[jam6221029]

Sometimes, usually at night, I start feeling really tense and scared. I start to cry and I feel like someone's going to attack me. Last night, I cried to the point I had to hold back screaming. I would pull at my hair and hold on to the headboard to avoid hitting myself. I started to choke and every part of me had to keep myself from finding something to hurt myself with. Usually, this happens when I have nightmares or I think about some abuse that happened when I was 12. But last night, that did not even cross my mind. I don't really understand how I went from being happy a few hours before to trying to make myself feel like everything was real.

[SophiaG]

So you kind of had a derealization moment? Dissociated, and it sounds like you had a panic attack?

Someone gave me this; it might help you.

1. Remember, feelings of panic are just exaggerations of normal bodily stress reactions.
2. Sensations are neither harmful nor dangerous - just unpleasant. Nothing worse will happen.
3. Anxiety is temporary. Instead of fighting it, relax into it. Just let it be.*
4. Focus on facing the fear rather than trying to avoid it or escape from it.
5. Stop adding to the panic with frightening thoughts of where panic will lead.
6. Stay in the present. Be aware of what is happening to you rather than concern yourself with how much worse it might get.
7. Notice that when you stop adding to the panic with frightening thoughts, the fear begins to fade.
8. Wait and give the fear time to pass.
9. Look around you. Plan what you will do next as the panic subsides.
10. When you are ready to go on, do so in an easy, relaxed manner. There is no need to hurry.
11. Think about the progress made so far, despite all the difficulties.
*Breathe

[odoyle]

If you are a victim of past abuse then there is a good chance you are dealing with PTSD. What you are describing sounds like more than a panic attack. I am very concerned for you.

How long have these episodes been going on for, and have you ever talked to a doctor about them? No one here can diagnose you, or tell you with any degree of certainty what you are suffering from. Only a medical professional can do that.

This isn't something that is going to go away on its own. Please take care of yourself.