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#1
Feb 20, 2011, 11:32 PM
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Every girl with her name is her, every boy with his is too. My friend acts a little off cause he's upset or sick, I see their names on a chatboard or anywhere and suddenly I'm scared it's them. But I know that's not true because they're not as obsessed with ruining my life as I am obsessed with their ghosts. I'm scared that they're stalking me, I'm scared that I'll be forgotten. I'm scared of moving forward with my life, scared of change, and leaving behind the normal that I've been rotting in for over 3 years.. but also afraid of going back to them. I don't want to stay where I am now, but I don't want to go anywhere either. No where feels safe anymore and I'm just so tired of it all.
I should let go, get rid of all this anxiety, but I cannot. I'm worried that my my knowledge of who they are isn't true and it's cause from possibly having BPD or maybe it's just my teenage emotions going haywire so I idealize them and demonize them depending on what they do.. Then I worry that I'm being too dramatic, I'm changing situations so I'm the victum, I'm the one left abandoned (which is esentially how I'm always feeling) and what they said is true, but then I don't have any knowledge of who I am either so I'm just left pulilng my hair out not knowing what to think. I've been trying to ignore these thoughts for months now as people have told me to in real life, but it's not helping..  I'm much too young to be having all these issues.. If I talked to my Dad about it he'd brush me off and I've been kicked outta that therapy thing.. *sigh*
__________________
~ to alter your fate, you must be brave and willing to try something new ~
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#2
Feb 21, 2011, 01:45 AM
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Can you find another therapist, someone who will listen? Or write out a letter to your dad, so you don't have to directly tell him stuff at first?
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#3
Feb 21, 2011, 11:24 AM
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My Dad is seeminly against mental health issues unless it's genetic. When I talk about things I might have, or even, things other people have had in my books he'll say "everyone just has to have some type of problem don't they?" and completely shut me off. Im in the middle of finding a new therpist but after getting kicked out I've lost my motivation to try.
__________________
~ to alter your fate, you must be brave and willing to try something new ~
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