[eina]

I'm having a really tough time with getting diagnosed and treated. I have a lot of trouble adequately expressing myself in appointments, I think because of my social anxiety. Unless my mood is extremely irritable or depressed, I put up an very convincing front. It's for sure a defense mechanism, I can't control it at all- it's like I go on autopilot and turn into a great listener who's all smiles and agrees with everything everyone says in a very pleasant manner.

It's like the emotional part of my brain just shuts off, I dissociate pretty badly and I usually don't even know how I actually feel about things until hours, sometimes days later when I finally process the conversation. It's ridiculous and it's seriously inhibiting my ability to get what's actually needed. It makes my doctors think my problems are less severe than they actually are because I seem perfectly fine. My own mother can't always tell when I'm doing this. I would never expect them to see through it either.

The thinking part of my brain shuts down too, so when I am put on the spot or asked a question about how something feels, how I feel, or to access a memory or something it's like it's just gone. I can't answer, it's like all I am is a sunny surface and there's nothing deeper in that moment. When I try to find what they're looking for it's like I literally just run into black, empty space. It's like I'm trying to sense a body part that isn't there. I feel like my brain is locking me out and I hate it! Has anyone else experienced this? How do you work around it?

I do the exact same thing... it is detrimental to getting anything out of psych and therapy appointments.

I like to type out the issues/concerns that I want to cover and print it, give it to them because I usually go into shutdown mode. Even if you type like 3 pages that will only take them about 1-2 minutes to read and it kicks things off to where they will ask the right questions and stuff because they understand your concerns. Hope that helps.

[ladytiger]

I feel that way too. When people ask me a question, I jumble everything up and back track the things I say which makes it confusing for me and them. I am still disassociative even though I am forcing myself to be outgoing again yet my speech is still screwed up. Already been to therapy and not wasting my time anymore.

[tired_girl90]

I know exactly what you mean and I am struggling with deciding whether or not I want to start going to therapy again, because I've been going since I was a child (different therapists throughout my life) and it always has been such a waste of time because I just shut down. I also put up a good front, and I think if only people could see me when I'm at my worst then they would understand, but I hide my problems the best I can as a defense mechanism also. Wish I had some advice for you, but all I can say is you're not alone...