[Melmo]

Sometimes I have episodes where I'm trying to sleep, and I feel tired or exhausted but at the same time I'm wide awake and my mind is racing with thoughts/worries. I get irritable, I'm tossing and turning an getting angry, ill pull at my hair in frustration, (now that i think of it, i pull at my hair a lot when i am in one of these moods)I will often cry myself to sleep. Sometimes i get ao angry i punch things. On a really bad day, i threw a kitchen chair at my dishwasher, repeatedly slammed cupboard doors because I wanted to break something. is this anxiety, or part of depression? I'm on meds for both but was wondering too if anyone else experiences this. Thankfully this hasn't happene in a few weeks but it use to happen frequently for the last 2 years.

[kaliope]

I think you are certainly getting overwhelmed with your feelings and outwardly expressing that. I would definitely talk to your pdoc about what is going on and see what advice he has to offer.

[Luvmydog]

Originally Posted by JustWantToBeNormal

Sometimes I have episodes where I'm trying to sleep, and I feel tired or exhausted but at the same time I'm wide awake and my mind is racing with thoughts/worries. I get irritable, I'm tossing and turning an getting angry, ill pull at my hair in frustration, (now that i think of it, i pull at my hair a lot when i am in one of these moods)I will often cry myself to sleep. Sometimes i get ao angry i punch things. On a really bad day, i threw a kitchen chair at my dishwasher, repeatedly slammed cupboard doors because I wanted to break something. is this anxiety, or part of depression? I'm on meds for both but was wondering too if anyone else experiences this. Thankfully this hasn't happene in a few weeks but it use to happen frequently for the last 2 years.

I have done the same things. (Racing thoughts, hair pulling or other frustration based actions, and the frustration quickly turning into anger.) When I took the Sanity Score test I had 14 areas of major concern. Two of these areas were Anxiety and Depression so it may directly related to your dx. However, another area of major concern, and my dx is Borderline Personality Disorder. I am not saying that is your dx (I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on tv). I just wanted to let you know, that even though we have different dx's, you are not alone. Many of the therapy sessions that I had dealt directly with the "breaks of violence," and my inability to shut down my mind at bedtime. I'm far from my ideal, but it has gotten better. If you haven't already spoken with your therapist about this, I would suggest that you do so. There is hope; there is help.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

I do think you definitely need help - you sound a bit like me. I'd take a guess and say that lack of sleep, high anxiety, and depression will all easily attribute to those things.

Yep I have definitely experienced this (although I have not had outbursts for many many years). I assumed it was anxiety, but the negative tone of the thoughts is the depression.

Whats on your mind? What kind of thoughts? Does writing them down help at all? Lately I have been having a lot of success with postponing my worrying thoughts. It is hard work to constantly put thoughts off, as I throw one out a new one replaces it, but eventually I start to fall asleep. Sometimes I will recognise I am falling asleep as I am fighting the thoughts and naturally I relax because I know sleep is coming. These thoughts are the root of irritability and if you combat them you will combat the rest of the symptoms.

[Melmo]

Thanks for the replies everyone.
I definitely do get overwhelmed with my feelings. It used to be really bad where it would take me hours to fall asleep, or I'd wake up at 3am and wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. My mind would be going 100 miles an hour thinking about what a failure I am, ugly, fat, nobody will love me. I also think about my ex and how he cheated on me repeatedly and got her pregnant. A day or so before she had the baby, I had a dream about her and when he called and said she had had her, I had a really bad episode I guess you could call it. I'm always thinking about money and how I am never pay my bills because I don't make much, and how much I hate my job. Then there's also constant thoughts of what I wanna go back to school for, because I can't decide what to study but I def do not want to work in fast food my whole life. My brain just never shuts off.
These thoughts swirl around in my mind and I have bawled into my pillow so many times, until my head feels like it'll explode. I get angry.i would imagine lack of sleep def contributes to it.
I have starte to force myself to not worry about money issues until the Ed of the month, that way I'm only stressed for a few days instead of all month. It's getting a little better.