I feel completely useless.

I'm a university student who's depending on parents financially.
Excuse my bad grammar btw, English is not my first language.
I spend too much time web surfing and I hardly do any studying.
I've been having this problem since middle school. I tried fixing the problem many times bit failed miserably. my parents are worried and upset about my problems and we've had emotional outbursts and spent seeks crying but I still came back to the same problem. my grades are terrible and I might get expelled even. I'm so sick and disgusted by myself and I feel so sorry for mom and dad. they are the best parents that you could ever ask for. they provide for me, love me, and worry about me. they didnt do anything to deserve a failure like me but well... isnt life ironic. I wish I wasnt born in the first place. I wish my parents had a child who listens to them and finctions as a normal human being, instead of a trash like me. I feel like a waste of space and resources most of the time. recently, all I've been thinking about is how it would be much better for the society if I died and donated my body parts to leople who need them. they'd be well and happy again and it'll be worth it. but I dare not think of actuallt killing myself because my parents will be sad. I am their only child after all.
sorry for jibber jabbering. what I'm trying to say is that I want to escaoe this endless loop of internet addiction and actually live my life that's jusy waiting for me out there.
thank you kindly if you read this boring **** through.

My parents also sent me to college. My older brother works in finance and makes a bundle and has a family and is basically the "perfect" son. I am the ****-up son who failed. My parents paid for me to go to college but I got a useless psychology degree (basically useless without graduate work at least in the USA) and now I just scrape by. They gave me everything I needed to succeed and I know they care about me and worry about me but I just don't seem to go anywhere. In college I even would skip discussion classes and speeches because I was too afraid to get up in front of the class (pathetic considering I had it handed to me and I couldn't even get through a presentation or two...).

Funny that you mention the organ donation thing... I have looked into (online, not really taken steps) donating one of my kidneys to someone who isn't a waste of space so maybe I could help someone who might accomplish something (but I drink too much so I probably need it I guess plus people would think I was crazy for doing it - not sure if I would pass the psych evaluations they might require for me to go through with "altruistic" kidney donation, which is almost unheard of as far as I can tell). I think they would end up deciding I was crazy for wanting to do it and make me get treatment...

I respect you a lot just for having the thought of donating your organs. I think it means that you are a good person because you think that way. Sometimes I wish I would be put in a situation where I could sacrifice my life for a child or other innocent person - like I would want to push a scared woman from the train tracks while a train was barreling down and sacrifice my life for her because my life isn't worth much and I would want to sacrifice it to save someone who is a functional person who would make the world a better place.

Maybe you can use that desire to help others... like start volunteering and helping neglected children or something like that. Or if you are more comfortable at your computer than in "real life" (like me) you could teach yourself HTML and donate your time helping charities maintain their website or something. Even just a part-time volunteering thing at a local hospital/homeless shelter/food bank/whatever could really help people and also get you off your computer and doing something that makes you feel good about yourself.

I also thank you kindly for reading this rambling response - I feel that way about a lot of my posts here. I do have a lot of escapist addictions but I don't think I am an internet addict (I'm more of a beer and cigarette addict with an small internet problem, haha).

Take care man... maybe you can talk to a doctor and get a prescription for an anti-depressant. It might really help you be more willing to face the world instead of hiding out from life... I have bad social anxiety and paxil/paroxetine has really helped me be more capable of facing life and not always wanting to hide from it.

I know that being an only child could add pressure onto it for you but at least you don't have a "super-perfect" brother that you have to compare yourself to like me

Blah blah blah, what a rambling post. If you ever feel like talking or ranting to someone you can always PM me. Take care and I hope you can break out of your internet addiction a little bit and start facing the world even though it's tough for people like us...

Hi, yenee621, and welcome to Psych Central! I agree that it would be good if you could talk to someone who is a professional. You seem depressed to me.

Also, is there someone at school that you can talk to?

I believe we all can have a purpose in life. It's a matter of finding out what it is.

Hang in here!

I'm kind of in the same boat as you. I'm 21 and about to go to community college next semester. In the meantime I'm a provider for the IHSS program in which I take care of elderly people in their homes. Thats pretty much my life right now, I don't feel like ive got anything going for me. Lookin back I wish I would travel back in time and tell my younger self to stop slackin off in school. My grades were never bad, but I didn't really put any effort into planning out my future and now that Ive graduated I feel lost.

I'm sorry that you feel like you're a waste of space, but I don't believe you are. Your parents obviously love you and just because you're stumbling a bit in life right now doesn't mean thats going to change. You'll find your way eventually, just because you're not going at the same pace that the people around you are going doesnt mean youre going to fail