[vintageromance]

I have very bad anxiety when it comes to things like car accidents. It's so hard to control my anxiety when a loved one goes somewhere. Sometimes I beg them not to leave at all. People keep telling me I'm being irrational, but sometimes I honestly don't know if I am or not. I think I just need to keep hearing, "You're being irrational," and "Car accidents are very unlikely."

I'd really appreciate it if you guys provide me with a few positive things that will help me to combat this phobia of mine. Anything at all would really help me out a lot. I'm sick of letting this fear control my life, as well as my loved ones lives.

[BatsAndButterflies]

Do you know of any particular reason for this fear?

You can use all the times a family member or friend has gone on a trip and come back just fine as a reason not to worry.

[SoupDragon]

There are some things that may be triggering, but I have tried to keep as much of the detail out as possible.

Hi. About 10 years ago my now ex husband and I were standing on a beach in the Gambia and although red flags were flying, he decided to just go for a shallow paddle -as we were due to leave that day and he wanted to feel the water before we went. I won't go into lots of details here, but in summary he got dragged out to sea by the waves and it could not have been anything other than a miracle that he survived.

For a long time afterwards I couldn't go near the sea and my ex couldn't go swimming anywhere. But bit by bit we challenged our anxieties, first in a shallow pool, then on a shallow beach etc, etc,

I still have some difficulties and the only way I can continue to deal with it and function without stopping my kids enjoy the sea is to have certain safety things in place, won't let my kids go near the sea unless the tide is coming in and am making sure they have swimming lessons. I also have to accept that the anxieties are my problem, not theirs and I try to balance between ensuring they are aware of the dangers, but not putting my excessive unrealistic anxieties onto them.

It is not easy. I am learning relaxation / mindfulness techniques to manage my anxiety and the strategies I use are a mixture of the breathing, but also some mental reality checks - i.e. it is as safe as I can make it, yes accidents can happen but the chances are low. Distraction can work for me too.

Without doubt I don't think I could be where I am now with it, without T - I am not sure whether you have one, but I think unless we learn to control our anxieties, they can spiral out of control and get worse, especially the phobic ones and ultimately can impact on people around us.

Good luck with this, anxiety is such a horible thing to experience, but I do think it can be managed with help and time. SD

[vintageromance]

Originally Posted by BatsAndButterflies

Do you know of any particular reason for this fear?

You can use all the times a family member or friend has gone on a trip and come back just fine as a reason not to worry.

I'm not sure how this fear came about. My parents were overly safety-conscious and paranoid my whole life which I think did a number on me. I also have an insecure attachment issue so I'm constantly worried about losing loved ones for whatever reason.

I've been trying to remind myself of that when I'm anxious and it seems to work a little but my body still reacts to the anxious a lot (rapid heartbeat, nausea, etc.) which in turn makes me even more anxious. I'll definitely keep trying to remember what you said though. Thank you.

Originally Posted by SoupDragon

There are some things that may be triggering, but I have tried to keep as much of the detail out as possible.

Hi. About 10 years ago my now ex husband and I were standing on a beach in the Gambia and although red flags were flying, he decided to just go for a shallow paddle -as we were due to leave that day and he wanted to feel the water before we went. I won't go into lots of details here, but in summary he got dragged out to sea by the waves and it could not have been anything other than a miracle that he survived.

For a long time afterwards I couldn't go near the sea and my ex couldn't go swimming anywhere. But bit by bit we challenged our anxieties, first in a shallow pool, then on a shallow beach etc, etc,

I still have some difficulties and the only way I can continue to deal with it and function without stopping my kids enjoy the sea is to have certain safety things in place, won't let my kids go near the sea unless the tide is coming in and am making sure they have swimming lessons. I also have to accept that the anxieties are my problem, not theirs and I try to balance between ensuring they are aware of the dangers, but not putting my excessive unrealistic anxieties onto them.

It is not easy. I am learning relaxation / mindfulness techniques to manage my anxiety and the strategies I use are a mixture of the breathing, but also some mental reality checks - i.e. it is as safe as I can make it, yes accidents can happen but the chances are low. Distraction can work for me too.

Without doubt I don't think I could be where I am now with it, without T - I am not sure whether you have one, but I think unless we learn to control our anxieties, they can spiral out of control and get worse, especially the phobic ones and ultimately can impact on people around us.

Good luck with this, anxiety is such a horible thing to experience, but I do think it can be managed with help and time. SD

Thank you for sharing your story. It was nice to hear that someone else has been experiencing something similar to my own anxiety. I'll definitely try to practice relaxation/mindfulness techniques more often.

The thing that has helped me the most so far is getting on a low dose anti-anxiety medication. I'm also seeing someone, but the process is very slow and hasn't help that much yet. It takes time though, I suppose.

[Perna]

How is it you are sitting around paying that much attention to the comings and goings of others? I would distract myself better! I would go out before my loved ones are expected to (over to a friend's or other relative's for the night, for example) or otherwise be doing other things. Being with other people helps me most when I'm that anxious about something.

[vintageromance]

Originally Posted by Perna

How is it you are sitting around paying that much attention to the comings and goings of others? I would distract myself better! I would go out before my loved ones are expected to (over to a friend's or other relative's for the night, for example) or otherwise be doing other things. Being with other people helps me most when I'm that anxious about something.

I'm not able to leave the house very much at the moment, so it's hard for me to go places. If that wasn't a problem, I think that'd be a really good idea. During these stressful times, I always feel the need to go to a book store or a shopping mall just to be around other people. I do try to distract myself as much as possible at home though, but some days it's just harder than others because my thoughts are so intrusive and obsessive.

I do have one thing to say about leaving the house though when a loved one is planning on going out. I'm not sure what it is, but I feel afraid to leave the house or do certain things while they're gone. I feel like if I leave or do something, I will trigger something bad to happen. That's one of the reasons why I try not to go anywhere until they come home.