Hello,

Things were on the mend, I have been active in helping with chores, starting to focus again on small tasks and feeling generally better.

Art Therapy is something I really want to make a career in, and signed up for many relational volunteer posts to apply for the master's programme.

You see, last year I thought that the social anxiety and panic aspects of my life were over, and that it was solely the depression aspect of this diagnosis, causing the way I feel.

Completely ignoring the fact that I have never really dealt with my social anxiety issues, I signed up to volunteering at a mental health group therapy organisation, and went yesterday.

It became apparent that I was not ready to fulfill the role, although it was not even hard, as soon as I got in there, panic ensued, all the horrible and uncomfortable feelings came back, and I did not say anything the whole time.

After the team leader spoke to me about it and said I could volunteer any time I wanted, but to come as a member to get some practice sitting with other people to help things along, whilst waiting for therapy.

I am tremendously upset and feel like a failure, before this revelation I had also fixed my sleeping pattern, and now I feel very depressed again and woke up late today, because that dark cloud is back, all my hard work feels undone up until this point.

I just don't know how to feel or what to do, i'm a failure.

[stuck1978]

Hi fembot067,

Don't think you're a failure. There will always be setbacks, but the important thing is not really to fight the fact that there are and will be setbacks, but accept it as part of the current state of things while still trying to move ahead.

It does take a lot of energy to go ahead with something despite your anxiety gnawing at the nape of your neck. Try letting it be and letting it gnaw. In fact, invite it and ask for more. Tell it to come, but try not to focus on it and go on with what you were going to do anyway. Don't worry how you appear to others. Even if you're quiet or not talkative sometimes, keep on going and interacting to the best of your ability at the moment while not pushing the anxiety away.

So, you slept over one day and felt not so good this one day. This is just one day out of your entire life, and you shouldn't stress over it or take it as a sign that the work has been undone. It might be undone a bit, but not completely. It's just a setback and an opportunity to work on and fix something new your life.

-stuck

Originally Posted by stuck1978

Hi fembot067,

Don't think you're a failure. There will always be setbacks, but the important thing is not really to fight the fact that there are and will be setbacks, but accept it as part of the current state of things while still trying to move ahead.

It does take a lot of energy to go ahead with something despite your anxiety gnawing at the nape of your neck. Try letting it be and letting it gnaw. In fact, invite it and ask for more. Tell it to come, but try not to focus on it and go on with what you were going to do anyway. Don't worry how you appear to others. Even if you're quiet or not talkative sometimes, keep on going and interacting to the best of your ability at the moment while not pushing the anxiety away.

So, you slept over one day and felt not so good this one day. This is just one day out of your entire life, and you shouldn't stress over it or take it as a sign that the work has been undone. It might be undone a bit, but not completely. It's just a setback and an opportunity to work on and fix something new your life.

-stuck

Hey Stuck, thank you for the reply,
I just can't get over this silly hurdle alone, it is so difficult, I think the main things which upset me most or certain things I am intolerant to are:
-finally talking to a group or someone new, and reacting very strongly to their comments if I disagree with them.
-How I look or am perceived in the group
-Getting mad at what people say around me I especially need to deal with.
-When someone who is extremely confident and competitive, works in the same place as me, it really puts me off trying, because I know that I can never be that person and my efforts are never acknowledged anyway, feel like people see my hang ups and take advantage. I just want nice people around me, but even they take advantage.

Your advice about keeping going to the meeting (which will be a new one next week with complete strangers again, because my sister works at the one I went to last week) is what I will take and work with as mentioned, little steps and all that.

Thank you

[stuck1978]

Your reactions that you mentioned as bullet points seem to be signs of insecurity. One thing to remember about insecurity is that while those you talk about appear to be confident about a certain thing, they can't be confident or good at everything. There are things that you're better at than they are. We are all different with different qualities we can bring to the picture. Sometimes what we're really good at is not relevant in work situations. (e.g. I might be a great cook while working at a finance firm...)

Instead of letting yourself feel insecure and competitive (and angry) as a result, try to bring something unique and different of your own to the table when you meet (maybe a different angle to look at things?). And again, it's no point worrying about how you are perceived especially at the moment as you are dealing with the anxiety. You need to give yourself some slack. Once you're better, you can focus on how you're perceived more.

Generally, try to push through while letting the anxiety be there and inviting it more but not focusing on it.

Good luck!

[Harmacy]

Overcoming social anxiety is difficult. I tried some volunteering last year. I'm actually from a similar part of UK as you so it could have even been the same organization (I won't name them here as don't want to breach any confidentiality). I signed up as wanted some practical experience in the mental health field for possible post grad courses. (The irony is that I have my own MH issues so volunteering to support others is a strange idea really).

The social anxiety made it unbearable. The post was over subscribed with volunteers and the initial training sessions took place with sooo many people in the room. Sounds silly but something as simple as not having anywhere to sit or panicking over whether I'm taking up someone else's seat, making accidental eye contact/not enough eye contact, all on top of interacting with completely new people made me feel overwhelmed with anxiety. Then I start thinking my anxiety is making people look at me weirdly which makes me even more anxious and the familiar cycle takes hold.

Also, similar to what you wrote above, sometimes when I'm around really confident people (and there were several of those there) I find it frustrating that my SA makes speaking out if I disagree with them or putting my point of view across really difficult. I know that if I force myself to speak, the emotion makes what I'm saying sound too intense so I just stay silent and come across as passive and compliant when I'm actually really opinionated sometimes, especially about political stuff.

Originally Posted by Harmacy

Overcoming social anxiety is difficult. I tried some volunteering last year. I'm actually from a similar part of UK as you so it could have even been the same organization (I won't name them here as don't want to breach any confidentiality). I signed up as wanted some practical experience in the mental health field for possible post grad courses. (The irony is that I have my own MH issues so volunteering to support others is a strange idea really).

The social anxiety made it unbearable. The post was over subscribed with volunteers and the initial training sessions took place with sooo many people in the room. Sounds silly but something as simple as not having anywhere to sit or panicking over whether I'm taking up someone else's seat, making accidental eye contact/not enough eye contact, all on top of interacting with completely new people made me feel overwhelmed with anxiety. Then I start thinking my anxiety is making people look at me weirdly which makes me even more anxious and the familiar cycle takes hold.

Also, similar to what you wrote above, sometimes when I'm around really confident people (and there were several of those there) I find it frustrating that my SA makes speaking out if I disagree with them or putting my point of view across really difficult. I know that if I force myself to speak, the emotion makes what I'm saying sound too intense so I just stay silent and come across as passive and compliant when I'm actually really opinionated sometimes, especially about political stuff.

Thank you for sharing your experience, I do not think that wanting to work the mental health sector is strange, if you have a mental health issue, people who have been through it are surprisingly valued it seems, these days.

The anxious symptoms you describe are how I felt almost exactly, and it was so obvious, however nice the group were about making me feel welcomed.

I plan to persevere with the goals I have set, but every knock back sends me tumbling downwards to step 1 every time, and every time the depression becomes more intense and prolonged.

Practice our coping skills, work hard to stick to them once learned, get better, help others,

I hope you are in a better place with this now

[Harmacy]

Originally Posted by fembot067

I hope you are in a better place with this now

Thanks , I think I'm realizing that social events are always going to be a struggle but that the main thing is to show up and try. If it's all too much then we can always leave but the main thing is not to give up.

I wish you well and hope you find something that works out for you. Keep trying and hopefully you'll eventually find the right people and the right place.

Originally Posted by stuck1978

Your reactions that you mentioned as bullet points seem to be signs of insecurity. One thing to remember about insecurity is that while those you talk about appear to be confident about a certain thing, they can't be confident or good at everything. There are things that you're better at than they are. We are all different with different qualities we can bring to the picture. Sometimes what we're really good at is not relevant in work situations. (e.g. I might be a great cook while working at a finance firm...)

Instead of letting yourself feel insecure and competitive (and angry) as a result, try to bring something unique and different of your own to the table when you meet (maybe a different angle to look at things?). And again, it's no point worrying about how you are perceived especially at the moment as you are dealing with the anxiety. You need to give yourself some slack. Once you're better, you can focus on how you're perceived more.

Generally, try to push through while letting the anxiety be there and inviting it more but not focusing on it.

Good luck!

This is really what I needed to hear, thank you very much. Oh yes there are definatley elements of insecurity in my personality. I feel like people always doubt me but the anxiety parts of the issue are very real and there, otherwise I'd have raced ahead by now.
I'm trying to think in a non competitive way and accept the situation for what it is.
Thank you for acknowledging the issues I have and not dismissing them, I find that many people are not tolerant to social anxiety and depression and dismiss it although the person appears to be suffering .

Sounds like you have been through this and have improved, would love to hear your story

[stuck1978]

I'm glad to help. I can't say that I'm all better. I'm still going through a lot learning along the way. Anxiety is a very real thing. I didn't realize I had it until some time ago when it dawned on me that I was literally running away from or shutting down in every situation where there were people I didn't know. Unfortunately, I had a bad example in my then ex who I looked up to for a long time not understanding that he himself had a severe social anxiety. Now I know.

So, yes, it is a very real thing. I was diagnosed with a generalized anxiety disorder a few years ago. I was also prescribed xanax to take when things got rough. I have here and there, but generally I'm not in favor of taking drugs especially those you can grow dependent on. Instead, I have been trying to do research and find information to help me cope and be better.

I wish I could say I'm all better, and it's a miracle, etc. and give you this hope, but it hasn't happened for me yet. I hope it will. In the meantime, I'm happy to share what seems to work so far.

Originally Posted by stuck1978

I'm glad to help. I can't say that I'm all better. I'm still going through a lot learning along the way. Anxiety is a very real thing. I didn't realize I had it until some time ago when it dawned on me that I was literally running away from or shutting down in every situation where there were people I didn't know. Unfortunately, I had a bad example in my then ex who I looked up to for a long time not understanding that he himself had a severe social anxiety. Now I know.

So, yes, it is a very real thing. I was diagnosed with a generalized anxiety disorder a few years ago. I was also prescribed xanax to take when things got rough. I have here and there, but generally I'm not in favor of taking drugs especially those you can grow dependent on. Instead, I have been trying to do research and find information to help me cope and be better.

I wish I could say I'm all better, and it's a miracle, etc. and give you this hope, but it hasn't happened for me yet. I hope it will. In the meantime, I'm happy to share what seems to work so far.

This definatley is a story I can relate to, even with the ex situation actually, same i'm not pro meds for ethical reasons and try to have them only when needed. The research really helps me too, thank you so much for sharing because it has helped me generalise my past issues with people a little more, and with this I am able to move forward easier.

[manwithnofriends]

http://www.anxietysocialnet.com/social-anxiety

According to the Kim Foundation, more than 40 million Americans aged between 18 years and older suffer from some kind of anxiety disorder.

That's 12% of the entire United States. Not sure if it's believable

Originally Posted by manwithnofriends

Social Anxiety - Fear of Social Situations - Social Anxiety Tips


That's 12% of the entire United States. Not sure if it's believable

Thanks, for this link, I can believe anxiety is rife within the USA - but then i'm not a believer of the dsm, as people are diagnosed left, right and centre it seems.

I am in the UK, and there are less diagnosis' here, and less medication dispensed so readily.

[dwfieldjr]

Some self help books have helped me a little.