[clouds_and_sun]

....to have a hard time keeping friends? I know that making friends is hard enough for me (I have social phobia), but what about the keeping the very little I make, is it common to lose the very little friends that I make online? I ask this cause keeping my online friends is VERY HARD for me. PLEASE be kind in your answers, this topic has really depressed me so badly. Thank you.

[pgrundy]

It's hard for anyone to hang onto online friends, even if they don't have social anxiety. Don't take it personally. It definitely is NOT you!

Sometimes it helps to find a group of some kind, like, a live people group. It doesn't have to be therapy, it could be a knitting class, anything.

Hang in there! I'm sure you are fine, just anxious. Making and keeping friends is hard for everyone in this fast paced world.

[Pikku Myy]

Understand... I have always needed only very few friends... but these are TRUE friends forever... Online friends like the technology... come by and go away sometimes very quickly Just keep trying and doing what you do the best...

[clouds_and_sun]

Originally Posted by pgrundy

It's hard for anyone to hang onto online friends, even if they don't have social anxiety. Don't take it personally. It definitely is NOT you!

Sometimes it helps to find a group of some kind, like, a live people group. It doesn't have to be therapy, it could be a knitting class, anything.

Hang in there! I'm sure you are fine, just anxious. Making and keeping friends is hard for everyone in this fast paced world.

Thank you! It is ironic that you say take a knitting class cause I have been realling wanting to learn how to crochet and knit. See I have this sweater that I JUST LOVE it (I bought it at Khols) and it is crocheted and I want to learn how to make one for myself. Thank you for your advice.

Originally Posted by karoliinareddish

Understand... I have always needed only very few friends... but these are TRUE friends forever... Online friends like the technology... come by and go away sometimes very quickly Just keep trying and doing what you do the best...

very true and thank you as well

[dusty9838]

Originally Posted by clouds_and_sun

Thank you! It is ironic that you say take a knitting class cause I have been realling wanting to learn how to crochet and knit. See I have this sweater that I JUST LOVE it (I bought it at Khols) and it is crocheted and I want to learn how to make one for myself. Thank you for your advice.

very true and thank you as well

hey clouds_and_sun,

I think that is a great idea. Finding a knitting/crochet class. I personally am signing up for a kickboxing/martial arts class this week and it consists of guys my age... I am VERY nervous as I start tomorrow but I think it'll be easier than I let on in my mind. I mean what's the worst thingi that could happen? I just don't like it and back out to feel safe again... at least I will be trying and giving it a shot and who knows what will come of it. I think the same thing can be applied to you and your interests... I hope things work out great for you. You deserve to be happy and to have friends that care for you. Take care

[Severijn]

Yes it is. I think it's one of those things that stand out in social anxiety. But social anxiety sufferers can have friends. I had a lot of friends when I had SAD, for some reason. (probably because I was a little crazy, wild, rebellious).

I hope you don't internalize your social anxiety. Social anxiety is something you can overcome, step by step. You might not be able to make and keep friends at the moment, but it's definitely possible in the future.

Setting small social goals is the key. Especially beginning with making eye-contact and smiling more are the best way to begin. Later you can add more advanced skills.

Just in case you haven't found any good social anxiety books yet, on amazon you can find quite many good book. Here's a link: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_no...rkbook&x=0&y=0

Take care and I hope you beat your sad!

[Rosie23]

I understand about having trouble making friends. If someone I know asks me to come to a party or to lunch I will go most of the time but I cannot do the same in return and I never invite people to my house. Those things cause all kinds of panic and anxiety. But oddly, if you just show up at my house I don't have a problem with that. And it doesn't matter if it is family or friends. Most people get offended at these things and so in the end I end up loosing the friend because I cannot reciprocate. Everyone thinks I like being alone when really I hate it and am very lonely.

[clouds_and_sun]

Originally Posted by Rosie23

I understand about having trouble making friends. If someone I know asks me to come to a party or to lunch I will go most of the time but I cannot do the same in return and I never invite people to my house. Those things cause all kinds of panic and anxiety. But oddly, if you just show up at my house I don't have a problem with that. And it doesn't matter if it is family or friends. Most people get offended at these things and so in the end I end up loosing the friend because I cannot reciprocate. Everyone thinks I like being alone when really I hate it and am very lonely.

Thanks to everyone. This is how I am too. I mean if I go somewhere I have to be with my only offline friend then it makes it easier for me to be at ease with those people. Crochet class, for me, is the best way of joining a group cause it is not really social (well in my mind) it is a class and I will be learning from it.
I hope all goes well for you dusty.
Thank you for the book, I didn't even know they had such on this topic. I will go to my local bookstore and check that out.

[with or without you]

yes, it is common. I have SA too. I love being alone more than most people but sometimes the loneliness just gets to me, as it would for anyone else. And I have some online friends too but I find that sort of relationship to be unfulfilling.

[doglover5]

clouds_and_sun and Rosie23- I am much like both of you in my social phobia also! If I submit myself to any social situations where I will have to talk to people face to face (which I usually avoid at all costs), i MUST have my "person" with me for comfort. No close person = no go! I don't initiate plans or invite people to my house either- harder to get out of those when I change my mind! Friendships are also very hard to keep for me. I have two close friends who understand the way I operate. They take up the slack and don't take anything I do personally, and that is the only reason I've been able to stay friends with them! Others don't understand my frequently not answering or returning their calls or texts; or why I always avoid doing social things with them. (Like saying i'll come (terrible people pleaser), then all of a sudden having a reason I can't at the last minute) Which of course just causes them to stop calling & inviting.

I dislike actually being alone too, but I really hate having to talk to people when they're around! "Um yes, I would really like to spend some time with you in person, but please don't talk to me unless I talk to you." Ha! Sometimes all I can do to cope is force myself to laugh at all the things that go through my head!

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I have started doing the Internet back in 2005 because I had agoraphobia and it IS harder to keep online buddies; often they disappear on us.

It can be bewildering and even hurtful. I remember making my first friend on yahoo and I would chat with her---one moment we are talking about something very deep, then the next, she doesnt talk to me for 10 minutes and I don't know if she is laughing at me or what. I finally stopped talking to her and blocked her. I did email her and ask her what was up, and she goes, "Oh, Billi, I was chatting on facebook." I thought, if she's doing that, she could have said, "Billi, I have go now. see you in 10 minutes?"

But everybody's different; different expectations and the Internet is kind of weird that way. Lots of misunderstandings.

Billi