[lozza89]

A bit about me first..

in my spare time I am a foster carer for cats and also volunteer for the same animal rescue group to help raise money so we can save as many animals as we can, make sure they have the vet treatment they need and then help them have a second chance in life and find them their forever homes.

Today I was meant to help out at an event. It was a highway collection. I have been looking forward to this for months now and the other volunteers are a great group of people - we always have heaps of fun no matter what the event is

I panicked though early this morning and I was so certain that if I went then I would be hurt (have been through a lot of past abuse) this one thought kept going through my mind... "its not safe to do, a man will hurt and abuse you, they will drag you into your car and sexually abuse you.. its not safe. you are only a little girl and you will be hurt." ..ummm I am 25 years old but I dont see myself as that, I feel so little and small and I always need someone to be there and help me through things - stupid hey?

I had a massive panic attack. I couldnt breathe. I let everyone down cuz I let my anxiety and fears get in the way

I don't know what I am needing from this post but I guess I just need to know I am not alone..

thanks for reading.

[Harmacy]

I often find myself too anxious to do something I'd planned. And once the doubts start creeping in then they often escalate until avoidance feels like the only safe option.

I wouldn't be too harsh on yourself, you're not pathetic at all. You wanted to go but were unable to because of anxiety, the same as if someone had a physical ailment like the flu or a broken leg. With you the thing that stopped you going wasn't visible but just as real. Perhaps you could tell someone in charge at the volunteer group how you feel and that you will try your best but sometimes may not be able to attend - they may even come up with some suggestions on how to make things feel safer.

[lozza89]

Thank you for your reply Harmacy.

I just feel like everything is a really big mess cuz I made a massive 'excuse/ reason' for why I couldn't help.. at least I was honest about the panic attack though? ..I couldnt even tell them the truth that my anxiety had gotten in the way and was ruling me

it's weird cuz if someone else was unable to attend/ do something due to anxiety I would never think anything less of them.. but for me I am different and it's not ok and I should be coping better and be able to do things!!!!

I don't know how to be be more accepting of myself and what I am going through and finding ways to work around the obstacles rather than avoid and run at the last minute! I feel so inadequate and worthless..

does anyone have any ideas on how I can cope better with my anxiety?

[CosmicRose]

I just want to say as a fellow cat lover, thank you so much for your service and for what you do.