[ShaggyChic_1201]

This isn't a discussion about a specific religion nor am I preaching anything, but moderators - please delete if it's inappropriate.

Many religions have beliefs about not being anxious, forgiveness and that suffering is a path to enlightenment. I very recently divorced an abusive and sometimes violent man, though our legal battles are not over yet.

My anxiety is through the roof and I would like to find solace in religion, but cannot because all that I hear in my head is that I'm supposed to turn the other cheek, forgive, etc.

Without discussing doctrine, have you been able to reconcile these types of questions? Can one be a "good" (insert any religion) and not be a victim?

[riksie-dixie]

In all honesty, I believe it takes time to forgive someone. It's not something that can be done with the push of a button...

Although I'm not a particularly religious person, I believe that anyone could be a good religious person, despite not being a victim. People make mistakes and, sometimes, they realize it far too late. Other times, they're quicker to realize their mistakes.

[moralfe]

I am a Christian and just because you are taught to forgive does not mean you have to be a victim. At no time should anyone be a victim. If forgiveness make you feel like a victim then you are doing it wrong. Forgiveness is something you do so that you can move on. Forgiveness is basically saying I am not going to look back I am moving forward and I am going to position my vision forward and see all the great things I still have and will have in the furture. Without forgiveness you cannot move on. It is basically a physical and mental release that will allow you to move on without it coming back to remind you of the pain.

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[ShaggyChic_1201]

Originally Posted by riksie-dixie

In all honesty, I believe it takes time to forgive someone. It's not something that can be done with the push of a button...

Although I'm not a particularly religious person, I believe that anyone could be a good religious person, despite not being a victim. People make mistakes and, sometimes, they realize it far too late. Other times, they're quicker to realize their mistakes.

Thanks for your reply. I dont understand what you're saying tho. Did the victim make a mistake? Can you say more?

[ShaggyChic_1201]

Originally Posted by moralfe

I am a Christian and just because you are taught to forgive does not mean you have to be a victim. At no time should anyone be a victim. If forgiveness make you feel like a victim then you are doing it wrong. Forgiveness is something you do so that you can move on. Forgiveness is basically saying I am not going to look back I am moving forward and I am going to position my vision forward and see all the great things I still have and will have in the furture. Without forgiveness you cannot move on. It is basically a physical and mental release that will allow you to move on without it coming back to remind you of the pain.

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I think I get what you're saying. Forgiveness is for the benefit of the person who is giving the forgiveness, not the person who is being forgiven. But how does that coincide with it's good to suffer and you should turn the other cheek?

Why is it not okay to take one's beaten cheek away from the beater?

[IndieVisible]

"have you been able to reconcile these types of questions?"

I don't even try. Some times you need to get angry, sad, happy, anxious, fearful, courageous, forgive, not forgive, forget, not forget. These are all emotions that every human feels. If you did not feel any of them, then there would be some thing wrong.

You can believe in God without religion

[moralfe]

It is not a lesson on turn you cheek to suffer. It is a lesson teaching that you should not retaliate against anyone who does you wrong. It can be taken out of context. A lot of people only talk about the cheek but if you read the entire passage you will see that he is saying that if someone does wrong to you do not retaliate and show them the love of Christ by being kind. I am not saying this is easy. I know it is hard but we should all try.

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[ShaggyChic_1201]

Originally Posted by IndieVisible

You can believe in God without religion

I completely concur with that. But can one be religious and not be a victim/doormat?

Maybe I'm just not thinking clearly.

[ShaggyChic_1201]

Originally Posted by moralfe

It is not a lesson on turn you cheek to suffer. It is a lesson teaching that you should not retaliate against anyone who does you wrong. It can be taken out of context. A lot of people only talk about the cheek but if you read the entire passage you will see that he is saying that if someone does wrong to you do not retaliate and show them the love of Christ by being kind. I am not saying this is easy. I know it is hard but we should all try.

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Thanks! so in your opinion, is it ok to bring charges on the cheek-beater? That's not retaliation, but it's not loving either.

I'm really not trying to be a jerk

[IndieVisible]

Originally Posted by bubsmiley

I completely concur with that. But can one be religious and not be a victim/doormat?

Maybe I'm just not thinking clearly.

religion will make you feel like that. It's kind of a chain, and control thing. We go by man's interpretation of what God wants and means. Technically speaking, yes you can be religious and not feel like a doormat or slave. But it would not be any of the organized religions. I follow my own heart. Right or wrong, at least I make my choices and not some one wearing a collar at a podium telling me what I need to do. I follow my own religion

[moralfe]

In my opinion yes. There is no reason any man including myself that should ever hit a woman. Just remember their are 2 laws. The law of man and of God. So if you have been physically abused yes. Please do so. Do not hesitate and make the call. I am sorry that you had to experience the situation.

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[ShaggyChic_1201]

Originally Posted by moralfe

In my opinion yes. There is no reason any man including myself that should ever hit a woman. Just remember their are 2 laws. The law of man and of God. So if you have been physically abused yes. Please do so. Do not hesitate and make the call. I am sorry that you had to experience the situation.

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Excellent point. There are two laws and it's not immoral to avail myself of man's laws.

[ShaggyChic_1201]

Originally Posted by IndieVisible

religion will make you feel like that. It's kind of a chain, and control thing. We go by man's interpretation of what God wants and means. Technically speaking, yes you can be religious and not feel like a doormat or slave. But it would not be any of the organized religions. I follow my own heart. Right or wrong, at least I make my choices and not some one wearing a collar at a podium telling me what I need to do. I follow my own religion

I think many people feel exactly as you do. Thanks very much.

[moralfe]

Not a problem. Hope you get through this tough time.

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[riksie-dixie]

Originally Posted by bubsmiley

Thanks for your reply. I dont understand what you're saying tho. Did the victim make a mistake? Can you say more?

I'm talking about the abuser. Sometimes, people are the way that they are for a reason. Of course, there are a lot of reasons out there, including the abuser's own childhood and genetics. Then again, people sometimes grow up into someone that they never wanted to be. They see this, and they feel horrible; they regret.

I'm sorry if this still isn't making sense. I have a weird way of putting ideas together.