[antisocialbutterfly]

I have a major phobia of gore, blood etc... but until recently, sometimes when I see a graphic photo, I have no response to it. Usually I would turn away and be sickened by the sight, but other times I'm not? Then that image floats around in my head for days or pops up at random times and it makes me cringe the way I should've when I first saw it. Other times I'll think of it but still have no response. I'll start thinking disturbing thoughts with gore, violence and I can't stop it. It interferes when I'm eating (the worst time) or just randomly. Maybe I've overcome some aspects of gore and blood, but I've seen some pretty graphic and horrific pictures where I'll have no response where I'd usually faint or feel sick. And it only happens sometimes, not all the time and it's concerning me.

Not only do I picture graphic images, I've had times where I thought, I could kill that person or I could hurt that person really bad, but I know I wouldn't really do that, because it's not me. I just think how easy it could be, then I feel horrible about it because it's not right, I know it isn't, I never act upon it, but having those thoughts makes me feel like a horrible person.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

As someone with it, OCD does comes to mind, definitely.

Yep. OCD.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

OCD, by its very meaning, typically consists of obsession(s) and compulsion(s), being so bad that it interferes with daily life, be it work, social events, relationships, friendships, family, etc. You are obsessing over gore, and compulsively ruminating - I expect you also check yourself (looking at something gory to test your reactions) and seek reassurance for this, which are all very typical OCD behaviors. It looks to me like it's interfering with your life; disordering it.

It's definitely worth seeing a doctor, to get a proper diagnosis (as fairly sure as I am that I know what I'm talking about, I'm still not a doctor, so I'm of course obliged to recommend you see one) and treatment, which would very likely be CBT.

Personally, I'd avoid taking something like Citalipram (SSRI) for it (I've been told it "can" apparently help with OCD) and to just go straight to the problem, rather than covering it up with medication, although I believe "they" typically like, in some cases, to mix the two, so the medication compliments the treatment. I say this, because some time back, before they took notice of my rather obvious OCD, "they" kept trying to fob me off with medication that did absolutely diddly-squat for me.

You're obsessing over gore so much, that it has become even more apparent to you. I guess it could make sense that you've desensitized yourself from some aspects of it, from so much focus on it all, but the flip-side is that it is so prominent.

I expect your focus on gore, has made you question yourself - "Am I sick?" and "Is there something wrong with me?" and even "Am I evil?" are all questions with which I'm more than familiar; it's entirely in human nature to ask questions like these - as far as I know, we're just assessing the situation, like our brains are so good at doing.

The fact that you posted in the anxiety forum, is also quite typical of OCD, because of course these sort of fears will make us anxious. It's no wonder if I have a debilitating form of anxiety, as I've had OCD since I was a child, which had been left to fester, because nobody would hear me out, when I cried out for help, in my own weird way. Lower your anxiety levels, and you can sometimes actually lower your chances of obsessing. Ever since going on Propranolol (beta-blocker, for my anxiety) I've had an easier time dealing with my OCD, ... not drastically, but noticeably.

Look up some relaxation techniques. Learn to use your senses to keep yourself grounded and calm: your sight, your ability to touch, your hearing, and all the wonders you can taste. Use candles, joss-sticks, relaxing music, beautiful pictures, and so much more - whatever helps you focus and mellow out. Use your body as an ally, not your enemy.

[hayleytheherbivore]

Hi, sorry to hear that you're struggling with thoughts and being confused.

I've been a little conflicted with the same thing too lately. Yesterday I did something pretty uncharacteristic of me. I saw a page on social media called "sick, twisted facts" and out of curiosity I clicked it and ended scrolling all the way through to the end reading about vivid disturbing stories and images from history and reality and being fascinated and intrigued by it. It was later accompanied by guilt for looking at it and being interested in the horrible sufferings and happenings to other people and then later followed by a fear and anxiety that the same things would happen to me for gawking at it happening to others as karma.

There's a skill I've learned in therapy called "thought stopping." It can be beneficial or harmful depending on the circumstances you use it in. It starts with self awareness and being aware of when you are having a disturbing thought. After you can pinpoint it, thought stopping indicates that you immediately picture something to counteract it. For me, I imagine a red stop sign. I have to physically shake my head and sometimes tell myself "no." I also have to do things to distract myself if it gets that bad. Like counting things on the wall or spelling things in my head. Doing something hands on also helps.

Good luck, and try not to beat yourself up over it.

Yeah I have the similar symptoms and Im OCD. Today worse than usual! I got triggered by a particularly graphic photo. And now I cant get it out of my mind. And I feel by thinking of it, it is going to happen now to my partner. The anxiety is close to unbearable.

I have tried all of the techniques Zwangsstörung has suggested with no success. Pdoc wants me to start Clomipramine but I need to get off the zoloft first. Apparently it has been known to cure OCD. I am not keen to take the med, I would rather sort it out with therapy but that has been unsuccessful so far, and a lifelong cure is very tempting.

Goodluck with finding something to help, some people can get past these thoughts very easily, unfortunately I am not one of them. But Im holding out hope for you that you will be.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by antisocialbutterfly

I have a major phobia of gore, blood etc... but until recently, sometimes when I see a graphic photo, I have no response to it. Usually I would turn away and be sickened by the sight, but other times I'm not? Then that image floats around in my head for days or pops up at random times and it makes me cringe the way I should've when I first saw it. Other times I'll think of it but still have no response. I'll start thinking disturbing thoughts with gore, violence and I can't stop it. It interferes when I'm eating (the worst time) or just randomly. Maybe I've overcome some aspects of gore and blood, but I've seen some pretty graphic and horrific pictures where I'll have no response where I'd usually faint or feel sick. And it only happens sometimes, not all the time and it's concerning me.

Not only do I picture graphic images, I've had times where I thought, I could kill that person or I could hurt that person really bad, but I know I wouldn't really do that, because it's not me. I just think how easy it could be, then I feel horrible about it because it's not right, I know it isn't, I never act upon it, but having those thoughts makes me feel like a horrible person.

Have you discussed this with a therapist?

[LiteraryLark]

Originally Posted by antisocialbutterfly

I have a major phobia of gore, blood etc... but until recently, sometimes when I see a graphic photo, I have no response to it. Usually I would turn away and be sickened by the sight, but other times I'm not? Then that image floats around in my head for days or pops up at random times and it makes me cringe the way I should've when I first saw it. Other times I'll think of it but still have no response. I'll start thinking disturbing thoughts with gore, violence and I can't stop it. It interferes when I'm eating (the worst time) or just randomly. Maybe I've overcome some aspects of gore and blood, but I've seen some pretty graphic and horrific pictures where I'll have no response where I'd usually faint or feel sick. And it only happens sometimes, not all the time and it's concerning me.

Not only do I picture graphic images, I've had times where I thought, I could kill that person or I could hurt that person really bad, but I know I wouldn't really do that, because it's not me. I just think how easy it could be, then I feel horrible about it because it's not right, I know it isn't, I never act upon it, but having those thoughts makes me feel like a horrible person.

Oddly enough that's how the average person views a sickly image. They are initially disturbed by it and then seem not phazed with it. It simply means that you are disgusted but then needs time to digest it. Sounds normal to me.

[antisocialbutterfly]

Originally Posted by leomama

Have you discussed this with a therapist?

No not yet, I have only met her once, I might talk to her about it next week when I see her. But it's not only that, I have graphic scenarios in my head of things that could happen. I was in class the other day and I looked up at someone who was sitting at a desk and I thought "if they fell to the side, they could smack their head against the desk beside them and it would not be a pretty sight." and I could almost vividly see it happening. And I have a big pet peeve of people leaning back on their chairs but out of that pet peeve I can see them falling back and hitting their heads on glass or the wall and it distresses me to the point where I want to cry. It's not just with other people though, I think some gruesome things could happen to me as well as others.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by antisocialbutterfly

No not yet, I have only met her once, I might talk to her about it next week when I see her. But it's not only that, I have graphic scenarios in my head of things that could happen. I was in class the other day and I looked up at someone who was sitting at a desk and I thought "if they fell to the side, they could smack their head against the desk beside them and it would not be a pretty sight." and I could almost vividly see it happening. And I have a big pet peeve of people leaning back on their chairs but out of that pet peeve I can see them falling back and hitting their heads on glass or the wall and it distresses me to the point where I want to cry. It's not just with other people though, I think some gruesome things could happen to me as well as others.

Its enough of a concern to you to talk to us about it so I highly suggest you talk to your therapist about it.