Social Events with Strangers When You Are Shy?

In an effort to meet more people, I signed up for a gardening course. Tonight there's a county-wide potluck/annual meeting for all the people in my county who have ever been a part of this program.

I signed up to go, but I'm already worried that I will just be sitting off in a corner by myself without interacting with anyone. I don't know anyone in my class very well and am not sure who else is going.

I am frustrated with my behavior. I would like to be more socially assertive than I am, but I am not sure how to get over this shyness. A big problem is that I wait for people to approach me rather than approaching other people. Often it seems like the people who approach me just want to talk my ear off... and I let them and even seek them out the next time I am in a room full of mostly strangers! I don't want to do this anymore, but I am not sure what 'normal' people do.

It's not that I am scared of strangers - I can initiate and sustain conversations with individuals I encounter in my daily life. There's something about group situations that's always been difficult for me. I feel like what I am saying makes me look stupid or rude or awkward.

Do you have any tips or tricks that have helped you deal with situations like this? I can make small talk once I am talking to someone -- it's initiating the conversations in the first place that seems impossible.

well it seems simple in this situation. come up with a few questions ahead of time and you can ask those same questions again and again of different people. things such as what brought you to the gardening club? what type of garden are you planning? have you started planting yet? I don't know much about gardening so I cant come up with many more questions beyond that, but having a few basic conversation starters planned will keep you from freezing up when it comes to meeting people. if you go with the plan of initiating conversations then you will be less likely stuck listening to people all night long. good luck and take care. I admire you for putting yourself out there and getting to know people.

I rather be shy then have anxiety or paranoia. I always have to roll play before social interaction. Even with my family. Its the worst feeling in the world. I think being shy is not that bad, im not saying that its not hard, but just try to put yourself into more situations where you interact with people. Ive tried this but it doesnt seem to get any better with me. This site is helping me start to talk more but I have to take baby steps.

I hope you will come outta your shell, it takes time but I think you can do it. Good luck

I have a bad history of backing out of these type of things at the last minute. On the rare occasion that I do make myself go, I usually have a good time once I'm there. I do roll play how I think the event will go and know how to get to all exits should it become too much.

Tx, I also often back out of these kinds of events --- and one of the first things I think of when making plans is what my excuse will be to leave early.

I'm cracking up at myself for not thinking of obvious conversation starters like 'what are you planting?' Thank you, Kaliope.

Trying, yes, I think baby steps are important. I am not sure what my issue is exactly, if I am shy or what. It's not shy exactly -- it only happens in certain situations? I hope it gets easier for both of us!

Just an update on what did happen and observations I made:

I went to the event. I almost immediately ran into someone who recognized me from the class. We hadn't talked before, but we sat together during the dinner. I was happy that we found each other because we were both on a similar page in the sense of feeling like we were the only people who didn't know anyone at this event

I also talked with some other people at our dining table. It was a lot less low-stress than it had been in my mind. I did feel like I kept putting my foot in my mouth. I wish I knew whether I really was or if it's just in my head.

I did notice that as soon as the main speaking event was over, my first instinct was to get out of there ASAP -- even though I had meant to approach a few of the speakers with questions. I didn't remember that until I was at my car, whoops!

I also realized that this is what I do during my class, as well. As soon as the class is over, I want to go to my car and get out of there. I should probably hang around and chit chat if I want to meet people.

One woman had a great way of connecting with other people that I am going to steal for next time. She brought business cards and wrote 'Please email me your recipe' and stuck them underneath a bunch of potluck dishes.

Wow we have similar symptoms, please add me as a friend and check out my threads. Thanjs

glad someone asked this. last night, boyfriend, his mom, and i went over to their neighbors for a potluck and watched some movies. in the past, i would be thrilled to go to an social event. i would back then back out of it last minute because my social skills are still not up to par well they were bad back then. at the potluck, i was quiet doing a lot of hmm with the neighbor and i felt so stupid. sometimes people ramble not letting you get a say so in which happens to me a lot.

i have been practicing a lot rebuilding my social skills back to par i sometimes do okay and other times i am in a daze. i used to be very outgoing and i can't even give someone direct eye contact. i stutter, my sentences get out of order, i am like a daze, i still answer with one word answers at times, and i get this inner voice of leave me alone don't bother me, etc. i became a mute because of verbal abuse at home and i am like monotone and my voice gets quiet.

i would huddle around my boyfriend or by myself when there's other company and i am not sure how to act. i was sheltered in my life and still am kinda but i miss the company of people. i used to make friends easily in the past and now it seems i can't do that because people say i am mysterious. hey, there's things about me that's history and there's nothing interesting about my past life it's all dark who wants to hear that? i have been surrounding myself with outgoing people yet i still find myself hiding in a corner.

i have heard people say how they rehearse what they have to say. to me and this only me, i feel like rehearsing is like for a play. i am not rehearsing for when i need to speak to people, this is real life not a play/movie that i am doing. i just don't like how some people tell me rehearse what you have to say. people say how people didn't wanna be around me because i always looked depressed and i did, not sure about today. small talk about certain things i am not sure what to say just a lot of hmm or mmm.

i want to be a part of people's lives and then back out mostly because people gave up on me, treating me like an outcast which they still do, and me not trusting people for what's happen to me in the past. i don't know i feel i do a lot of daydreaming not really hearing everything around me. people say i am too slow to understand anything like i have autism or something, yea, that's how they treat me like some special ed person. i still have anxiety issues i keep it in my throat, tummy, and chest need to go back to breathing exercises. i just get startled very easily which spikes it up...

Ladytiger, I can identify a lot with what you said! Part of it is that I just feel like whatever I say is stupid or wrong, as soon as it comes out of my mouth --- and so then I tend to be even more quiet than I am in the first place! I think these feelings are not rational, though -- I think we feel much worse about how we appear to other people than other people actually notice.

Like you, I've been more outgoing in the past. It's very frustrating to try to come out of this isolation mode. Getting out there does seem to make it easier as time goes by, but it's still such a slow process.

Re: small talk, I try to ask people questions about themselves, but so often I wind up getting a lot of answers without any sort of follow up question on their end. Isn't weird how we can 'forget' social skills? I've forgotten how to have normal conversations, if I ever knew -- I think I always let people talk at me.

I hope it gets easier for you too with practice!

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