[mommaxo]

I went to my second A.A meeting at an unfamilar face. I had no clue what I was getting myself in to when I walked towards those doors. Thankfully I managed to somewhat compose myself. I wasn't expecting that many people to be there. Considering my first meeting there was only 4-6 old folks. A lot of people introduced themselves to me. I felt so nervous. I could barely keep eye contact. I was began to worry that I was coming across rude to people. I also didn't expect younger people to be there. Stupid me the first thing I did was grab a cup of coffee. I was shaking so badly. I felt embrassed. This sweet little old lady introduced herself to me, and asked me if I wanted to sit beside her.

I didn't want to seem rude so I agreed. She was sitting near the front. I felt like the whole room was staring at me. I could hear my heart begin to race as I sat down. I was nervous to even take a drink out of my coffee, because I was so shakey I didn't want to spill coffee all over myself, and have it fling on everyone else sitting beside me. To make matters even worse an extremely attractive man was sitting beside me. I couldn't help but feel nervous. I kept fidgeting, and twitching, I eventually took off my jacket and put my hands in my pocket. It felt like I couldn't breathe and my palms were getting sweaty. I couldn't even go up infront of everyone and grab my chip. Everyone was staring at me like "go up and get it" but I just sat there and awkwardly smiled.

Some of the stories I heard brought me back. I couldn't help but feel awkward. I wanted so badly to introduce myself to the guy sitting next to me, but I already felt like I was going to die of a heart attack. I had brought my axienty medication with me. I only had one pill in my purse, and it was wrapped up in a plastic baggy with my name, and the name of my medication on it. I wanted to take it so badly, I felt like I was going to have a panic attack. But I didn't want to take it infront of a room of strangers never mind beside this guy I thought was adorable.

When we all had to hold hands and do the prayer. I apoligized for my sweaty palms, and held hands with him. I felt like I was going to faint, I never pray. I was worried I would forget the damn prayer, and look stupid. I had to look back on 2nd grade when I was in catholic school lol. I'm hoping the next meeting I go to won't be as awkward. I guess it was just the unknown that sparked my axienty. I'm not used to socializing when I'm sober with strangers, never mind other men. The thing is I'm not even that shy of a person, but lately I find myself looking down at my feet.

I completely forget everyones name from tonight because I was so flustered with anxiety lol. I really did enjoy the meeting once I managed to calm myself down. Reminder for next time :STAY THE HECK AWAY FROM THE COFFEE.

[kaliope]

i am glad that you were able to go outside your comfort zone and survive.. congrats.

[CosmicRose]

Awww I'm sorry. I can relate. One time I was at a psychic new age store shopping around when a group of people asked if I wanted to be in their prayer circle on the floor while everyone was holding hands, I said sure, and after a few seconds of holding their hands I started to fidget and shake a little bit. When the circle was done, the old woman on my right asked, "Are you okay?" everyone in the circle looked at me and I said yes I'm okay.
Being in those kinds of intimate situations with a group of strangers isn't easy.
But at least you tried something new and got out there and did it. Congrats
Next time you probably won't feel so nervous, or take your anxiety pill before going into the meeting. At least you got to hold hands with a handsome guy! Sounds like a success to me!