[MyMail]

I am the father of a 19 y/o daughter with a lot of anxiety issues. Highly intelligent university student & has always made straight "A"s taking the hard courses. Never had a boyfriend or girlfriend despite being a slender and attractive girl, though she does interact with people at school and organized volunteer events. Outside of school, she never leaves the house. Stays up all night studying, surfing the internet, & playing an RPG videogame. The only time she is awake during the daytime or evening is if she has a class. This sleep schedule has been going on for a couple or three years now. Takes Zoloft prescribed by family doctor and has some Xanax for situational use but does not take it regularly. Does not drink or use any illegal drugs. Lately is very confrontational with Mom & Dad. Says she is happy, understands she has an anxiety disorder, and does not want to see a psychiatrist or therapist or go through any therapy. Her lifestyle is driving Mom & Dad a little nuts & we would like her to have more from her life. Thoughts?

My daughter, who is now 28, has had an anxiety disorder since she was three years old. She's also a high achiever, like your daughter is (A's in school, etc.). My husband and I have always been exceedingly patient with our daughter, recognizing that in some ways (social, especially) she's a late bloomer. When she was 19 I was sure her life would be pretty terrible...she isolated so much. Well, my advice is to give your daughter space and TIME. 19 is young. My daughter worked with her anxiety issues (meds - she also was reluctant to be in therapy), eventually graduated college, and is now married to a wonderful man. Please allow your daughter to go at HER pace, not yours. Be patient, and then be MORE patient.

[Little Lulu]

If you daughter is truly happy with her life as it is, she won't see any need to change (marriage taught me this!). About the only thing I think you have much control over is not accepting unacceptable behavior, such as her being confrontational ... and that might diminish if you and her mom ease up on trying to change her.

I realize she might not be where you and her mom might want her to be at this point in her life but it sounds like she has a lot of good qualities. My suggestion - let go of her and her issues. I don't see that there is much you can/should do at this point, except maybe you and your wife take a trip and get out of the fray for a short time.

[MyMail]

Thanks guys. This is the conclusion I've slowly been coming to. I try not to push her to take some steps to help herself, but it's hard sometimes to just not say anything.

[propliopithecus]

Maybe she can try a cognitive behavioral therapy self-help guide.

[avlady]

my son is sleeping in the day and up all night. he just went off of a med to. he goes for counseling, which is great, but he also has anxiety disorder. i don't really know how to help him, he has to help himself first.