[Clare76]

Do you do this too?

A few months ago I was invited to a womens social dinner.
A few months ago I said "Yes sounds great".
No it dosent, it sounds horrid!
Why did I do that?!

So now that day has arrived and there is nothing that I can think of that motivates me to go. Of course it would mean a success.

But i do not want to be there, period.
My anxiety about this has been building all week and I didnt get out of bed till 2pm, trying to pretend it would go away
My desire to self harm has rocketed too.

Is it really worth pushing myself like this?

Any advice/tips/solutions/excuses lol would be so much appreciated.

Clare x

[DelusionsDaily]

I have always heard it is better to push yourself through the things that cause anxiety because over time doing so reduce your anxiety. Dont know how true that is that is just what I have heard.

[ECHOES]

Perhaps when you were invited, you felt good to be thought of, to be included, to receive an invitation that says "We want you." That does sound great.

Now as the reality of the event approaches, you are feeling frightened about being there. Something about being there doesn't feel so good. What are your thoughts at the time you feel not good about it now? Is it that it is unknown? That something unknown might be expected of you? That you will be judged?
Sometimes if I can identify the specific thing (or things) that are triggering me, then I can think about them and see if my fears are reasonable or if I am scaring myself with my thoughts.

[alwaysrejoice]

I have done it. It like at the time you feel like you can do it, and you WANT to be able to do it, but when it come to that day you flip out. I would suggest going and see how you do. It is most likely not as bad as you think it'll be.

[kaliope]

My T says, and sorry i cant remember it all to explain it, but it is the transitions that are hard, the time, space going from one activity to another that we are anxious about, but once we make that transition we are ok. so getting yourself to the event is the anxious part would be his theory, but you would be fine once you got there.

i have always isolated out of fear and anxiety. now i am in a place where people actually invite me places and i always say no, or yes and then make excuses why i cant go. and i always regret it because i am so tired of letting anxiety run my life. im stronger than that damnit. i want to have fun, friends. i want to experience joy. why should anxiety rule? we gotta stop this beast from taking our lives away from us. go to your dinner and have a good time!

[Clare76]

Thank you for your replies.
I did go to the event, it was made easier by the host suggesting I go early and help set up. I found this really helpful as I was able to get there before anyone else, become accustomed to the surroundings, choose a seat by the exit and not have to walk in a strange environment full of strangers.
Small victory.
I did notice that I really had to fight the urge to "zone out" and stay present. I did struggle and I cant say I loved it. I was the first one there and the first one to leave, but the sky didnt fall down and it was ok Yay!
Thank you again
Clare x

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by Clare76

Thank you for your replies.
I did go to the event, it was made easier by the host suggesting I go early and help set up. I found this really helpful as I was able to get there before anyone else, become accustomed to the surroundings, choose a seat by the exit and not have to walk in a strange environment full of strangers.
Small victory.
I did notice that I really had to fight the urge to "zone out" and stay present. I did struggle and I cant say I loved it. I was the first one there and the first one to leave, but the sky didnt fall down and it was ok Yay!
Thank you again
Clare x

That's so good Clare.

Gives me hope.

I know; it always seems worse than it really is.

thanks,

Billi

[Clare76]

Thank you Billi, gives me hope too

[kaliope]

Great job Clare! You planned an excellent strategy to cope with the stress of the event for yourself. I am so proud of you!

[Perna]

I had one of those and it came out really well; met a woman who became my mentor and another who became a good friend. Too, each "success" makes the next one more likely; it's kind of a seesaw and the more pebbles you can put on the "success" side, eventually the weight tips the scale and things get easier instead of being so hard all the time. Think of the great idea you got (go early and help set up) and now that's part of your arsenal of things to help you feel better.

[Clare76]

Thank you Kaliope and Perna.
Its great to celebrate the victories and learn from them together.
Clare x