have the nerve to pull it off. Well, I'm not caving on this issue, plus I bought the bus ticket today, so it's a done deal.

I also have a very important scholarship application to finish up this week. I figure that that's good ammo to halt any prolonged haggling over this.

Thanks for the advice, everyone. Also, pinksoil, thanks for the compliment about my username. I was thrilled when those Namco Arcade TV units came out a few years back and Dig-Dug was on one. Good to meet a fellow fan. In fact, you've inspired me to dig up a proper avatar.

[jbug]

I understand having anxiety when it comes to family time together. I just wanted to give you gentle and say I hope you end up having a good time while you are with your family.

If you ever need to vent about dealing with family feel free to PM me. I live in the same area as my family and family gathering seem to bring on anxiety for me also.

Jbug

[digdug]

Originally Posted by jbug

I understand having anxiety when it comes to family time together. I just wanted to give you gentle and say I hope you end up having a good time while you are with your family.

If you ever need to vent about dealing with family feel free to PM me. I live in the same area as my family and family gathering seem to bring on anxiety for me also.

Jbug

Thanks very much. I do get along with my family well enough, it's just these politics that bother me...well, you know what I'm talking about, I'm sure. Holidays make it tougher in that we're forced and expected to do certain things, and people have a hard time understanding the anxiety that causes.

[CedarS]

Rewarding yourself after doing something challenging might be very helpful. Even a small reward can help a lot.

[nonightowl]

Originally Posted by digdug

Hello all. For those who aren't aware, the Canadian version of Thanksgiving is coming up this weekend. So here's the deal: I'll be travelling to my parents' place, which is about 5 hours away. It also happens to be in the same city where my wife lives (for those who don't know, I had to move for grad school before my wife could make arrangements to change jobs...while I see her often enough, it is very hard).

Now, my two siblings happen to live nearby, and are also heading to the same place. The thing is that, I like travelling on my own on the bus...I like the anonymity, the fact I can set my own schedule, I can read or get work done, and I just don't enjoy being in cars. But my parents keep trying to get me to get a ride with one of my siblings, and I have to keep coming up with convoluted reasons as to why that is not possible. I know it might have easier to come clean instead of making up stories, but I think we all know how complicated things get with family. Plus I didn't think that they would keep coming at me about this...I figured one excuse would do the trick (at least I know better now).

The stress of this is just getting to be ridiculous. I have so many things going on right now that actually should be causing me stress, but this is something that should be calming (having some time off with family, etc.) I'm stunned that the one things that should be easy on my agenda is giving me the most anxiety.

It's getting to the point where if they nag me anymore, I swear I'm going to threaten a boycott. I shouldn't have to deal with these politics, and I don't deserve to.

Anyway, just wanted to vent, and was wondering if anyone had any advice, or could at least empathize with similar stories of family holiday mayhem.

I agree with JBUG, that if you ever need to vent about family stuff, please PM me! This time of the year is the time I DREAD every year. Everyone does not have a family like a hallmark card! I agree with another user who said to say you can use the study time alone on the bus. Otherwise, you don't need to justify anything. GEEZ, you are not a child and they're acting like you are. "Go with your siblings." I get the guilt trip talk, "Why don't you visit more often?" Because it's uncomfortable, that's why. Because they still try to treat me like a child to be bossed around, because I can't truly open up and say what's REALLY going on in my life, and what I REALLY think, because we were never "that kind" of family. No warm, fuzzy feeling believe me. Just small talk. No hugs and kisses. Also, what I do is set a time limit on how long I'll stay, then GO.

I don't have much time at the moment to elaborate on this, but next time!


P.S. I like your user name too!

[digdug]

Originally Posted by nonightowl

I agree with JBUG, that if you ever need to vent about family stuff, please PM me! This time of the year is the time I DREAD every year. Everyone does not have a family like a hallmark card! I agree with another user who said to say you can use the study time alone on the bus. Otherwise, you don't need to justify anything. GEEZ, you are not a child and they're acting like you are. "Go with your siblings." I get the guilt trip talk, "Why don't you visit more often?" Because it's uncomfortable, that's why. Because they still try to treat me like a child to be bossed around, because I can't truly open up and say what's REALLY going on in my life, and what I REALLY think, because we were never "that kind" of family. No warm, fuzzy feeling believe me. Just small talk. No hugs and kisses. Also, what I do is set a time limit on how long I'll stay, then GO.

I don't have much time at the moment to elaborate on this, but next time!


P.S. I like your user name too!

Thanks very much for your post...well, thanks to everyone of course, but you've really hit the nail on the head when it comes to my family (I suppose because it's so similar to yours).

I get along well enough with my parents, but only because I set strict limits on what I talk about. For example, when I was stuck in a job I hated and was planning to go back to school, I couldn't even bring up the subject with them. They never would have understood that I was sick of the tech industry and wanted a fresh start in humanities...they would have thought I was insane, I'm sure, and would have done everything they could have to discourage me. So I just had to do it and tell them the sketchy details. And look, it all worked out for me! Imagine that!

Like you said, it's all small talk with these people. And this is my family, for crying out loud.

Anyway, I'm sending the mass e-mail out tomorrow telling everyone I'm taking the bus. Yes, I know e-mail is sort of cowardly, but allow me my baby steps.

[nonightowl]

I can certainly relate, DigDug!! I get the "You should be grateful for what you have" or "There are others worse off" or "You should not feel that way." There's nothing worse than an invalidation of my feelings from anyone! They really minimize or downplay anything I feel.

Yeah, it's for FAMILY for Pete's sake. Heck, I find it easier to write on this site to people I've never even met than talk to my own family! I can talk to my boyfriend of almost 2 years better than them. And I've "known" them over 40 years.

I see from my calendar that October 13th is the Canadian Thanksgiving. I'm pulling for you!

[nightbird]

Me too, digdug!

Have the best time possible and have your boundaries intact to protect you and your peace!

Sending you an extra batch of peace ... for the visit!

Peace and Understanding,
night

p.s. e-mailing was a brilliant idea!

xoxo

[digdug]

Thanks for the well wishes, everyone.

nightbird, I'm glad you thought the e-mail idea was a good one. I thought at first I was taking the easy way out, but it seemed to do the trick, and nobody has bothered me all week (sad that I'm happy that my own family isn't "bothering" me, but that's life).

nonightowl, I believe I have heard those exact same lines, though at least not as much as I used to when I was living under their roof. Yes, Thanksgiving is this weekend...taking the bus tomorrow. At least this will be done with soon

Thanks again, everyone. I can't truly describe how much your support has meant.

[nonightowl]

Now that it's that time of the year again, (and we just had one holiday down, 2 more to go..) anybody else putting their foot down and NOT doing the traditional family thing??

The holidays seem to come around faster and faster each year to me. I'm relieved Thanksgiving is over. The holidays are really only a little over a month long, but if feels like a YEAR. LOL

[nonightowl]

Okay, now that we got through Christmas, it's New Year's. To me, it's less of a a family holiday than Christmas, but sometimes you still want it to be over.

Anyone else out there thinking about getting through New Year's, like worrying about how noisy it will be if you just want a quiet evening to just PASS?? Or maybe you feel you "have" to do something exciting tomorrow? Or it's just another day??

[wing]

I HAVE to do three different events tonight and am brainwashing myself to get through them. The anticipation is the worst, and I'm going to use all my tools to keep myself relaxed and maybe even have a good time! Tomorrow is the family get-together, and we all know how that goes...I'm just hanging on and doing my best till it's all over, one event at a time.

[hayward]

Maybe you could celebrate New Year's by being glad it's not Thanksgiving or Christmas...

[nonightowl]

You have a point Hayward, although I was worried about NOISE on New Year's Eve, like people firing guns into the air or fireworks going off. Wakes me up. The guns are dangerous.