[GSFarm]

Hi! I've been dealing with a couple things lately and just wanted to get a different perspective aside from my tumbling mind.

I'm 19 years old and a sophomore at a large SEC university about 3 hours from my hometown where I was raised. It was pretty small >7000 and I went through 5-12 grade with the same bunch of kids.

The first year was ok. I was pretty homesick but a large group of my friends had come to school with me. I dove into clubs and organizations and studied really hard - trying to forget about home but by time spring rolled around and the weather got nice I started to become really really homesick. By November of my second year I thought I was losing my mind. I didn't want to be here one bit, was pretty irritable and ended up breaking things off with my long term (3 years) boyfriend.

During Christmas break I had what I believe was a panic attack. My dog woke me up in the middle of the night barking and I shot out of bed and it started. I felt burning hot - mostly my fingers and toes and couldn't catch my breath. I turned on a light and woke up my sister who shares a room with me and told her I thought I needed to go to the hospital. She was able to calm me down and I fell back asleep only to have it happen again early in the morning.

6 weeks after school restarted parents came to visit me one afternoon. After they left I had another attack that night.

Ever since then I have been on edge. It has almost been two months. The day of classes after my attack I skipped one and walked to the campus counseling center and they briefly talked to me and told me I might have some repressed anxiety and that it could take up to 4 weeks to see anyone.

For the next week I was a wreck. I couldn't sleep alone, I didn't want to leave my apartment, I shook and felt on the verge of tears until I got back to my apartment. I couldn't concentrate in class and did very poorly on a couple tests - which never happens.

As the weeks passed new symptoms came up. At times I felt so optimistic that I could get through this and the next I felt like I'd feel lik this forever. After that cycle I would swear I was bipolar so I'd lose it again. Then sometimes I feel unreal, like the world is just spinning around me and I'm numb - so I think "I must be schizophrenic" - another panic. These thoughts just haunt me. I can't get them out of my mind.

For a few days I questioned everything. "How did we as a human race get here?" "Why did God create us?" "Where is heaven/hell?" I am a firm Christian but my thoughts wouldn't stop and it terrified me. I'd be walking and just stop dead in my tracks and lose my breathe when one of these thoughts would pop up.

I worry constantly and can't step out of the cycle. I FINALLY have an appointment with a counselor after waiting two months, but now I'm freaking out about that. I spend a lot of time looking up stuff about anxiety and reading person stories and sometimes those calm me and other times they don't.

I'm sorry to bore you with this long post but I'm just hoping someone can relate or at least lie to me and tell me they understand

[Libraryuser]

I can relate. I had my first panic attack in college and I thought I was going crazy and/or about to die. I felt so alone. I didn't understand what was going on.

What has made all the difference for me is that I started seeing a therapist in college and continue to see one even after all these years (it's been many, many years). While I still struggle with anxiety and depression, I haven't died and I'm not insane.

I hope you hang in there and can get some help from a mental health professional. You are not alone. May you find peace.

[joeyb123]

You are indeed not alone my friend...mine started after the loss of my mother which was a sudden and horrid experience so bad that i did not break down and cry about it for several weeks and soon after that i was on my way on a fishing trip with my wife n nephew and wham out of the blue my first panic attack n like so many others i was sure i was dying....spent 3hrs in the hospital and later was discharged and after that i went through roughly 5months of hell couldnt eat no want to socialize just hold up in my home like a prisoner all the while these thoughts stormed through my head like a hurricane that i was gonna die this is the end on n on but i made it.....im going through the same rough patch again with the economy being so bad n work so hard to find me n my wife struggle everyday but this go round i intend on begining to sed a counseler cause i do not wanna go through that hell again....keep your head high friend your in good company