How to build confidence and convince yourself that you CAN do it!???

If you're about to take a test or go on stage or do something really challenging and really important, how do build confidence and convince yourself that you will succeed? "I want to believe that I can do this..."

Let's say it's an audition or a standardized test or something that's impossible to be 100% prepared for. You still want to believe in yourself.

(In the way that I operate, this is related to anxiety. I didn't explain because that discussion will likely work against me in my circumstances. I'm battling performance anxiety.)

I found I can not 'battle' anxiety or convince myself of something my brain does not believe i.e. that I am not anxious when in fact I am. Anxiety always wins when I try to fight it. However, I am competent and good enough and my brain does believe that so staying focused on what I know to be true, my competence, is part of the solution for me.

However, knowing I am competent is not enough to 'win the war'. I had to do a lot of the things I was anxious about until my brain understood that I would be OK. That meant being uncomfortable at times (this is what we try to avoid ... the discomfort) and what helps me with that is saying 'this will pass ... it always does'. And that is true, also.

Here is another way to deal with this problem:

If you have a religious affiliation, deepening your understanding that you truly are a perfect child of the Universe, God, Allah, just as you are, and can never be truly separate from that perfection is another way to peace.

Joe - i've recently realised, randomly, whilst being the most depressed and anxious I have been for a long time, that actually NOT saying that to myself works better. I'm going with the flow and it seems to be working better, still doing the things I want to, but when it gets too much, I accept that and take a step back.

Short answer: nothing. You build confidence by doing. By success. All you can do is prepare yourself as well as you can for whatever it is you are going to be doing. And then do it successfully. It truly is the only way IMHO. Tests never caused me anxiety so I can't speak to that issue. The first time I ever got on stage (before a lot of people) I was a bit nervous. I was behind a large drum kit so that may have helped but it was still me who would have felt like the world's biggest loser if I had frozen up or gotten so nervous that it affected my playing. So yeah... you just have to study/practice/rehearse until your knowledge/skills are there and then... do it.
Maybe someone will come along and reveal some magic, zen way of doing it but I don't think so. Hope that helps if you have something coming up.

I think this is true. I had zero confidence when I was looking for a job and the interview process was so nerve racking. When I finally landed a job I had been so used to the interview process I wasn't so nervous anymore. I learned from every interview what my mistakes were and kept using online resources to be better at it.

I kind of go into "battle mode". Why should I be afraid? I'm not afraid. I kick butt. I rule. All those people who bullied me FAILED! I beat them, I win! I beat them, I can beat this, it's me against the world. *continues rambling to self*

I've never been able to talk myself out of anxiety, although EFT tapping has sometimes helped. I used to perform on stage too and pretty much always felt nervous beforehand. However it would nearly always go away once I started singing. Hopefully if you just go out and do the performance, even with the nerves, eventually it will get easier at least during the actual performing -- have to focus so much on what you are doing it's easier to forget how you feel. Best of luck!!

I have been reciting positive affirmation taken from Prolific Living - Smart Habits for Rich Living and subscribed to the 21 step confidence building guide. Im not working on performance anxiety specifically but I have noticed I feel happier , better about myself aand less fearful since I have been doing it. My boyfriend even said I am way more confident now lol so I think its worth checking out.

I think the best thing to do is be realistic. 'Positive thinking' works for some but it never really does for me. I like to visualize failing as well as succeeding at anything. That way neither one has a hold on me.

Secondly, preparation. If it's a test you really want to pass then find out what will be in it and draw up a plan. Work and read up on what you need to know and do as much as you can. Then you'll go into it knowing you're prepared and whatever happens, you didn't let yourself down.

For other things which can't be prepared for, just turn up, let things go wrong if they do and enjoy things going right and you'll find that you start to learn and gain confidence naturally rather than forcing it.

I guess it is different for everyone! I can't let myself visualize failing or the thing going badly because I have a vivid imagination lol. For example, driving makes me nervous. But I cant think about being blindsided by a drunk driver right before I go out there. Even if I also imagined it going smoothly.

I really appreciate this answer because I truly feel lacking in confidence. I like to be around people and be sociable but it is difficult for me to keep a conversation going without feeling like it is such work. What does that mean do you suppose? This is why I am going to take an improv class after the new year.

Hi JoeS21,

I find "SNAP CLUB" to be great for that

http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...n-escaped.html

Even though I practice it with tiny little trivial things, it seems to train my brain to be empowered, in charge and confident in general.

- vital