[la doctora]

I've been dealing with anxiety and mental illness for several years now, and it has just occurred to me this morning after reading something that social anxiety is a humongous problem for me. After reading the wiki article I feel like I could have written it about me. Then I scored a 43 on the online test and it said that I was very SEVERE.

How do you have something to a "t" like that and not know about it until now???

I work in a situation where everything rides on my skills, decisions, and actions. People are contstantly watching me and looking to me for answers. I think I avoided beginning my career for almost 4 years out of fear of being less than perfect, making a mistake, or being criticized or thought of as "less than adequate". Now I am facing it but I work with some freaking harsh people that thrive on criticizing other people. It's like the worse place a person with social anxiety could work. They are not very supportive and will laugh at me as quickly as they will encourage me. I feel that people are upset with me but I don't understand why. I feel rushed bc they tell me I am so slow, but that's the only way I can function and feel like I won't make a mistake. They say that they are "joking around" all the time, but the things they say bother me and I don't find it entertaining to feel that way. I don't feel like I am overly sensitive to them as I have worked with other people and other situations and I have never been around a group of people that thrive on the criticicm of others SO MUCH. I realize that this is their problem, not mine, but the social anxiety is not allowing me to deal with it as such and it is affecting me.

Anyway, I have something called Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome and I have episodes that keep me out of work sometimes. That is also a reason for them to criticize me and talk about me (which I am sure they are doing). Before, I would never take off work unless I was actively vomiting. I would still go even if I was nauseous and felt sick bc I wanted to feel in control and try to overcome it. I have only just begun to admit this to myself, but I have been using the nausea as an excuse to stay home from work in an effort to avoid the anxiety that work is causing me. They more I stay home, the more I am afraid to go to work the next day. It is feeding on itself.

They job would be great if I could just wipe out all the employees and start fresh with about 5 new, professional, ethical, and somewhat educated adults.... but that's not an option.

I used to see a pdoc for issues before I moved. None of them here will take my insurance so I have been determined to handle things on my own for the past 6 months. I'm beginning to think that I will have to see one anyway. I heard this is really hard to overcome without help.

I am a very strong person and can do a lot on my own, but I'm not sure where I should start drawing the line these days. Things seem worse.

I must work to survive as my hubby is out of a job now. I feel so pressured and I am avoiding, I know... How do I break the cycle? I panic attack every time I think I will decide to suck it up and go to work....

[lynn P.]

((la doctora)) - I'm sorry you're struggling so much right now. When I was younger I used to be very shy with social anxiety. In my 20's I learned to manage it and my confidence improved. It's not completely gone but it's much better. When I was in my 20's I had a job where I started to dread going, so I know the feeling. Unfortunately the longer you stay out, the harder it gets to go back.

Is there a superior you could talk to about problems at work or are they part of the problem too? Would being assertive to their comments help or make it worse? Do you have a family doctor who could give you something to get over this hurdle and are you on psych meds ATM? I've never heard of Cyclic Vomiting before - what causes it? I found this support group and I hope you feel better soon.

http://www.cvsaonline.org/

Some people have found this supplement helps(GABA) but do consult with your doctor first and buy from a reputable health food store:
http://www.gabasupplement.com/

[la doctora]

Thanks lynn! I am actually a member of CVSA. It's a rare disorder and not many have heard of it. You hit the nail on the head with that website. It's a gem for people learning about the disorder and figuring out which meds work for you. Trouble is, it is a very small support group since there are so few of us, so the dynamic is different there. There aren't many moderators to answere questions, and people are always asking things rather than having much advice to give, so the focus is on awareness that the disorder is out there and what to do in the ER, rather than support for everyday problems that result from it. I start threads sometimes there, but rarely get responses that are insightful. Most people are focused on getting the docs to pay attention to you and learn about CVS rather than proclaiming that it is "all in our heads", which is the norm for us.

I only have one superior, and as he is probably my fave to deal with out of all of them since he is the only other educated person there, but he is still very closed minded about mental illness. I have known him my whole life, and while he is tolerant, he doesn't believe in the world rearranging for people that can't handle life. I have heard him pretty much say those exact words before as harsh as that is.

I was slightly assertive the other day over a comment, and while I feel it was helpful for me to do that, they only made out like I was an emotional basket case and I needed to "take a chill pill and relax"

Actually I want to tell you the comment so you can tell me if overreacted IYO.
I stayed home one day vomiting. Got a text a little later that morning that said, "Omg, suck it up and get ur *** to work"
There were no emoticons or anything to indicate tone. I actually thought about it and tried to decide if I should respond in a joking way or in an assertive way. I sortof did both. I let them know I didn't appreciate it by saying that I seriously hoped that they were joking, bc if not, I need to sit them down and explain this thing better, bc it it is not a matter of sucking it up, it is bigger than me when it happens. and that it is very important to me that they know I will be there if I can.
Keep in mind that this comment also came from people that are my subordinates. I am technically higher than them in the chain of command, just newer, and I feel so disrespected!

So, do you think I over reacted to that comment?

I take nortriptyline daily for the CVS. My husband and I want to become pregnant. I know what a huge deal this is and we have been talking and discussing with docs for a while now. I was taking Lamictal for bipolar but have weaned off that med to prepare for pregnancy. I won't come off the nortrip though for fear of the episodes coming back full force. GYN says its ok, risk vs benefit, and I just take tons of folic acid. I also have Klonopin to help with anxiety but I try to not take them bc I refuse to take one in pregnancy and I want to wean from that too.
So yes, I'm sure this is contributing to my hard time, but we have tried to hard and for so long to get to this point that I don't want to give up or backtrack...

Oh, and as far as a cause for CVS... we don't know. As a result, we don't know how to cure, or even effectively treat it, although recent research is truly insightful. It is neurologic in nature rather than an issue with the GI tract. There is speculation that there is disease in the mitochondria of cells of people with this disorder, which would affect metabolism among other, deeper functions. It is also known sometimes as an abdominal migraine and is associated genetically with migraines. There is a genetic component for sure. I also have dysautonomia, which is a fancy way of saying my nervous system is messed up and goes haywire sometimes.

[lynn P.]

I agree that comment was inconsiderate, so I don't think you're over reacting. They obviously don't understand and you shouldn't have to validate in detail your reason for taking off work. When I had the bad anxiety, sometimes it would make me nausiated. This tip may be small, but there's an acupressure point right on your inner wrist, that's good for nausea - they even have these acupressure wrist bands for pregnant women who don't want to take morning sickness meds. You can press on your inner wrists with your thumb. Good luck with getting pregnant.