[jlock4507]

I didn't have the best childhood. My mom was mean, emotionally, and physically abusive of me, and she was an alcoholic. I didn't really ever have a relationship with her until I was grown and out of her house. I was scared to even talk to her growing up. My dad was there, but only sometimes, my parents were divorced, and I only saw my dad every other weekend. He had his own new family. He remarried and his new wife treated me like I was a piece of scum. I heard her talking to my dad about me saying that I was going to grow up to be a slut like my mom. She thought I was asleep, but I always heard everything. when she looked at me you could see how little she thought of me with the dirty looks she gave me. I was 7. I hated going over there, and as often as I could, I would try to get out of it. I ran away from home the first time when I was 12.
when I was 7 my mom started taking care of her boyfriend's nephew who was mentally slow, because when he was 3 he was kicked in the head by a horse. Things were fine for a while, he was nice, we got along. He was 16. After a while, he started asking me if I knew what sex was, and had me look at these pornographic books. Next thing I know he had me in the closet, and was trying to do disgusting things with me. I didn't know any better at first. This went on for a while, then one night my mom caught him in the act. She didn't get mad at him, she screamed at me, and called me a dirty little slut. Her and the boy's father talked, and she said she wouldn't press charges. From then on out, everytime I would get in trouble with her, she would say, "Do you want me to tell everyone that you were having sex when you were 8 years old, and are a little slut." I repressed those memories the best that I could, and never told anyone. I was molested again by a cousin a couple years later.
My teen years were troubling, I started hanging out with the wrong crowd, started smoking, drinking, and doing drugs. It was a downward spiral from there. I was very depressed, and whenever I told anyone I needed to go see someone about it they just said to me "what do you have to be depressed about !?" My grades started slipping from me being an honor student, and I almost didn't graduate. I started cutting myself, and once I got on meds for depression, I abused them. I took 5 or 6 Xanax at a time, or one every hour, until I could barely function, and passed out. A couple times I almost od'ed.
My senior year I met my husband. It was amazing, I quit doing everything bad, and only had a couple slip ups with pot. Next thing I knew we were married and had a baby, and he went off to the Army. we have had a pretty rocky relationship, but we make it through. we love eachother. I will explain the rest another time. For now, this is my story. I have never told anyone before. I am super anxious now that I got it out there. Please respond.

[Visioneer]

The survivors of abuse forum might be a more appropriate place to talk about some of these things, there are people there who understand what you've been through. It's good to give a bit of warning, as well, if you need to talk about things that could be disturbing, we do that for each other here. I understand how badly you need to get this off your chest, and I know it's a relief to be able to do that with people who get where you're coming from. You have had some pretty bad things happen to you from a young age. Psych Central is a good place to talk about all of these things. The best thing you could do is get yourself into some counseling or therapy and talk about this stuff with someone who can give you a professional opinion and some coping skills to deal with your past and the present. A therapist can ask questions and make you see things in a way you haven't before. There are a lot of people here who have done that for me as well. It seems like you're pretty happy in your relationship despite the hard times, so that's a positive thing. But the wounds from that type of treatment don't just go away, obviously, and you have a lot of healing to do. Welcome to Psych Central, jlock

[jlock4507]

Thank you, and sorry for the triggering post, I didn't know about the other group. I will post it there.

[Phoboxyl]

Some people seem to have all the bad luck when it comes to life and others seem to just get all the good stuff. I'm so sorry that stuff happened to you as a child, but at least you can move on now one step at a time, and were all here to help. Your story is amazing because you turned out so well! You're obviously very intelligent and courageous to maintain your grades like that and get into a real relationship. Best wishes.