[ladyjane4rent]

I had an attack last night, my bf and I have been fighting quite a bit in the last few days and after 7 years I am just realizing a few things about him. That is besides the point though, I think. I was triggered while we were actually sitting and having a few drinks and listening to music.. I think it was the conversation or the fact that I am hiding behind a wall because I am still upset at him for whatever the problem was. I felt it slowly starting to creep up on me when I couldn't keep my leg still and then I couldn't keep still. I can't have another attack, so I thought I would try my hardest to fight it. I've never fought one off before, I usually succumb to them.

I ran to the bedroom and paced around trying my hardest.. but I feel like my mind goes blank - or dark. I couldn't sit, I couldn't stand, I couldn't lay down, I couldn't breathe. Finally I decided to throw myself into bed and get under the covers. I felt a little safety there until HE came in. He tries pulling the covers off me and tried 'helping' me but he has no ****ing clue what happens, what it feels like and how I feel like I have no control over myself.

He thinks he can 'fix' me. He thinks he is the answer but he refuses to listen to me and refuses to read about the condition and what happens psychologically or chemically in the brain. [He doesn't want to hear what the experts say about it and he doesn't want me to share other people's stories about it.] So he tried pinning me down and I was still fighting it off, I couldn't lose control because if I lose control then I start shaking. The shaking is the worse part. He kept pushing and pushing for me to tell him what was going through my head and what caused it and looking for answers. I told me he was making me feel worse but he wouldn't leave me alone. That attack lasted 40 minutes.

[OrangeMoira]

Aww, hon. That sounds awful. I'm so sorry. I hope you're feeling better.

It sounds like you know a lot about the condition. Is there a reason why you feel like you "can't have another attack?" Is it just so painful that you hate having it happen? Some things I've read say that trying to fight it off, or having thoughts about not being able to stand it, are things that make it worse. My anxiety attacks happen for different reasons, so I'm not sure if that's helpful for you in your situation. I hope you have a therapist or someone you can talk to about techniques for working through it.

Most men understand the concept of taking time to cool off. They are more prone than women to having their thoughts shut down or flooded by strong emotions. If someone bothers them during this time, they get more and more upset. If they are left alone, they cool off and then later they can discuss what happened (if they decide to).

If you explain in those terms, maybe he can understand that during an attack you are not able to figure out exactly what is happening or what triggered it. The emotions just drown things out.

I have a system where I can hang a red tag on the bedroom door if I'm at an emotional extreme, and my husband knows that at those times I am completely off limits. After a few times of having him respect my boundaries, now I barely ever have to withdraw that way; when I do, it is only for a short time, and then I can come out and talk to him. I always hold up my end of the bargain by discussing the situation afterwards. If he keeps at me when I'm in certain emotional states, I completely flip out and we get nowhere.

It sounds like your bf's behavior (pinning you down, refusing your requests to be alone, demanding answers while you are suffering) is justifiably setting off some red flags for you. If he is otherwise a non-violent person and you have a good relationship, I hope you can communicate that those actions are not acceptable to you and that they are not helping the situation.

Maybe he'll never want to learn the science behind the condition; some people are that way. It's frustrating when your partner doesn't really understand, but it doesn't mean he doesn't care. But your bf must hear you when you say no, stop, and leave me alone. He doesn't have a right to pin you down, even if he thinks he is helping.

I'm sorry if I'm misunderstanding your post and he was not really doing anything physical; the description sounds really scary. Again, I hope you're feeling better today and you were able to figure out what upset you in the first place. Safe hugs to you.