[west93]

Hello. I feel terrible, all the time. It feels like I am walking around in a dream all the time. I can't shake it off. After several years of these symptoms gradually increasing, I finally saw a psychotherapist about a year ago. I've been seeing him as well as a psychiatrist for the past year. I haven't really improved, and I can't explain how I feel. I'm just out of it, all the time. It's almost impossible to have conversations with even the people I am closest to because it feels strange. Something is off. I can't hold eye contact with myself in a mirror because I get a really weird feeling when I try to. I have fleeting moments where I will feel at peace, or a little more "normal." But they don't last long at all. My psychotherapist and psychiatrist have both told me several times that I am absolutely not going crazy, but I can't help but think I am sometimes. I was convinced I was becoming schizophrenic at this point last year. Absolutely convinced. They have relieved some of my anxiety in that area, but sometimes I still feel like I am going to lose it one day. Not "do" anything crazy, I just feel like I will lose my mind and not be able to function anymore.

I don't feel in control. I feel a little numb to emotions and it has killed my relationships with people. I feel like I need a break from life, but I don't have time for that. I don't know what to do. I can't concentrate on anything. For example I'm in college, and right now I'm trying to study for final exams but I can't focus on it at all.

I would appreciate any advice or suggestions. Thanks.

[Travelinglady]

Hi! It's hard to say what might be going on with you. Have you specifically told your doctors what you told us?

[suzgleason]

Hi - I'm wondering if your symptoms are more physiological than psychological.
But until you find out have you thought about a low dose of Ativan when it gets bad enough?

Originally Posted by west93

Hello. I feel terrible, all the time. It feels like I am walking around in a dream all the time. I can't shake it off. After several years of these symptoms gradually increasing, I finally saw a psychotherapist about a year ago. I've been seeing him as well as a psychiatrist for the past year. I haven't really improved, and I can't explain how I feel. I'm just out of it, all the time. It's almost impossible to have conversations with even the people I am closest to because it feels strange. Something is off. I can't hold eye contact with myself in a mirror because I get a really weird feeling when I try to. I have fleeting moments where I will feel at peace, or a little more "normal." But they don't last long at all. My psychotherapist and psychiatrist have both told me several times that I am absolutely not going crazy, but I can't help but think I am sometimes. I was convinced I was becoming schizophrenic at this point last year. Absolutely convinced. They have relieved some of my anxiety in that area, but sometimes I still feel like I am going to lose it one day. Not "do" anything crazy, I just feel like I will lose my mind and not be able to function anymore.

I don't feel in control. I feel a little numb to emotions and it has killed my relationships with people. I feel like I need a break from life, but I don't have time for that. I don't know what to do. I can't concentrate on anything. For example I'm in college, and right now I'm trying to study for final exams but I can't focus on it at all.

I would appreciate any advice or suggestions. Thanks.

[Cocosurviving]

I'm sure this whole ordeal has been
stressful for you. What might help
your situation is to keep a mood/behavior
chart. It takes some getting use to but
can be an asset when trying to communicate
w/ your provider. You can Google mood charts
and download one (or make your own). A mood
chart is like a journal, you can write down behaviors
and habits that concern you. After you turn
your mood chart/journal in to your providers,
this should enable them w/ helping you.
If they're still at a loss, I would seek other
providers.

[west93]

Thanks. After reading about depersonalization disorder on my own, I talked with my psychotherapist about it. Eventually, after we talked a lot about it, he agreed that's what it is. I just get paranoid that it's going to turn into something much worse. It's bad enough as it is. My psychiatrist diagnosed me with GAD and OCD on my first visit, and since then, every other visit has been based off of that diagnosis and what medication I need. I take 1mg of Klonopin at night, 20mg of Prozac each morning, and I've recently been prescribed Ritalin as well.

I think overall I'm better than I was a year ago, but not by much at all. I still feel out of it. When I walk around where there are a bunch of people or a lot of activity going on around me, I feel really out of it, and very much like I'm in a dream. When the word "anxiety" has been used to describe what I have, I have never thought it was really the right diagnosis, because I don't feel the normal feelings that come with anxiety. But my mind is never at ease. It's never still. I over-analyze every situation, thought that comes into my head, look that someone gives me, and what someone might be thinking about me. I think it may be possible that living in a never-ending state of anxiety eventually brought on this never-ending state of depersonalization/derealization, which in turn makes me not able to recognize feelings of anxiety.

I don't know. If anybody has any thoughts I would like to hear them. On a side note, I know the Klonopin has helped me sleep at night, and relax, but I don't want to get dependent on it. It not only helps me get to sleep faster, but I think it also improves my overall sleep quality. I went without it for two nights and felt horrible those two days that followed. If anyone has any experience with this I would also like to hear about it. Thank you.

I know there is a dissociative disorder forum, but I read that and most all of the posts were about DID and alter egos, which I do not have. I posted this here because I thought it might possibly relate better to anxiety.

[delicatedoll]

I have felt like this sometimes.. it's not often but every once in awhile I would get a feeling like maybe I'm not really there and get deep thoughts about if this world is even real and if I exist or if I'm just some other person another person dreamed up.. it's weird but I have anxiety and I know that's probably what causes it.

When you said you couldn't look in the mirror that struck something with me.. I've had that feeling before too. I don't get it all the time but every once in awhile it's like I'm not actually me looking back at myself.. it's a very strange feeling and I understand why feeling that way all the time is making you so uneasy.

I hope that you can find something to relieve you from this feeling.. it must be incredibly frustrating to feel as though you are walking through the world alone and everything else is so detached. Just try to keep in mind that there are people out there who feel that way too. Life is so confusing and bittersweet and you deserve to enjoy it and feel connected.

I hope that something starts to work for you. I think you''ll be able to lift yourself out of it. You're in college so I'm assuming you're in your twenties.. I think being in your twenties is a hard time (I'm 22 and I always feel like the world is so confusing and I'm so lost in it all). I make the mistake of getting in deep conversations about "life" and" what does it really mean" and "oh I just can't get over how strange life is" in drunk social settings. Doesn't really help my cause since people just think I'm even more weird :P Maybe you are just so observant of the world around that you retreat into your own head too much and you just got stuck in there and need to be pulled back out!

[flat_line]

I can relate.

[Ipod1]

Check out some of my posts from over a year ago.. I felt like you, still do sometimes just accept your feelings and they will pass. Sounds simple right? It's not but that's all you can do.