Suffering Introvert

I'm a 54yo male, married with 3 kids, all of which are young adults.

I have always been on the quiet side but as I have gotten older, I have becme more introverted. I have always considered myself an introvert but I feel I am more introverted then ever before. Social interaction drains me. Whereas an extrovert gains energy thru social interaction, my energy get's quickly depleted. As such, I dread going to any kind of party or gathering that involves anyone outside of my immediate family. I can tolerate a family gathering more so then some other gathering but still I am limited. I seem to hit a wall around the 2 hour mark. At that point, I"m emotinally drained. I lose all interest in communication with others. The minutes seem to pass by like hours. And I find myself counting the minutes to when I can leave. I start counting the minutes the second I head towards the event I am attending. I do not like small talk. I need conversation that is intelligent to a degree and stimulating. If that isn't the case, I lose all interest and tune out. I avoid talkative people like the plague. And any event I am attending, I"m the guy watching from the sidelines. I dont' like attention drawn to me and I"m definitely not the center of attention. I"m especially uncomfortable around figures of authority. Maybe I subconsciously think I don't measure up to them. Not really sure. My greatest fear in life is Public Speaking. Ugh! I cannot emphasize enough how much I hate it and avoid it at all costs. I often think about how I would like for my life to be at this moment. I feel I would be happy if I was left alone (except for interactions with my kids). I have no interest in going out on weekends. I prefer to stay at home and read. I take long hot baths where I may read for up to 2 or 3 hours. It's like my sanctuary. There is no one there to bother me or place demands on me. I wont' answer the phone at home unless its one of my kids or wife. Other than that, I won't answer the phone. I get dozens of phonecalls at work each day and therefore I absolutely hate answering and talking on the phone. If I do have to talk on the phone it is short and to the point. But the bath tub is my place of refuge. I feel safe there and can tune out for a couple hours, the stresses of my life. My wife needs to associate with others and every weekend I feel pressured to do something to meet her needs. But I hate ever second of it. I know if we are meeting some of her friends somewheres that I will hate every second of it. I count down the minutes in my head to when we can leave. I have to put on a false smile and pretend I"m having a good time. It's physically and mentally exhausting. After I hit that two hour mark, I start getting crabby and ornary. Anger builds up inside me and I have to fight that to keep from saying something or doing something I might regret. Bottom line, I'm introverted. I enjoy being alone. I long to be alone and I firmly believe I could be happy and live an enjoyable life if I kept to myself.
I know this isnt' healthy, especially for someone who battles depression on occasion as I do, but being alone I feel safe and content.

I don't know what my question is after all of this. I guess I'm just venting at this point. Wishing i was alone in a quiet safe relaxing environment.

Anyone else like this?

I could get like that if I found myself stuck someplace I didn't want to be for a couple of hours. I mostly deal with it in two ways: by finding someone or something in the situation to interest me after all, or by arranging to be elsewhere.

Whenever I've had to stay in a situation I didn't enjoy and hide that I didn't want to be there, that's usually become a serious problem for me before long.

Why can't you relax at home alone when you want to while your wife goes out and socializes? Or maybe you could go with her for an hour then go home before she does.

I'm introverted also and I don't think there is necessarily anything wrong with that. Having plenty of alone time has never made me depressed, when I did experience depression there were other issues. And if I don't get enough alone wind down time I get extra exhausted.

Are you being told that something is wrong with you? Are you putting yourself down for being introverted?

What has helped you the most when you have experienced depression in the past?

When you have to be at these events is there some reason you can't go off by yourself every half hour or so for some fresh air - and a couple minutes by yourself? It is much more difficult to bounce back after you are already feeling tired and drained, but if you can do something to prevent reaching that point it is much easier to feel better.

And I do agree with you. Being alone is nice. I also remember there were times in my life when I felt like I was too alone, though, and I didn't have a choice in the matter of being alone. It can be as painful as not being able to go off by myself and relax. What I'm trying to say is that I think part of it is being stuck in a situation where the choice has been taken away.

I can relate to what you described. If you are happy with the ways things are and it isn't putting a strain on your relationships then there doesn't sound like there is anything wrong it.

My wife can go out anytime she wants. But she doesn't that often. She always wants me to go with her. And sometimes, a couple has to be at a function as a couple. I've asked her at times to just compromise with me in terms of how long she wants to stay at an event. I hit the wall about 2 hours in and can suffer the 3rd hour but she often wants to stay longer. I thought a compromise was meeting in the middle. I don't want to go to most events. She does. OK so how about we go for a couple hours? But she feels that we should be able to stay much longer. And we aren't taking separate cars UNLESS the event is very close by. So when I hit my wall, my patience shortens, I get angry inside and I shutdown. I can do a couple hours but that's it. Since I don't want to be at the event anyways, 2 to 3 hours in my eyes is sufficient.

I think I feel that being introverted in some ways is a handicap in today's society. To a point! Let's face it, today's society is structured more for the extrovert then the introvert. Music, media, nightclubs, events, etc. Those kinds of things exhaust me. I see the extrovert laughing, smiling, having a great time. I watch from the sidelines and wonder what that feels like.

I do try to "escape" when I can. But it's not always that easy. In a house with alot of people attending a party, I can only go to the bathroom to so many times to regroup before people start thinking I have a problem. I actually became addicted to prescription drugs because they gave me that sense of euphoria and made me more extroverted. I laughed, joined in conversation, had a great time. But I paid the price thru addiction. I could never reach that level of joy or comfort without the pills. It just doesn't happen for me. But there's always the bad with the good. So I don't take prescription drugs anymore but I have to admit, I do miss it at times. I forget what it's like to enjoy the company of others and too laugh and joke like others do. And I often wonder what my life would be like if my wife was introverted.

yes I am an introvert too and have also found the confidence to speak my truth, so if my husband who is an extrovert suggests something and I do not wish to take part, I say "you go I'm ok doing my own thing". Trying to be someone we think is more acceptable to others is what creates the inner suffering I feel.

I feel like I am an extrovert trapped inside an introvert's body. I love people, but I just plain don't know how to connect effectively or know the "rules" in socialization. I feel like I can relate if I am dealing with a topic I can relate to or something I know about *in a smaller group or one on one*, but put me in a large group or talking about something over my head or not relating to me and I am LOST.

I find when I go out someplace, I have to ask someone, "How long is it? If it's more than 2 hours, I need to leave early."

I don't think there is anything wrong with being introverted, in my life, except that it can get lonely and awkward.

And I do dislike it very much when ppl say to me, "Billi, you need to get out more."!

Billi