[Estee1]

I am not feeling good. My eating problems are worse than ever this week and I'm going to stay with my sister for 7 days. I have no appetite at all and can't be bothered eating. Just trying to decide what to eat is a major decision and one that I would just rather not think about. So rather than make a decision, I don't eat. today my mum was asking me what did i want to eat when i went to the shops with her. It was too hard for me to decide so I just told her i didn't want anything and I didn't feel like it. The thought of food makes me feel sick today. I do eat a bit though. I had breakfast. I'm wondering how I will handle this week away. I have never been away for this long before. Probably doesn't seem like long for some of you, but for me, it's a huge thing. I'm wondering how I will handle being around people for a week. I live on my own and I need alot of time to think. I'm not sure how it will be. I hope that too much isn't expected of me while I am there. I can barely even look after myself and do everyday things that other people just do with no trouble at all. I wish I didn't have to go. I want to see my sister but I'm scared about what it's going to be like and if she will get sick of me. i also worry so much about what I do with my time. I feel all the time as though my life is slipping away. Alot of things that I do make me feel guilty.

You can do this! It must feel like a big moutain for you now, but you can climb this mountain and get to the other side! You´re such a sweet person and I´m sure that your sister long for you! She´s gonna love having you there!
If you need some time alone, just tell her that and be by yourself to think for a while. She will understand.
As for your eating... I know that you´re having a hard time eating, but my dear friend I and everyone else here loves you and don´t want you to disappear! Try to see food as a friend, a friend that makes you live and that makes it able for you to use your wonderful voice singing! You love to sing, right?! Food gives you energy to fight the OCD! You´re such a good fighter, but let the food help you gain even more power! Buy the food you like and eat slowly, feel how it´s doing good for you, my dear friend.

I have faith in you!
Let´s fight the OCD together!

Hugs
Nina

[Beautiful_Pain]

I also believe you can do this, estee =) I agree that your sister will most likely be understanding if you need time alone. I'm glad you are able to at least eat a bit when you are feeling so stressed, that's wonderful. Take care of yourself on your trip and try to enjoy as much time as you can! Let us know how it went =)

[Estee1]

Lol. Ninni I love the bit about food being my friend. Here I am in the middle of the night. I was eating cheerios before and looking at them thinking about how you said they were my friends. Ha ha. Man it was so funny. I felt like a loony. He he he.
Thanks believing in me beautiful pain. You see more fight in me than I could ever see. Ah, I'm dreading going away. Can't I just stay here? It's only a week, my life won't be over in a week.
I have to do my homework also. It's due in 5 days after I get back. I get so distracted. Studying is so very hard.
Thanks for your thoughts Ninni and BP.
I never saw this smiley before, it's so funny. I was actually looking for some hugs to send.

((((((((((((((((BP/Ninni)))))))))))))))))

[backandforth]

maybe you could bring some of the hmwk along so that you're not obligated to spend the entire week constantly socializing, doing things etc... and if it's due soon after then it's a good enough excuse to get away for a bit. hopefully it'll be nice to spend time w/ family, espec. if you havent' seen your sister for a while (am not sure)... speaking from my sister and I, I can spend a ton of time w/ her but eventually even we need a break, so I'm sure your sister will understand too. hopefully it'll all go well....

re: the food issues, can you think of anything that sounds appealing right now? go get it!!! maybe something w/ a particular flavour, or just a bunch of fruit and veggies, maybe a nice grilled sandwich, pasta... dunno, I'm just randomly listing things I can think of, lol. maybe go out for dinner w/ your sister for one night so you're kind of forced to order something. do you eat better when surrounded by people? then maybe this week will actually give you a break.. either way, you need the energy from food to keep you going but try not to focus on it 24/7.... it'll just make things worse.

[Estee1]

I survived! I had some fun while I was on holidays. It was very nice to see my family. but I was absolutely dying to get home. It was very hard being there with other people when I wasn't feeling good but I made it. I cried when I got home.
I had this horrible idea the day before I was to leave that I wasn't going to get home and that something bad was going to happen when I was on the plane. It was scary and it felt like it really was going to happen.

Jippie!!!! You made it, my dear friend! You´ve got so much power inside yourself! Be proud of yourself now!
But there´s no place like home!

[Estee1]

THANKS Ninni. I am glad it's over. Maybe next time I won't go away for as long. Lol