[missyleah]

Hi there.

I just want to get some stuff out.

I have always had OCD, but last night I did some stuff which really scared me. Scared me because it makes me feel like I'm going mad.

Lately I have been very stressed for various reasons. I find everything very difficult to deal with.

For example, if I can't find something I start ranting and raving/putting myself down/self-harming/counting & arranging things a certain way.

That was bad enough. But last night, I just couldn't deal with how I felt. I cut my arms with some glass and then I drank half a bottle of brandy amongst other things.

I went and talked to someone after I did this, as I was immensely worried by what I did.

However, the worst part for me was when I went back in my flat and wrote numbers all over the wall. I have a thing about the number four and I kept writing it everywhere.

I haven't told anyone yet about this, I'm scared that whoever I do tell will think I'm crazy.

Has anyone here ever done anything like that? Any advice?

[Estee1]

Hey Missylea. The best thing to do would be to tell your pdoc or other medical professional. I have OCD and I've done some weird stuff that I never thought I would ever do. One of the things about anxiety is that you feel as though you are going to lose control or go crazy. It's really scary. But you aren't going crazy.

[missyleah]

Hi there, Estee1. Thanks for your reply. I decided to go and talk to someone about this, they didnt judge me at all.

I have to admit though, I'm not looking forward to going home and seeing my walls. Will buy some pen remover before I go home.

However, I do feel better than I have for the last few weeks. Probably because I've finally started talking about my problems.

[Mikey]

yes it´s very important to talk it all out!
you didn´t have any help before this?

[missyleah]

No, I thought I was coping well with everything. I do feel a lot better at the moment, and am going to see a counseller soon.

I'm managing to fill my time constructively, going out with friends and stuff. I'm kind of glad it happened in a way, I'm a lot less wound up than I was.

[Sarah116]

I suggest you do some exercise, strong exercise like a nice bike ride, game of tennis, run, roller blade, jumping jacks etc.
Also try not doing it then see what happens, get a drink of your favorite cola or eat a snack you really like, stay in touch on Psych Central and let us know how you are doing.

[Mikey]

Good that you got better, how are you doing now?