[lavieenrose]

There are times when I feel myself withdraw from friends, both IRL and here at PC. Maybe it coincides with times of increased anxiety or depression or the brain fog of ADD. It feels like I can't think clearly, or be articulate, or don't have much to say or contribute. Reading can feel labor-intensive. I then start thinking that I'm lacking social skills or that I'm cold. I know that it's not true, but those thoughts occur anyway.

There are other times when I have more mental energy, more interest in reaching out, and in being a support to others. I'm trying not to be judgmental toward myself for the phases of withdrawal. I know that I don't have to keep up with those who post more. Does anyone else move in and out of phases like these?

[Umbral_Seraph]

Absolutely. I've had plenty of times where I just didn't want to be around anybody and have turned down doing things with friends because of it. Often it's difficult for me to articulate my thoughts and I'll just kinda shut down. I really am lacking in social skills though.

[sundog]

(((((((lavie))))))) I can relate to this when it comes to my online social participation. I don't socialize much in real life - on average about once or twice a month - and that is pretty consistent and doesn't tend to go in phases or vary. But I do notice some fluctuations with my online participation. I post a lot in the Games forum pretty much regardless of how I'm feeling, but my participation in the serious forums does go in phases and has quite a bit to do with my confidence level and low self-esteem issues. But also, as you say here, it has to do with my (in)ability to concentrate. Very often I just can't focus on really long posts. And sometimes anything more than a paragraph is too much. That isn't so much anxiety-related as feeling too unfocused to focus. Either because of brain fog or because my mind is leaping all over the place. Sometimes it's depression-related too. And sometimes I feel really apathetic.

I would think it's not common to go in phases of posting more and then posting less. Or socializing more or less. I don't think it's necessarily about lacking social skills. Certainly not in your case! Even though you talk about sometimes having trouble articulating your thoughts, it never comes across like that. You are really articulate and strike me as very socially skilled. Not to mention you're a hoot in games!!!!

[lavieenrose]

((((((Umbral)))))) and ((((((Sundog)))))), thanks so much for your responses. It helps a lot of know that I'm not alone in this. It's such an icky state of mind, reading posts where others are connecting, enjoying fellowship, helping each other, and I'm feeling cut off, cold, unable to extend myself. I wish I would automatically remember that those times do give way to a "warming up" again. Thanks again.

[Leed]

Gosh, I go in and out of that all the time. I think that's pretty normal, actually. I don't see that as being any kind of "syndrome." I think we ALL go thru that at one time or another.

You're doing fine. Just be patient with yourself and don't look for problems. You sound pretty "alright" to me. God bless and take care. Hugs, Lee

[sundog]

In my earlier post I wrote "it's not common" and what I meant to write was "it's not UNcommon"!!! Sorry about that!! In other words, what I meant was, I think a lot of people probably experience these phases. Sorry for any confusion!!

I can also relate to what you say here about feeling left out. I do feel that too, but usually it's just my perception and it's not really true. But that still doesn't stop me feeling left out sometimes!!! I have to be in a pretty good mood to be able to "banter". I'm not someone who is naturally witty and if I'm feeling down, there is no way I can banter back and forth in Games, or wherever. So definitely I can relate to feeling excluded sometimes from the connection others seem to share. But, as you say, we do "warm up" again. And I hope you are getting warmer by the minute! (((((((((lavie))))))))

The other thing is - though this can be hard - I think it can be really help if we actually say, "hey, I feel really down or really shut out right now". Sometimes I make the mistake of expecting people to mind-read that. And then I get upset if they don't offer me extra support. When, in fact, I didn't actually ask for any. I just withdrew and expected people to notice. So I think it's great that you are writing about it here. And giving us a chance to write about our experiences too. Thank you for that!

[hopelessnosophobe]

Originally Posted by lavieenrose

There are times when I feel myself withdraw from friends, both IRL and here at PC. Maybe it coincides with times of increased anxiety or depression or the brain fog of ADD. It feels like I can't think clearly, or be articulate, or don't have much to say or contribute. Reading can feel labor-intensive. I then start thinking that I'm lacking social skills or that I'm cold. I know that it's not true, but those thoughts occur anyway.

There are other times when I have more mental energy, more interest in reaching out, and in being a support to others. I'm trying not to be judgmental toward myself for the phases of withdrawal. I know that I don't have to keep up with those who post more. Does anyone else move in and out of phases like these?

Yes, I understand what your saying. Sometimes it feels so lonely! You need help, you want help but it feels like others dont or wont understand! Sometimes the people in our lives that we should be able to count on are the worst and that really hurts. Then again I start to think well maybe its me maybe I'm not expressing myself right or not making myself understood and atleast for me thats a trigger that makes me shut down and give up. I truly am sorry your hurting so much and feeling so isolated, I wish I had words that could help. I'll be thinking of you and atleast knowing that I am not the only one who is reaching out and finding no one there to catch me, atleast in that we are not alone!