I have no idea where to post this because it involves a ton of different things.

1. I started taking a new med for sleep that leaves me feeling very hungover. I only took half the dose last night, ended up sleeping terribly, laid in bed till almost noon, still felt hungover all day. I am trying something different tonight and want to take a bunch and just go to bed but it's too early and of course I will only take as many as prescribed.

2. I have been having suicidal ideation all day and the voice that says "You're going to have to do it someday..." is coming back again. I'm also struggling with wanting to hurt myself.

3. I went to a new practitioner who says I fall on the bipolar spectrum and this is very distressing to me for a lot of very personal reasons which I won't go into.

4. I'm already exhausted from working 60 hours last week.

5. I contacted my therapist yesterday about something that made me feel quite vulnerable and haven't heard back. I'm sure she's just out enjoying her weekend like a normal person but part of my insides are turning inside out over it.

6. I feel so anxious, I have racing thoughts, there is one line of a song running through my head over and over and over, I'm trying to just be still but I want to run but at the same time I feel exhausted from work and chronic sleep deprivation and well, anxiety. I hear chatter, like a million people at once all trying to talk to me in my head but I can't hear anything any of them are saying.

7. The meds are freaking me out; I took one a few nights ago for anxiety/sleep and it calmed me but I did not feel safe AT ALL. I felt anxious without my anxiety. I had to sleep with a knife under my pillow because I felt so panicky.

8. My husband asked to have sex today and I realized it is not a good day because I feel so anxious and triggered, so I requested that we take a rain check and plan on tomorrow instead. I can tell that he is frustrated with my symptoms today, he sighed loudly and I can tell by his body language that he is fed up.

I don't know what to do except wait for it to pass. Ideas?

[ThisWayOut]

is there anything grounding that can help with the anxiety? I know for me, taking care of my animals helps. I go into my reptile room for 3 hours and come out relaxed and a little better off... I know that's not everyone's cup of tea though. I hear you about sleep meds messing with things. I am facing a similar struggle lately. If I take a full dose, I'm hung over for well into the next day. If I take a half dose, I sleep like crap, but still get hung over at about the 10 hour mark (which is really weird because I can be awake several hours before then and function fine but crash later... the doctors look at me weird when I tell them).
I'm sorry you are struggling so much right now. Is your husband a good support? My wife gets frustrate with me, but in the end (after we talk and argue) she can help bring me around.
((hugs)) hope your T gets back to you on Monday, and you can stay safe the rest of the night.

Originally Posted by MdngtRain

is there anything grounding that can help with the anxiety? I know for me, taking care of my animals helps. I go into my reptile room for 3 hours and come out relaxed and a little better off... I know that's not everyone's cup of tea though. I hear you about sleep meds messing with things. I am facing a similar struggle lately. If I take a full dose, I'm hung over for well into the next day. If I take a half dose, I sleep like crap, but still get hung over at about the 10 hour mark (which is really weird because I can be awake several hours before then and function fine but crash later... the doctors look at me weird when I tell them).
I'm sorry you are struggling so much right now. Is your husband a good support? My wife gets frustrate with me, but in the end (after we talk and argue) she can help bring me around.
((hugs)) hope your T gets back to you on Monday, and you can stay safe the rest of the night.

I went for a walk with my husband and dog and then watched some TV shows I enjoy. I feel a little better. I'm looking forward to trying my new sleep med tonight, I hope it doesn't make me feel so groggy all day and twitchy at the same time. The fact that it was taking me about 14 hours to clear a very small dose was pretty tough...hope the new stuff works. I am feeling much more safe, the chatter in my head has slowed to a dull roar.