[Feliz25]

I am new to PC, I came across this website after searching ways to cope with anxiety. I was getting by like a normal person but around this time last year I started feeling anxious and worried. I am 23 years old. I come from a loving family. I had to grow up quickly because my mom was really ill. She was always in the hospital for long periods of time. My brother and I were partly raised by family members like my grandparents, aunts and uncles. I came to the US to get an education (8th grade) in hopes of getting better treatment for my mother. Unfortunately, she passed away 5 years ago right after I graduated highschool. I never talked to anyone about my feelings until I met my girlfriend. She has really helped me a lot especially by listening to me. It was thanks to her that I picked up my grades and graduated college (first one of the family!)

I was getting by but last year, I started feeling anxious and sad. It came unexpected. I woke up from a dream scared and really nervous. I spent weeks like this and I went to see a counselor at my school. He helped me get back on track and I got my degree recently. In July, my grandfather had a heart attack and passed away unexpectedly. I feel that his passing brought me back to feeling the same as last year.

About a month ago, I started feeling very anxious on some days. On and off throughout the day I experience this. Some days I feel unwanted thoughts pop into my head and that worries me. I would never act on the thoughts especially when they have to do with hurting others.
This has been a hard week for me. I broke down 3 times this week crying because of how I felt in front of my girlfriend for the same reason that I don't know what is happening to me.

I am having trouble understanding why am I feeling anxious . Is it because of the death of my loved ones?

I should also add that:
I haven't been diagnosed with anything
I worry but not to this extent
I don't do drugs or alcohol
I don't live with my parents since the 8th grade

Any input is highly appreciated

[Disorder7]

You need to make an appointment with a psychiatrist or counselor, at the very least a family doctor, or even a charity-type clinic, and tell them what you just told us.

Most of us here can't diagnose you. But it sounds like you have a lot going on.
Take care and don't be shy about asking for help.

[Frankbtl]

Hi Felix, firstly well done on graduating college and getting your degree!!!! You've certainly come a long way!!!!
But I can see you've been through a lot too, losing your mom and your grandfather must have been really tough for you, I'm sorry
But you know with everything that's gone on for you...........I'd say it's understandable that you're finding things hard.
Some stress/pressure on yourself in achieving the degree, your bereavements, thinking (or not thinking??) about the future now you have your degree............
Obviously we can't diagnose but maybe a mix of everything going on........??? And maybe you're right to be thinking depression and anxiety because they can sometimes be closely linked together.............and with everything you've gone through.
Do you feel like you could talk to your doctor about what's going on for you?? Then hopefully they could support you on the route to take e.g. referral to a pdoc, or counseling??
And you know we're here to offer you support too.

Alison

[Feliz25]

Originally Posted by Frankbtl

Hi Felix, firstly well done on graduating college and getting your degree!!!! You've certainly come a long way!!!!
But I can see you've been through a lot too, losing your mom and your grandfather must have been really tough for you, I'm sorry
But you know with everything that's gone on for you...........I'd say it's understandable that you're finding things hard.
Some stress/pressure on yourself in achieving the degree, your bereavements, thinking (or not thinking??) about the future now you have your degree............
Obviously we can't diagnose but maybe a mix of everything going on........??? And maybe you're right to be thinking depression and anxiety because they can sometimes be closely linked together.............and with everything you've gone through.
Do you feel like you could talk to your doctor about what's going on for you?? Then hopefully they could support you on the route to take e.g. referral to a pdoc, or counseling??
And you know we're here to offer you support too.

Alison

I am trying to understand why am I feeling this way. I am not going to lie about being scared of having a depression or anxiety. One of my uncles has it and he struggles on a daily basis. I don't want to get to that point. That would make matters worse for my family and I.
I tried contacting a counselor last Friday so hoping she can guide me in the right direction.

[Frankbtl]

Hi Feliz, hey GREAT step contacting a counselor considering your difficulties talking about your feelings in the past!!!
When I said you'd come a long way..............!!!!
And being scared of having depression or anxiety, well I can understand that because you're right it can be severely hard to live with either for some people but they really aren't a "one size fits all" either. There can be so many "shades" of them. And you know there's nothing whatsoever to say that this has to be a permanent thing for you either.
And different things/coping skills can sometimes help a lot too, including talking about things, another great thing about you having contacted a counselor.
You'll certainly find things on here as well which can help with anxiety (if you haven't tried some already) e.g. breathing techniques, grounding techniques, mindfulness.........
As for understanding though, that's great if you can do it, and you might be able to especially with help opening up, reflecting on things but there won't always be a "logical" explanation. If not, that can be OK too though. Sometimes it can be a matter of gradually working through things and finding things/support that can help you "to the other side".
And you know with the bereavements you've had.............it might be really hard for a while and there's no time scale on grief, but you know time and real support can help a lot.
And: "That would make matters worse for my family............" try not to go feeling bad/worse because of the effects on your family, hey??
You haven't chosen to feel this way, it's not your fault. Time to focus on you now, hey?? And getting the help/support you need
And I hope we can help you in that too!!!
Alison

[CosmicRose]

I think what you are experiencing is actually normal, because you lost two people that you were very close with within a five year period and your early 20s are a very difficult and trying time for anyone, trying to find their place in the world while making a name for themselves and achieving stable employment. You got a degree! Good job! At 23, that's great! Don't feel bad for breaking down in front of your girlfriend, for what it's worth, I'm sure she appreciates the fact that you can do that in front of her and you're open enough to express yourself. Like I said, this age is a tough age for anyone. 18-25 are usually the most stressful ages because you're just starting out in the real world and having to take care of yourself, and fend for yourself.
You're on the right track, just keep doing what you're doing, get into a nice rhythm with work or continuing your education. Take each day at a time. Focus on gratitude, and appreciating what and who you have in your life right now, and remember all the lessons your loved ones have taught you thus far in life. And remember,you are not your thoughts.
Thoughts come and go, they are fleeting. They are just your brain's way of trying to make sense of the world around you. Do not cling to your thoughts and make judgements about yourself because of them. Actions are what make up a good man. Your actions and how you treat others, that's what counts. Whenever you have negative thoughts, replace them with calming, amazing, beautiful thoughts instead just because it feels better.