[Shadow13]

I am hyper aware of everything. It's exhausting, but when I let it go invariably something happens. Life right?
Lately I've noticed people(usually coworkers) coming out from offices to "check" on things when I've just had something happen, like someone being annoyed with me. I don't think I've been loud enough to cause this to happen. So it perpetuates any already there paranoia. Vicious cycle.
I cannot sleep tonight for these paranoid thoughts. I have to work at 9 and its 2:30 now. Adding to the stress.
Oh how I hate these!! I listen to meditative music/sounds. I breathe slowly/deeply. The thoughts are competing with one another.

[Grey Matter]

You're not going mad. This sounds like anxiety disorder, and I know it's torturous. Has anything happened recently that could be acting as a stresser?

[Shadow13]

I do have gad. And panic attacks. I know this yet it spirals out of control. I feel my mind trying to clamp down yet it constantly seeps thru.
A couple weeks ago I started with Adult Children of Alcoholics online. I told my T and she was pleased. Since then, because of the little tiny amount of the trauma came back to me, I haven't been able to stop it. I can't not think about it. My T has also been away for 2 weeks. And the incidences at work have truly really happened. I feel my grip weakening.

[spondiferous]

Panic attacks alone are enough to cause it. You're in a constant state of sensory arousal so it makes sense you'd be hyper-vigilant as well. And it sounds like you have triggers with the ACOA stuff. Has your T made it back yet? Have you considered getting referred to CBT and/or an anxiety disorder support group? It really does help to be around people who understand. I know for me, it takes some of the paranoia out of it because I know I'm not the only one who experiences it.
Of course you've always got us too.

[not quite right]

I often wonder where the breaking point is. It would seem reasonable to believe that someone under that level of mental pressure may eventually lose it. I hope that you are not, but, if you are I suppose I'll see you there sooner than later. Good luck in your fight for sanity. I know how hard it is.

[LadyShadow]

I hope you made it through your work day alright, because this post is a couple of days old. I know how hard it is, I had to quit my job because of my depression, so I know how hard this must be for you, Please update us and let us know how you are doing.

Gentle hugs

[Shadow13]

You are wonderful. All of you. I did have a meltdown at work this past week. I reacted to words/phrases that I may have heard one of and my mind went off and so did I. It took awhile to gather myself after, and I was mortified. My supervisor knows a little of what's going on and it's mostly ok now. I just have to hang onto myself better at work. I can't lose my job.