cried in public

I decided to to to the grocery by myself... just a couple blocks. I haven't been in the grocery alone in a long time because I have panic attacks...social anxiety.
I went with a very small list, probably $30 worth, came out with $106!! I got so flustered in there... I don't even eat a lot of what I bought. Held my tears back in the store.Packed up my little wagon and headed home...
I lost it.. I was crying while walking.. I know that people were staring at me... which made it even worse. managed to stop for a few minutes, got into my building.. and just let go in the elevator. I si'd to try to get a hold of myself
I took my klonopin before I went.. so I felt like I could do this. I was so wrong.

There can be nothing worse than ahving a social phobia.... i remember when i was ill i never would enter a canteen ora crowded place for the fear of being simply noticed and becuase every couple i saw reminded me of the one's who hurt me.....Jaded butterfly is it humiliation that you fear????becasue that happens to eb trigger for me.... smile

It's a self esteem thing, people looking ... judging me....
but the crying was embarrassing as all hell

I have that.

I've been like that. I struggle a lot with it.

*hugs*

I wouldn't let it worry me too much. I have had moments like that in public too. Yes, it is embarrassing at the time, but, these people are strangers and you are a stranger to them. They have too many of their own life issues to carry memories of you crying with them past that moment. Most people, when they see somebody crying, feel concern and sympathy and wish well for the person who is hurting or scared. Once the moment is over, and you are back home. Be proud that you did it! The event is over. You made it back. The day has continued on and nobody has made a national issue of it on CNN. I'd say you've done pretty darn good!

I just want to say that even though you feel embarrassed you should be proud of yourself for going to the store, that's a hell of a lot more than I could do at times. I used to have absolute meltdowns about ordering lunchmeat if that makes any sense. What I do if I'm feeling especially vulnerable is wear earphones and listen to a radio show or music while I'm shopping.

If you keep forcing yourself to do the things you're terrified of (like the store and people judging) it will get better. Next time instead of SIing, try dunking your face in ice cold water and holding it under for as long as you can. Sounds silly but you'd be surprised how effective it can be to switch off the bad thoughts.

For me its the dairy section... specifically OJ... so many different brands, sizes, sales freaks me out! My therapist finally said.. what one do you like...told her, she said no matter what sales are, just buy that one. I've done that the last 3 times I've bought OJ and it worked. seems simple... hate it when someone points out something simple like that.. it's like.. "how come I didn't think of that"
I did have my ipod going while I was shopping. helped me ignore the other people..that was a suggestion from my case worker to help with my counting my steps out loud when I go across the street to get my cigs. Headphones work good.

you definitely should be proud of yourself, you got out there!!

I hate going to the grocery store...and headphones do help alot. I totally think you should be proud of yourself for going!
By the way, I spent alot of my day during my last job crying at my desk (silently, the running-tears-down-face type) and I noticed that alot of people NEVER even noticed. Of course, I used my hair sometimes to block it and other times I did not care and anyone who walked by could see.
But I got along well with everyone and no one treated me as if there was something wrong with me, even the supervisors. I think a lot of people have so much going on in their own heads that they only notice so much around them, so don't feel too bad about crying and/or feeling overwhelmed. You are definitely not the only one. I agree with Nicks_Nose...was going to type more, but couldn't have said it better myself. Hugs to you.

Thank you for bringing my tears of laughter

.

People judge all the time .....thats there business..... I am not beautiful yet i hold my head high and walk as though I just won the miss universe crown (), so people end up saying I have a personality....self esteem is where you think high about yoursel...let not wht people think about you affect that....The next time you dare to venture out (and i say you should) look straight, hold your head high and don;t look around just do your owrk and get back home. Leave the thinking for later.

Its a whole big world out there.....you need to see places like my "INDIA"....s o get rid of your social anxiety and come see my world....love smile