[Mustkeepjob32]

Hello all,

Haven't been here for a few months due to my pdoc and ex-partner forbidding psychcentral for me. My pdoc is in Mexico so she wasn't familiar with it and didn't realize how helpful it actually is for people.
Anyway, I'm not at home in Mexico (maybe permanently) and am visiting my parents in WA state. So I'm able to view psychcentral now.
I got another contract job and start in about a month but as my screen name suggests, I always lose my jobs. I feel like I have to break through a brick wall with my head. Obviously no matter how hard I hit my head against the wall, it won't break. I work in a stressful field but I do believe that I'm good at what I do. It's been so long that I've had a good run with a job (years and years) that I'm so stressed about it. I'm a nurse btw.
I also have been feeling depressed lately. I take my meds like always but with my family I go through depressive episodes. I love my parents and was excited to visit them earlier this year but being here reveals to me how much older they are and "slow" at doing things. I feel like I'm a burden and also that I'm not going to ever do good to where they're proud of me. My Mom is over 70 and I know she won't live forever. At this point, I know I would break if my Mom died because of how close I am to her. I need to become strong fast emotionally or I will spiral even more out of control.
My biggest thing I want to do now is to not financially be a drain to my parents. If I work I make good money, and steady working is what I need to be doing. I know some others here on this forum have the same problem. Anyone gotten over it? How do they handle the daily stress of working an important job like healthcare? Being a nurse is all I know how to do and I'm pretty sure changing careers wouldn't help me. I can imagine myself just as apt to miss work and get fired for flipping hamburgers as I would be as a nurse.
Thanks all for reading.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

So I'm able to view psychcentral now.

Awesome. back to Psych Central, Mustkeepjob32.

My Mom is over 70 and I know she won't live forever. At this point, I know I would break if my Mom died because of how close I am to her. I need to become strong fast emotionally or I will spiral even more out of control.

That's a concern for me, as well, with regards to my dad. I've always feared his inevitable demise, and have come to also fear my own. I'd terrified of losing him; in-fact, it has been a strong source of fuel for my OCD for many a year. I'm glad you have a professional with whom you can share that stuff.

Oh, you're a nurse! That's awesome. Big respect for yooou.

I have no words of wisdom I'm afraid. Stay safe and take care of yourself!

[Mustkeepjob32]

Zwang,

Yeah I actually fear my parents dying more than I fear my own I think. I want to be emotionally strong before they do otherwise I'll fall apart completely. My brothers are what you call "normal" people with a normal life, and I for whatever reason am this emotionally unstable person with so many mental problems.
Thanks for your encouragement.

[wegian]

So what is it that seems to sink you at new jobs? Personality conflicts? Absences? Can't keep up the pace? What? At least you know what you want to do. That's a big plus in my book, and something it took me forever to figure out.

[Mustkeepjob32]

Wegian,

It's always absences that inevitably get me to lose my jobs. Even though I feel I'm good at what I do, I get panic attacks and anxious episodes that cause me to call in sick. I do it enough and then I'm canned.

[Bluesday]

I've always had a tardiness/absence problem which has cost me a couple jobs in the past. On my last job, I made a supreme effort to get that in check, which I was finally able to do. Ironically, my stellar attendance is what helped me hang on to it for 4 years...until I was ultimately canned for other reasons.

[wegian]

Don't nurses use temp agencies? Work a day or two at a time, until you get your equilibrium?

[Mustkeepjob32]

Temp agency would be OK, but since you make your own schedule, I can just see myself cancelling my shift before going in and so I'll never work. I need official scheduled days to make sure I keep myself going to work. Of course even then I tend to not go to work...

Bluesday, that is great that you were able to get your absences in check. What helped you do that?

[Travelinglady]

Are you in treatment for your anxiety and panic attacks? Sounds like if you can get them under control, then you would be able to keep your jobs.

[Bluesday]

Bluesday, that is great that you were able to get your absences in check. What helped you do that?[/quote]

For one, I moved closer to work, so I was only about 10 minutes away. It was also just a huge act of the will. The company REALLY valued workers that showed up every day and on time, so I knew it would help pad other performance issues....which it did for a few years at least.

[Jolisse]

I work as a nurse and just took a new job. Let me tell my new position is a disaster and my anxiety has been through the roof. I know this is not the job for me and I'm quitting.
I don't see myself as a failure, the job is not what I want and I had very little orientation to the facility. I was thrown into being responsible for 240 patients, all employees and the entire facility.
I don't want all this responsibility, I want to work "hands on" with patients on one unit.
I know I'll find another job and it will be what I want.

[Mustkeepjob32]

Jolisse,
Was this position a nurse manager position in a hospital? Or a nursing home? That sounds like major responsibility and anyone would need a lot orientation to be able to take over all that.

[Jolisse]

It's in a sub acute/rehab facility, for patients too sick to go home and hospitals have discharged them.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Mustkeepjob32

Hello all,

Haven't been here for a few months due to my pdoc and ex-partner forbidding psychcentral for me. My pdoc is in Mexico so she wasn't familiar with it and didn't realize how helpful it actually is for people.
Anyway, I'm not at home in Mexico (maybe permanently) and am visiting my parents in WA state. So I'm able to view psychcentral now.
I got another contract job and start in about a month but as my screen name suggests, I always lose my jobs. I feel like I have to break through a brick wall with my head. Obviously no matter how hard I hit my head against the wall, it won't break. I work in a stressful field but I do believe that I'm good at what I do. It's been so long that I've had a good run with a job (years and years) that I'm so stressed about it. I'm a nurse btw.
I also have been feeling depressed lately. I take my meds like always but with my family I go through depressive episodes. I love my parents and was excited to visit them earlier this year but being here reveals to me how much older they are and "slow" at doing things. I feel like I'm a burden and also that I'm not going to ever do good to where they're proud of me. My Mom is over 70 and I know she won't live forever. At this point, I know I would break if my Mom died because of how close I am to her. I need to become strong fast emotionally or I will spiral even more out of control.
My biggest thing I want to do now is to not financially be a drain to my parents. If I work I make good money, and steady working is what I need to be doing. I know some others here on this forum have the same problem. Anyone gotten over it? How do they handle the daily stress of working an important job like healthcare? Being a nurse is all I know how to do and I'm pretty sure changing careers wouldn't help me. I can imagine myself just as apt to miss work and get fired for flipping hamburgers as I would be as a nurse.
Thanks all for reading.

Through the years, have you been enabled, coddled to miss work? Something must be ingrained? Are you financially supported, regardless?
Developing the show up to work ethic isn't just going to magically appear. Can you establish a goal? Longevity goal? I'm months away, from getting a work bonus, for five years of service. And will get a bonus, every year after. I definitely have anxiety...
No guts no glory. But if i don't, homeless mom of three....no real cushion. ..

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[healingme4me]

Forgot to address, parental mortality.

I found, though i miss my mom, it's nice to be out of her shadow.
I'll miss my dad, and maternal gram. I'll carry fond memories.
I'll survive. Without my mom, i have complete control over my life, within parameters of parenting. I've grown into the reality, I've become my family matriarch. My boys will grow up, start their own families, yet, I'm a matriarch. Was mind blowing at first..

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[pisces22]

As you already know, death and losing my family, especially my parents is my biggest fear. My parents are in their mid 50s and they're fairly healthy so I know they have more years ahead but it's still a scary thought. My grandma is over 80 years old and she seems full of life, it's incredible. She can see, hear and walk perfectly and doesn't have any major health issues like diabetes or cancer or anything. My great grandma (my grandmas mom) lived to her 90s! I hope my grandma lives to her 90s as well. It's ironic but I used to tell my mom that she always worried before storm even hit and now I'm worrying and the storm isn't even here. I'm creating a storm inside of me before the real storm. We should enjoy the sunshine and deal with the storm when it comes. It's easy to say but really hard to practice. But we have to try. I don't know if any of that made sense, hope it did. Btw, I'm trying CBT. Thanks for the suggestion. Anyways, I know you posted this a while ago but I still wish you luck with the job situation! I hope you can keep this one

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[Mustkeepjob32]

Pisces,
It sounds like people in your family live to very old! That is good that you're grandma doesn't have some of the chronic diseases that are so common in older folk. Hopefully that means you won't either when you get that old. I hear you about the storm before the storm. I do the same thing.
Healingmeforme, that's great about your job and your bonus. I'm glad for you. I wish I could be like you. Your right in that if I do fail at the job, I don't become homeless because my parents back me up. Maybe that's the problem. If I actually didn't have any other option than work, maybe I would force myself to stick with it. I think creating a longevity goal is a good idea. Thanks!

[PrairieCat]

I congratulate you and wish you the best with the new job. Getting a therapist to support you and help you work on issues would help. Temp work could also possibly work for you. Or maybe working in a very small clinic. OR what about being a nurse for an insurance company where you answer questions and could work at a desk or at home? A school nurse? Teaching nursing? What other jobs are there for nurses? Have you ever considered any?
Best of Luck!
PrairieCat

[clytemnestra]

I'm a doctor and have a hard time keeping a job, too. Health care workers get almost no respect now. I think that's a big part of the problem.